Each week, when I return little Benjamin home after my day with him, we take the same route.  There are several ways to get from my house to his, but only one of those ways goes past the fire station, so that’s the way we go!  The fire station happens to be situated on the edge of a traffic circle.  Since Ben was old enough to become excited to see a fire truck, we made a habit of driving around the full traffic circle so he could check to see if one of the doors to the fire house were open.  If we were lucky, and one of the doors was up, he’d get a great view of a fire truck.  On those occasions, I’d take a second trip around the circle, sometimes even a third, so we could get a really good look.

Traffic circles, once very rare in Calgary, are gaining in numbers, and drivers are gaining in confidence navigating them.  One of the key rules of traffic circles is the drivers on the inside lane have right of way.  Once you get this sorted out, it makes the inner lane one of power.  Driving in this lane, a driver simply needs to signal their intent and they have the authority to exit the circle whenever they wish.

At first this is a bit nerve wracking.  It seems counterintuitive.  It can feel as though there is a lot going on around you, and having the courage to signal and make a move takes confidence.  With a bit of practice, exiting becomes easy; no circling around and around is required.

This past week, Joseph R. Biden Jr., became the 46th President of the United States.  In a ground breaking moment, Kamala Devi Harris, became the first woman, Black American, and South Asian American to be elected Vice President.  I’m guessing this team of Biden and Harris, has an established inner circle.  The people in this circle will have been carefully chosen.  After all, they will help make the decisions affecting the entire nation.

Every leader, those leading countries, businesses, schools, hospitals, corporations, non-profits, interest groups, political parties and families, have an inner circle.  These are powerful circles in which to travel.  People who are part of such circles recognize the power they have been given.  They understand they can signal and make moves at will.  Good leaders understand this is made possible by all of the other participants; those in the outer circle who yield right of way to these decision-makers.

Not all of us get to be in the inner circle of government.  Most of us are quite content not to drive here.  The same goes for businesses, hospitals, schools, corporations, interest groups, non-profits and political parties.  The vast majority of us drive around the traffic circles of these organizations in the outside lanes.  We’re happy to watch others set directions while we follow safely behind.  When they signal a new direction to us, we let them have right of way, and we make the necessary adjustments.

Although we may not be in the inner circles of these establishments, we do all reside in one very critical inner circle; the inner circle of our own lives.  We hold tremendous power in that position.  We can make up our own minds about our actions, our beliefs, our interests, our hobbies, our careers, our values, and our ways of interacting with others. 

We need people close to us in our inner circle as we live our lives and make decisions.  We need people we can trust with our ideas, with our concerns and our self-doubts.  We need people who will listen to our dreams and champion us.  We need people who can accept us at our best, and our worst.  If we are wise, we will also be aware of, and include the others who drive just beyond our lane, in the outside lanes; they too have valuable insights and contributions that can enrich our lives.  In the end though, while we have other people in the inner lane with us, we drive our own car by ourselves. 

We are responsible for the choices we make.  We are responsible for our actions.  We are responsible for the impact we have on our world.  We also have the power to notice interesting exits off our circle.  We can choose to boldly signal and follow those paths whenever we wish. We can also circle around and around, while others enter and exit our circle, never making a brave move on our own.

I’ve been noticing my own driving lately.  I want to be aware when I’m being brave enough to make decisions best for me; being brave enough to signal my intent and to follow my idea.  I also want to be aware of when I’m simply going ‘round and ‘round, almost living on autopilot.

When Ben and I are driving around the traffic circle and we see an open door, we know there is a chance a truck will turn on it’s emergency lights and enter our circle.  I know too, from time to time as I’m driving around my circle of life, the fire station doors may open and a siren blasting, light-flashing truck will enter my inner circle.  Sometimes it signifies a thrilling opportunity for me, and like Ben, I welcome the sight with wonder.  Other times my heart pounds as I navigate the emergency I face.  Either way I adjust my speed and direction temporarily.  Amazingly, but predictably, the loud fire truck eventually signals and leaves my lane; the crisis passes, and I once again find myself comfortably navigating my inner lane.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘What lane am I in?’  
​
Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching.  She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society.   She works with corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching.  She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups. She has particular expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations. Contact Elizabeth to learn how navigate traffic circles.
 

Over the past few months, monoliths have been appearing, often seemingly out of nowhere.  In November, a three sided, 3.4m tall monolith was spotted in southern Utah and quickly became a viral sensation.  State biologists spotted it from a helicopter while counting bighorn sheep.  Photos and videos were shared by state officials but the location was withheld due to concerns people, being people, would go looking for it.

Sure enough, people, being people, did just that.  Within days, the object was removed.  No one knows by whom, or why, although it is safe to conclude, once the people got involved, so did some vandalism.

Soon after, a second one appeared in Romania, on Batcas Doamnei Hill, near Petrodava, a ruined Dacian fortress on a plateau outside the city.  Its location was quickly revealed and it too disappeared within a week.

The third mysterious structure appeared in California, just one day after the three-sided structure disappeared in Romania.  It bore the same features as the other two and also disappeared after a short stay.

While no one can explain the appearance or disappearance of these monoliths, the one that appeared in Southwestern Alberta last week had a clear explanation.  It was not erected under the shadow of night.  Its creator is not elusive.  Its meaning is not a mystery.

Elizabeth Williams, the woman who built the one in Southern Alberta, said she wanted to bring attention to threats the area is facing as the province moves toward open-pit coal mining.  On a news report I listened to, she said her monolith reflects the things that will be affected by the coal operation; it reflects the soil, the mountains and the mountain-fed waters.  She wants people to look at the structure and see the reflections.  No doubt, her hope is when they see those reflections, they too will pause to reflect.

I don’t have a political statement about open-pit coal mining.  I do however, have some thoughts about reflections.

Just as the monolith in Southern Alberta, by virtue of the shiny material making it up, reflects onto itself, and thus sort of becomes what it is surrounded by, so to are we reflections of the things we choose to surround ourselves with. 

This thought is sobering.  It’s easy to think we can surround ourselves with things, ideas, people, jobs, and attitudes, and pretend those things do not affect us.  That we somehow can stand tall, on our own, and not absorb these exterior things at all.  The shiny monoliths cause us to consider that perhaps we are not separate from things we expose ourselves to.
When we regularly expose ourselves to too much news, too much television and internet, too many material objects, too many narrow minds, or mind-numbing substances, there is a good chance when people see us and talk to us, they will see this reflected in us.

At the same time, when we expose ourselves to nature, thoughtfulness, creativity, kindness, new ideas, problem-solving and good friends, chances are when people see us and talk to us, our reflection will bear this out. 

I’ve been reflecting about what I’ve been reflecting.  I was struck by Elizabeth Williams’ comment, ‘If I make this extra beautiful, and I get it on private land, it can stay and it can become a beacon for the curious.’  She of course is referring to an inanimate object.  I, on the other hand, am thinking about myself, a person, and about each of us as individuals.  The concept is the same.  We are already each inhabiting the land of our bodies and minds.  What could be more private?  We each have complete control over our thoughts and actions.  What could it be like if we were each so completely incredible and captivating, that others became curious about us?  And we became beacons.

‘We have to reflect on who we are and where we’re going?’, said Williams.  I couldn’t agree more.  I want to make sure I have a strong vision of who I am, what I am reflecting, and where I am headed.  I want to make sure I am reflecting my true self, and more importantly, that my true self is one I am proud of.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘What am I reflecting?’
​
Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching.  She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society.   She works with corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching.  She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups. She has particular expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations. Contact Elizabeth to learn how create the monolith that best reflects you.
 

I’m a sweet girl.  That is, I love sweet things.  My daughter-in-law, Cara, is a savoury girl.  Since she’s been in our lives, I find myself slowly slipping along the sweet-savoury scale in the direction of savoury.

It’s not that she’s persuaded me with words.  She hasn’t needed to.  Cara (www.alpineliving.com or @alpinedining) lets her culinary skills do the talking.  During these past few months of lockdown, we haven’t actually been able to sit in her kitchen as she cooks and then sit at the dining room table to partake; we’ve been reduced to enjoying her feasts via her pictures of her masterpieces on her blogs.  But we can almost smell and taste her delights through her photographs. 

​Even though I’m drawn to the instant delight of chocolate, I’m now realizing that a savoury meal not only tempts me to slow down as I eat, the flavours seem to stay with me longer.  Perhaps it’s no coincidence the word savour is used to describe not only the flavour of the food, but also the experience of eating.  Jim and I, both products of very large families, are finally learning the value of savouring a meal.  In my family, we always sat at the table together, and we always appreciated our homecooked meals, but I can’t say we actually savoured them. 

On Tuesday last week, while out hiking with my friend, Brenda, the conversation turned to a course she has been taking.  The essence of the course is the study of the science of happiness.  Brenda was explaining how the course works, how each week there is a different component of happiness to explore.  Each week they have several assignments.  Last week they were to savour something each day.  One thing.

It was the perfect thing to be talking about as we hiked in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains.  We often climb and climb, eventually arriving at an opening in the trees where we have a view of the majestic mountains.   We always stop at these points and admire the view.  We always take pictures, even though we’ve never been able to capture in a photograph the feeling we have standing there.  We almost always say, ‘Look at this.  How lucky are we?!’

We also find ourselves stopping along the way, even when we aren’t treated to the sight of the mountains.  We stop to see forests of trees growing on hillsides, to catch a glimpse of an animal, to spot a woodpecker or a Whiskey Jack, to feel the wind, to smell the fresh air and to listen to the silence.

Without ever putting words to it, we have been savouring.

To savour something means to enjoy it as much as you can.   Savouring is a gift we give ourselves.  It can be done anywhere, with the focus on anything.  Each individual decides which things are worth savouring.  It costs nothing, but as I’m learning, can become priceless.  Many of our most fond memories are made up of the times we have savoured the moment. 

As I’ve thought more and more about savouring, I’m notice I’m doing it a lot more.  I now look for moments in my day when I have an opportunity to savour.  Savouring hasn’t changed what I do.  It has changed how I interact with my day, how I’m more aware of moments, and how I appreciate them.

I take care of little Benjamin one day each week.  This week, the day happened to be extremely windy and cloudy; not a good day for being outside.  I was disappointed, since we always love our outdoor adventures.  As we were finishing up breakfast, we could hear the wind howling.  I remarked that it sounded stormy.  Ben stood at the window for quite a few minutes, looking up at the trees in the yard.  He said, ‘It looks like the trees are dancing.’ 

​Savour.  To enjoy something as much as you can. 

One of my favourite activities over these past many Covid months has been to get out into nature for some exercise and head-clearing.  During the spring and summer, I amused myself with biking around Calgary, pretending I was cycling across Canada.   I understand this would have bored many to death, but it worked for me.  I never came home feeling badly that I’d completed my ride.  I always returned with a clearer head than when I began.

When the leaves turned colour and it was too cold to be on the bike for long, my attention turned to hiking.  I did not commit to hiking the equivalent of the distance across Canada, but I did pledge a once-a-week mountain hike, and perhaps a second, not-quite-so-long, second trek each week.  Miraculously, the weather has completely, and astonishingly, cooperated.  We have yet (touch wood) to have to brave typical Alberta winter temperatures in the minus twenty range.  Each week, my hiking partner, Brenda, and I, check the long-range forecast and have so far been thrilled with our luck.  More Tuesdays than not, the sun is shining.  And on almost every single hike, we’ve had to drop layers as the sun has risen higher in the sky and we’ve trekked along.

Several years ago, my brother bought me a Road ID bracelet for my biking adventures.  At the time, my biking partner, Rhonda, and I were meeting once each week for our long ride.  In order to do this ride in the safest way possible, we often chose to drive out of the city and to cycle on country roads.  The upside to this is the lack of heavy traffic, and the decent sized shoulders for riding.  The down side is the lack of cell service for our phones in the less well-travelled areas.  We always let someone know where we would be just in case.  We also always knew we could be in for a wait if something did happen.

The Road ID bracelet Daniel gave me is one that contains emergency information about me in the off chance I should run into trouble.  All kinds of information can be put on the bracelet. Mine has my name, Jim’s name and contact number, and one other emergency contact.  The idea is that if I am unable to remember this information, or if I’m in a situation where I’m not responsive enough to do so, someone else can use the bracelet to both communicate with me using my name, to get some help, and to let my family know what is going on.

I love my little bracelet and I wear it anytime I’m off on one of my adventures.  As I was coming home from our Tuesday hike this week, I was noticing my bracelet on my arm as I drove.   I’m thankful to have it, and to know that if I lose my way or have a breakdown, someone else will be able to help me figure out how to get help.  As I drove along, every once in a while glancing at the black band with the blue stripe, I began to think we should all wear such a bracelet, not necessarily for our treks into the woods and onto the country roads, but for all the regular bits of our lives.

It’s easy during a quiet meditation to conjure up an image of ourselves at our best.  We do this equally well after a great night’s sleep, or during a rejuvenating holiday.  We also do it for at least a couple of hours after we’ve made a New Year’s resolution.  But when life gets busy, or when we get wrapped up in the busyness in our minds, we can easily forget who we are striving to be.  Somehow during these times, all our best laid plans for living our best life fly out the window and we are left resorting to old, familiar responses and habits.

As I drove along, I was imagining instead of me putting my name and contact numbers on my bracelet, I could have it engraved with things that would remind me who I am striving to become.  That way, if I happen to get caught up in the bustle of my life, I can just glance down to remind myself of what is really important, or of how I want to show up in this world.  Perhaps even more importantly, if one of my family members or close friends notices I’ve lost my way, or have gotten off-track, they will know how to steer me home.

I wondered what I might put on my imaginary ID bracelet.  How, after all, do I want to be identified?   Who do I want to be gently reminded to be? 

I want to be identified as someone who knows her values and her value.  I want to stand strong in my beliefs, and also be open-minded enough to understand the views of others and be willing to change my point of view as I evolve.  I want those I love to know I love them.  I want to work hard to honour and appreciate my body; to stay as active as possible for as long as possible.  I want to be adventuresome.  I want others to feel safe when they are with me.  I want to be identified as someone who is a living example of my beliefs.  I want to dance and sing.  I want to feel like my actions make a positive difference.  I want to do much good, and not much bad.  I want to champion others, and not lose myself in the process.  I want to be brave.  I want to be kind.

These are all ways I want to be, and be known, but it’s a lot to write on a small thin bracelet.  All of those words cannot fit.  It’s dawned on me what I want is for me to fully be me.  If I can do this, I’ll think I’ll be the best version of myself.  Perhaps all I really need is to simply put my name on my imaginary bracelet.  Perhaps when I lose my way, or forget my dreams, this will be enough to remind me who I am. 

Sometimes all we need is for someone to gently call our name, and by doing so invite us to show up as our best self.
My inquiry for you this week is, ‘Whose name am I wearing on my bracelet?’
​
Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching.  She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society.   She works with corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching.  She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups. She has particular expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations. Contact Elizabeth to learn how to practice the art of finding yourself.
 
 
 

Hindsight is definitely 20/20, and for most of the citizens of the world 2020 has given us more hindsight than we asked for, wanted, or felt we needed.  When I look back over this year, it has been a memorable one, but if I had the chance, I would not repeat it.  I’m still at the raw edge of this one; the edge where I can think of so many of the hardships, and I can’t quite get high enough above it to see what I am meant to be learning from it all. 

This is the time of year when I think about the blank slate in front of me and imagine how I might paint my own picture in the upcoming year.  2020 taught us we may be fools to think we can predict with any accuracy, the filling of our years with things we will do.  It has not, however, robbed us of thinking about who we might become along the route.

2020 has not been all bad.  It hasn’t all been difficult.   Nor has it been without blessings, and unexpected gifts of complete wonderment and gratitude.  One of those gifts worth my sharing as we turn the page to a new year, is that which I received from a young man in Kenya, Daniel (Mwaana) Njapit, in early December.

Here is the story, as I first posted it on Facebook, followed by Daniel’s response.

Just over ten years ago, when I was still teaching at RDL, a small group of students and I embarked upon a life-changing journey. The first year, our goal was to raise money to build two additional classrooms, for the grade 7 and 8 classes, at the crowded Enkare Ngiro government school. We also committed to sponsor, by way of paying tuition, the top male and female grade eight students to attend high school. Daniel Njapit was one of those students. Jim and I met him in that crowed school when we went to see the new classrooms in 2011.   This year, in early December, Daniel came home to his beloved village of Ewaso Ngiro, and stopped by the new school with a letter of thanks. Daniel has just completed his UNIVERSITY Degree! It was told to me first hand, that he arrived with tears in his eyes, to thank those of us who have walked this journey with him. To say I am proud of him, seems so much less than I feel. We only opened the door; Daniel walked right through it and did all the hard work on his own. He has chosen to be a leader; he deserves all the recognition in the world. We may have planted the seed, but Daniel watered it, nurtured it, cared for it, loved it and brought it into fruition. He is a remarkable young man.  Congratulations Daniel!

Here is Daniel’s (Njapit Mwaana) Response:

I don’t know where to start,
I am full of tears of joy as I write this.  It’s been an amazing journey, full of challenges and hurdles but also full of love and passionate support.
I don’t know how to express my sincere gratitudes and thanks to you all.  You’ve been an amazing family, you supported me and given me an opportunity to be the best version of myself.  Thank you so much.  Your impact to this community has been great, you’ve created many opportunities to many kids and I must also thank you for that.
This is a great milestone for me and it wouldn’t have been possible without your unwavering support and love.  I believe I now have a responsibility to help change my community to a better people through the smallest acts of kindness.  I believe that we can create a better future when we believe in others.  It’s my turn now to try and help the best I can for I know a candle doesn’t loose its flame by lighting others.
Thank you so much Red Deer Lake School and its entire fraternity for your support and love.  It’s been an amazing journey.  I made a lovely family out of you all!  Thank you so much!
I am the young man in the story.
 
I am the young man in the story. 

This is the line that stopped me in my tracks.  This is the line that has caused me to know what I am meant to learn from 2020.  I am the person in my story.   Other characters may enter and exit the stage on which my story is told.  Some of them play key roles.  Others stay on stage just long enough to drop pebbles into my pond, before turning away to continue their own stories.  But I am the person in my story.

Daniel had many people play supporting roles in his story.  I know only a few.  He had Merry, one of our project’s founding partners, who took on the role of surrogate Mum for all the students.  He had David, who continues the legacy of the project by overseeing the operation of Building Hope Academy.  With visits from Elizabeth, Glendon, Susan, Darryl, Victoria, Emma, Karen, Hannah, Ryan, Randy, Rick, Carmen, Chloe, Barb, Jim and I, plenty of pebbles of support were dropped in Daniel’s pond. Other supporting actors sent money, letters of encouragement and followed his progress.  He had the full support of his community behind him.  And yet, Daniel was the young man in the story.  Daniel was the person with the dream, who accepted the opportunity, who weathered every single challenge, who stood steadfast and who created his amazing story of success.

2021 is before us.  When we, one trip around the sun from now, look back on our lives, only one thing will be true.  We will be the person in our story.  We will have risen each day, made each decision, formed each attitude, and chosen each perspective to hopefully allow us to stand centre stage and proudly say, ‘I am the person in that story’.

I wish you a happy 2021.  May it be the year where you create the story of your dreams.  And may you have the confidence to stand proudly on centre stage and fully own what you have created.

My inquiry for you this week is ‘What story am I creating?’
 
Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching.  She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society.   She works with corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching.  She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups. She has particular expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations. Contact Elizabeth to learn how to create your unique story.