Last weekend I was invited to a retirement celebration for my friend, Donna. Donna and I have become friends in a roundabout way. Many years ago, both our daughters were in high school together. Sharing many common interests, they soon became good friends. I got to know Ashley, Kaitlyn’s friend and Donna’s daughter, but I didn’t know Donna other than through bits of information Kaitlyn shared with me.
Kaitlyn and Ashley shared a love of journalism, and both applied to and were accepted into the Journalism program at Ryerson University in Toronto. They were roommates throughout their time there and even spent time abroad together. Still, while I had met Donna by this point, I did not yet know her well.
Years flew by, the girls graduated, and eventually Jim and I decided to leave our acreage and move to the city, allowing both of us easy access to many opportunities. This was when I learned about the Chinook Country Dancers, and after only one class I was hooked. When Kaitlyn heard I had joined she casually mentioned that she thought Ashley’s mom danced with them too. Sure enough, after all those years, Donna and I finally really met, found ourselves sharing a passion for dance, and in the process, became friends.
In terms of real years, we’ve been friends for less than a decade, but somehow it feels like we’ve been friends much longer. Our connection runs deep. Our care and compassion for each others’ families is shared and valued beyond measure by both of us.
And so, it came to be that I’ve been to one retirement celebration for Donna this week, and I’ll attend another next week. Her retirement is definitely a time for celebration, but for me, also one for loss. She’ll be moving at the end of this week, to be closer to extended family. No longer will we have quick catch ups between numbers at dance. No longer will I be quite as in tune with things in her life nor will she in mine. No longer will I see the compassion in her face, and tears that easily spring to her eyes when I tell her of some challenge in my life. And yet, this is the perfect move for her, and for that, we celebrate.
As I’ve thought about her transition from her job to retirement, about her leaving an entire world of familiarity behind, I know that many new adventures will await her. Some she can’t yet even imagine, for when we are so busy doing what we’ve always done, we don’t have time to notice what new things might be available to us. Her career has served her very well, now it is time to appreciate it, and to give that part of her life a rest.
It’s made me think about a different conversation I had about giving things a rest. I was talking with my friend, Inka and mentioned that my go-to, my long-practiced go-to, is to work harder. When I used to run, I figured doing more, working harder, was the secret. With biking I do the same. I’m not completely wrong, nor am I right. When things in my life aren’t quite falling into place, my go-to is to work harder. When I think of aging, and about the things I can do to help keep me fit and mobile, my go-to is to work harder. To do more. When I’m injured, I always ask what I can do, what harder work might help me to recover more quickly. Inka reminded me that working harder has served me well in many areas of my life. It has helped me get where I am. But then she gently offered this, “Hard Work has been a faithful soldier to you. But he must be tired. Perhaps it is time to give him a rest.”
Perhaps indeed.
Perhaps all of us can consider some of our go-tos; our automatic habits and behaviours. We develop them young in life, often as a way to cope, and even thrive, within whatever environment we find ourselves. Many of them exist because we started doing them, they worked, and we simply continued. We arrive at work twenty minutes early because at one time we needed those minutes to prepare, but now, after many years, perhaps ten would do. Yet we continue in our old way. We say yes out of habit, when we sometimes might be better served saying no. We pass up opportunities because we’re so used to thinking they aren’t meant for us. We organize all the major friend and family events because we’ve always done it. Not because others aren’t willing and able. We work harder or tell ourselves the same stories in our heads because that is what we always done.
Some of our go-tos are not things we do, but rather things we are. Perhaps we are the person who is always there for others. It is our go-to. Perhaps we withhold our opinion, for no reason other than we were expected to do it at one time, and it served us well. Perhaps we fight to have our voice heard, even when no one is preventing us from expressing ourselves. Perhaps we had our walls up for fear of being hurt. Perhaps we people-please instead of considering what serves us best. Perhaps we feel we need to always be in control.
Most often our go-tos are comfortable, and faithful. We go to them without much thought. They feel good in the way well-worn slippers might. We love the feel of them, but they aren’t providing the kind of support we now need. Yet we’re reluctant to replace them even though we know they aren’t working as well as they once did. We continue to think they are serving us well. But perhaps they are tired. Perhaps we should let these faithful soldiers rest.
Donna’s go-to has been to head to work every single day for decades. She has taken care of others there and served her employer and colleagues well. She has been diligent, faithful, and hard working. She’s now ready let that part of her life rest.
So too is it time for us to examine our lives and give rest to those things that once served us so well, but are tired now, and could use a rest.
My inquiry for you this week is, ‘Which of my soldiers needs rest?’
Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching. She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society. She works with corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching. She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups and has expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations. Contact Elizabeth to learn how to ‘give it a rest’.
Kaitlyn and Ashley shared a love of journalism, and both applied to and were accepted into the Journalism program at Ryerson University in Toronto. They were roommates throughout their time there and even spent time abroad together. Still, while I had met Donna by this point, I did not yet know her well.
Years flew by, the girls graduated, and eventually Jim and I decided to leave our acreage and move to the city, allowing both of us easy access to many opportunities. This was when I learned about the Chinook Country Dancers, and after only one class I was hooked. When Kaitlyn heard I had joined she casually mentioned that she thought Ashley’s mom danced with them too. Sure enough, after all those years, Donna and I finally really met, found ourselves sharing a passion for dance, and in the process, became friends.
In terms of real years, we’ve been friends for less than a decade, but somehow it feels like we’ve been friends much longer. Our connection runs deep. Our care and compassion for each others’ families is shared and valued beyond measure by both of us.
And so, it came to be that I’ve been to one retirement celebration for Donna this week, and I’ll attend another next week. Her retirement is definitely a time for celebration, but for me, also one for loss. She’ll be moving at the end of this week, to be closer to extended family. No longer will we have quick catch ups between numbers at dance. No longer will I be quite as in tune with things in her life nor will she in mine. No longer will I see the compassion in her face, and tears that easily spring to her eyes when I tell her of some challenge in my life. And yet, this is the perfect move for her, and for that, we celebrate.
As I’ve thought about her transition from her job to retirement, about her leaving an entire world of familiarity behind, I know that many new adventures will await her. Some she can’t yet even imagine, for when we are so busy doing what we’ve always done, we don’t have time to notice what new things might be available to us. Her career has served her very well, now it is time to appreciate it, and to give that part of her life a rest.
It’s made me think about a different conversation I had about giving things a rest. I was talking with my friend, Inka and mentioned that my go-to, my long-practiced go-to, is to work harder. When I used to run, I figured doing more, working harder, was the secret. With biking I do the same. I’m not completely wrong, nor am I right. When things in my life aren’t quite falling into place, my go-to is to work harder. When I think of aging, and about the things I can do to help keep me fit and mobile, my go-to is to work harder. To do more. When I’m injured, I always ask what I can do, what harder work might help me to recover more quickly. Inka reminded me that working harder has served me well in many areas of my life. It has helped me get where I am. But then she gently offered this, “Hard Work has been a faithful soldier to you. But he must be tired. Perhaps it is time to give him a rest.”
Perhaps indeed.
Perhaps all of us can consider some of our go-tos; our automatic habits and behaviours. We develop them young in life, often as a way to cope, and even thrive, within whatever environment we find ourselves. Many of them exist because we started doing them, they worked, and we simply continued. We arrive at work twenty minutes early because at one time we needed those minutes to prepare, but now, after many years, perhaps ten would do. Yet we continue in our old way. We say yes out of habit, when we sometimes might be better served saying no. We pass up opportunities because we’re so used to thinking they aren’t meant for us. We organize all the major friend and family events because we’ve always done it. Not because others aren’t willing and able. We work harder or tell ourselves the same stories in our heads because that is what we always done.
Some of our go-tos are not things we do, but rather things we are. Perhaps we are the person who is always there for others. It is our go-to. Perhaps we withhold our opinion, for no reason other than we were expected to do it at one time, and it served us well. Perhaps we fight to have our voice heard, even when no one is preventing us from expressing ourselves. Perhaps we had our walls up for fear of being hurt. Perhaps we people-please instead of considering what serves us best. Perhaps we feel we need to always be in control.
Most often our go-tos are comfortable, and faithful. We go to them without much thought. They feel good in the way well-worn slippers might. We love the feel of them, but they aren’t providing the kind of support we now need. Yet we’re reluctant to replace them even though we know they aren’t working as well as they once did. We continue to think they are serving us well. But perhaps they are tired. Perhaps we should let these faithful soldiers rest.
Donna’s go-to has been to head to work every single day for decades. She has taken care of others there and served her employer and colleagues well. She has been diligent, faithful, and hard working. She’s now ready let that part of her life rest.
So too is it time for us to examine our lives and give rest to those things that once served us so well, but are tired now, and could use a rest.
My inquiry for you this week is, ‘Which of my soldiers needs rest?’
Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching. She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society. She works with corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching. She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups and has expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations. Contact Elizabeth to learn how to ‘give it a rest’.
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