I’ve been working on a little quilt in my spare time lately.  It’s been a while since I’ve done any quilting so I was relieved to have a pattern to follow.  Picking out all of the material was the first challenge. The fabric needs to be interesting, and sort of matchy but not too matchy!  I can get overwhelmed with all of the choices.  The pattern asked for me to choose eight different fabrics for the background and out of those I was to cut nine identical squares from each, for a total of seventy-two.  Delighted with my precise cutting skills, I finished this part and then looked at step two which read, ‘Place the squares in a rectangle with nine rows and eight columns.  Arrange the squares in a pleasing pattern’.
WHAT??????!!!!!

I am a dot to dot girl.  A colour between the lines girl.  A show me the picture girl.  NOT an ‘arrange in a pleasing pattern’ girl. 

As I leaned over my table with my 72 squares in hand and started to place them ‘in a pleasing pattern’ I began to laugh at myself a bit.  Each of the eight fabrics were different.  Each did have some gray in them but that was where the similarity ended.  Some had polka dots, some had little flowers.  Some had abstract lines.  I had no idea which one looked best beside which other one.  This is just like my life, I mused; a whole bunch of very separate pieces that I, I who love order, am trying to link into a pleasing pattern.

I would say that in my life I have at least eight different ‘fabrics’ that I arrange in varying patterns each week, day, month and year.   I have my family who I prioritize, trying to create time to connect with each of them, and often trying to figure out ways for all of us to connect together.  I coach individual clients.  I create and facilitate workshops for a variety of organizations.  I am taking a six month long coaching certification course that requires in-class time as well as reading and writing time.  I take two dance classes each week and spend time practicing.  I volunteer with my dance group to perform at seniors’ centres and at public events around the city.  I work out faithfully and I’m always on the lookout for a running or biking challenge that reminds me to not act my age.   I love to create by sewing and knitting and quilting.   I am the president of Building Hope Society; a Canadian non-profit registered charity that focuses on education in Kenya.  I write this blog.  I cook and clean and do other mundane but necessary tasks.  I practice yoga.

If I think of assigning a fabric to each of these pieces of my life, and if I cut little squares out of those pieces, and then try to organize them on my dining room table in a manner that might reflect my past week, the pattern might have two or three identical squares right beside each other.  This would be indicative of a day when I spent longer at one activity than at another.  Some rows would likely be missing some fabrics altogether.  Some rows would have one of each of the eight different designs – these are days when I hurry from one event to the next.

As I picture this in my mind, this picture of the quilt of my life, I try to imagine if this makes a pleasing pattern.  Is it pleasing to have one day when all of the fabric represents me working at my computer, flanked on each end by a small piece of family fabric?  Is it pleasing to have eight different squares in a row, and then another eight arranged in a different order in the next row? These are the days when I am really juggling.

The truth is that I love everything that I do.  I also love the variety of what I do.  I also love the freedom I have to do things in new orders.  But the question remains, does this make a pleasing pattern?

It turns out, that after arranging the pieces of my real quilt over and over again, I have discovered it is not the actual placement of the pieces that will make my quilt most pleasing.  Each time I arrange them I can see ways I could have done it differently.  And perhaps even better.  I could make myself crazy with this arranging in just the right way.  So too with my life.  It is not the arranging of the activities that creates the good and satisfying life.  Rather it is the binding, the piece that goes all around the outside edge of the quilt, that I choose to use to hold all of the pieces together.  In the case of the real quilt, the binding is a colour that allows each of the squares to really come to life and to have a place of belonging.  In my life, the binding would be the values and the part of myself, that I bring to each piece of my life.  If I choose to hold my quilt together with rushing and frustration, then no matter how lovely each little piece is, the final product will not ever reveal its potential beauty.  If I bind my quilt with perfection, no one will feel safe in touching it.  If I don’t take care in choosing a quality product to finish off my quilt, the pieces will fall apart.

I know that I have beautiful fabrics to arrange for my life quilt.  I am trying to bind the pieces together with love, patience, openness, welcoming, acceptance, encouragement, wonder, belonging and gratitude.

As for my dining room table quilt, I am making it for a very special new baby who will arrive into our family early in the new year.  As I sew this quilt, I have given up on trying to get it just right.  I have given up on arranging the squares in a pleasing pattern.  Instead, I am focusing on making sure I start with beautiful pieces of fabric and that I bind them together with love, patience, openness, welcoming, acceptance, encouragement, wonder, belonging and gratitude.

May you bind your own quilts in a way that reflects only the best of what you wish for in your life.
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Book a coaching session with Elizabeth to help learn how to choose the perfect binding for your life quilt.  Elizabeth provides coaching for individuals and for groups.  She also facilitates custom workshops for teams, groups and businesses.

It’s been a tough year for Canada.  In this 150th Birthday Year, a year in which Canadians have been encouraged to celebrate all things Canadian, it feels like a cruel twist that we have lost too many iconic countrymen.  Early in the year we bade goodbye to Stuart McLean, our beloved story teller, and just this week, we mourned the passing of legendary poet, songwriter, philosopher, father, musician, husband, fellow Canadian, Gord Downie.

Whether or not you can sing the verse of one of his beloved anthems, or whether he first appeared in your consciousness just over a year ago, when he showed Canadians not only how to step into the recommendations made in the Truth and Reconciliation Report, but also how to face the most horrible diagnosis with grace and love, it is hard to argue against the idea that Gord Downie was a gift to Canada.

Gord Downie seemed to bring out compassion in people.  I did not attend any of his final tour performances, but our son-in-law, Matt, who is a huge “Hip” fan, and our daughter Kaitlyn managed to score tickets for two of those concerts.  My understanding was that the air in the arenas felt almost reverent.  Yes, people were there to hear the music. Yes, people were there to bid goodbye.  Some were likely there just to be able to say they were there.  But all who were there got so much more from the performance than just the pleasure of hearing their favourite tunes.  In Gord Downie, fans found a man who was willing to show vulnerability and strength.  A man who was willing to risk making mis-steps on a massive forum.  A man who was willing to face an uphill battle with dignity, and who never forgot gratitude. A man who bravely used his voice to say things that other less mortals have been afraid to say.

This week, we seemed fixed to the news when reports of Gord Downie’s death broke.  Our Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, wept as he spoke of Canada’s friend.  This honest response seemed perfectly aligned with the honest battle that Gord Downie so bravely fought.  When Peter Mansbridge, perhaps Canada’s most seasoned news personality, interviewed Downie earlier in the year, again, this honest exchange of emotion was evident.  This is one of the gifts that Gord Downie has given us; the gift of allowing ourselves to feel and to say what needs to be said.

When I heard that one more Gord Downie album will be released, bearing the title, ‘Introduce Yerself’, I immediately thought, ‘What a perfect title!’.  What a perfect gift he has left us with these two words.  What a perfect challenge for us.  What a perfect way to honour his memory.

At first read, the title, ‘Introduce Yerself’, might conjure up ideas about how we should be a friendly nation of people.  It brings to mind the idea of going up to a stranger at an event, holding out a hand and introducing yourself.  It brings to mind taking the opportunity to introduce one of your friends or colleagues to someone they don’t yet know.  It brings to mind learning to understand and accept differences.  Perhaps it makes you think of introducing yourself to a different way of thinking or being.  Maybe it is as simple at smiling at a fellow weary traveller.  For me, it is something more.

For me ‘Introduce Yerself’ comes with a request.  It asks me to fully step into my life, so that when in fact I do, ‘Introduce Myself’ I will be introducing, with honesty, the best possible version of myself.  It asks me not to play small, but to bravely take on challenges that I know I can accomplish, but that have been easier to avoid.  It asks me to stand up for others who do not have the voice to stand up for themselves.  It asks me to use my voice to speak my truth.   It asks me, in short, to squeeze every possible ounce out of the life I have been given.  It asks me to have the courage to live a brilliant life, with all it’s colours.   

Out of all the people who have written comments and spoken tributes about Gord Downie, two short statements stood out for me.  Gord Downie’s family released a statement that included, ‘No one worked harder on every part of their life than Gord.  No one.’ What a great legacy; what a wonderful way to model ‘Introduce Yerself’.

And Hayley Wickenheiser commented, ‘I kind of feel we lost a teammate almost.’  It seems to me that when a team loses a teammate, it is up to the rest of the team to step in and together to do the work of that missing person.  Gord Downie’s work was to bring joy to others through his music, to awaken a country to areas that need our attention, and to live and love and speak fiercely.  Now it’s up to Team Canada, the rest of us, to not let this moment slip past.  In coaching we say that in every situation there is always an opportunity.  Right now, we have such an incredible opportunity to adopt a little piece of Gord Downie’s spirit, and to commit to fully stepping into our own brilliance.

Take your well-deserved place among the stars, Gord Downie.  And thank you.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘How am I ‘Introducing Myself’?
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Book a coaching session with Elizabeth to help learn how to step fully into your life.  Elizabeth provides coaching for individuals and for groups.  She also facilitates custom workshops for teams, groups and businesses.

Well, it’s official.  I’m a famous movie star.  I know; I’m as shocked as you.

When Jim and I were travelling on the East Coast in June one of our stops was along the Cabot Trail in Nova Scotia.   Jim’s brother John, and his wife Donna, spend their summers there and John had recommended a few must-see places to Jim.  One of them happened to be the Doryman Pub in Cheticamp.  Cheticamp is a beautiful fishing village on the west coast of Cape Breton.  Since we had planned to be on Cape Breton Island, and since we planned to stop overnight somewhere, we decided that while we were in the neighbourhood we should investigate the Doryman Pub.  John had told us about the amazing musicians who perform there.

From what we observed on our trip, the East Coast is brimming with incredible musicians.  We had heard that the Doryman welcomes such musicians as Ashley MacIsaac and Natalie McMaster and that fish and chips are often served with a side order of Celtic or Acadian music and some step dancing.   This kind of music speaks right my heart so it wasn’t hard for Jim to convince me to spend an evening at the Doryman Pub.  Never content to just show up somewhere without doing his ‘research’, Jim looked online at the Doryman the day before we were set to arrive and told me excitedly that there was in fact, to be a live fiddler, Mike Hall, playing the following night.   Even more exciting was that the reason Mike Hall was live there on a Tuesday evening was because his music was going to be used in a documentary they were going to be filming about Harley Davidson riders on the night we planned to be there.  From the moment we drove into the parking lot in our rented Toyota Corolla, wearing my Keen sandals, I knew I would blend right in!

Jim’s research had proved to be correct.  There was, in fact, a film crew on hand and there were, in fact, passionate Harley Davidson riders in the pub.  There was also still room for some locals and for us.  As the evening wore on, we discovered that the film being made was called, ‘Common Ground’.

The basic premise of the film was that Harley Davidson riders are connected, no matter where they are from.  This documentary follows three Canadian riders. Each of them meets a rider from another country and spends a week showing them their part of Canada. 

On the evening we were at the Doryman, the rider from Cape Breton, Daniel Ross, was in the midst of his week of riding the Cabot Trail with a rider from India.  The stop at the Doryman was one of the planned events; a chance to show off the Canadian rider’s local stomping ground.

The evening was great fun and we loved hearing the music.  It also turned out that the rider from India, Vasanth, is an illusionist and so they asked him to perform. It was an awesome evening.  As the night wore on, the film crew captured Jim and I enjoying the show and we were asked to sign wavers in case the footage was used.  This past week we happened to see an advertisement for ‘Common Ground’ and of course we had to watch it.  And there we were.  Now, of course, we are famous.  The same kind of fame we got used to when we were extras in Superman 3, when it was filmed in High River in 1982.  But now I’m just name dropping.

What I loved when I watched the documentary was the reaction of the Canadian rider from Nova Scotia, Daniel, as he talked about his week.  He described how he had been so excited to show his country off to his new friend, Vasanth, from India.  What surprised him was not that Vasanth had loved meeting his friends and seeing his world, but how much he loved looking at his friends and his familiar world through a whole new lens.  As he introduced people and places that he had very likely taken for granted in his daily life, he presented each to Vasanth with a narrative of love.  As he talked about each one, the great pride he had for each shone through.  Prior to this, I don’t think that he had ever stopped to vocalize what he loved about his family, his friends and his home.  He said that he had expected to show off his life to Vasanth, but that he ended up realizing that by showing it off in it’s best light to someone else, he gained a whole new appreciation for what he has.

I’ve been thinking about how to use this in my own life and I’ve been quietly practicing this.  As I go about my normal routines, I imagine how I would introduce my ‘people’ and my places to a stranger.  When I look at the people in my life, I think about what I would say about them.  Because I get leaky eyes whenever I talk about things that mean a lot to my heart, I suspect that my introductions would involve tears.  But I also know that it would be so meaningful for me to really find evidence and to voice support and appreciation for these people in my life.  I could do the same with my job and with where I live.  If I was telling someone about it, and highlighting all the strengths, I couldn’t help but look at these things in a new, positive way.  I can only imagine how good it would be for my people to hear these things being said about themselves too.

As you go about your week, choose a couple of people who you may have been seeing through ‘familiar eyes’.  Imagine that you were going to introduce these people to a stranger, on a documentary.  You will be amazed at how this simple shift can change your whole perspective.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘What is my new script?’
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Book a coaching session with Elizabeth to help learn how to write new scripts.  Elizabeth provides coaching for individuals and for groups.  She also facilitates custom workshops for teams, groups and businesses.

As you know, Jim and I have been trying to make the most out of this Canada 150 year.  We’ve now been from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and we’ve touched each province in between, some for far too short of a time.  This past week, we had the chance to spend a long weekend in Whistler, BC.  I had never been before although it has long been on my ‘list’.  It did not disappoint.  What an incredible mountain town!  I can fully understand how someone like our waiter, who served us at ‘The Red Door’ on our last evening, went to Whistler when he was 19 and he remains there now as, in his words, he ‘pushes 50’.

As we drove from Calgary through the mountains and then out to Whistler, we loved looking at the landscapes and of course at the changing leaves.  It struck me over and over again, that no matter how beautiful any mountainside was, we always remarked with excitement when we saw a red tree, or more frequently, as we saw red undergrowth.  This colour seemed to catch our eye and stand out more than any other colour.

I began to think of all the Red Chairs that we have found this year in our National Parks. I need to do some counting but I know that we have been lucky enough to find Red Chairs in almost every National Park we have visited.  This trip, on our way toward to the coast, I realized that we had not found chairs in Yoho National Park, so we made an unexpected, but very memorable stop and travelled up to Takakkaw Falls where to our delight, we found two red chairs.  Once again, as we panned the scenery, the red in the chairs simply drew our eyes to them, even though behind them was a magnificent waterfall.

I don’t know what the thinking was on the part of Parks Canada when they chose red for the colour of the chairs.  I’m guessing that it was because red and white are the colours on our Canadian flag.  However, given that no chairs are white, it also might have been that the red simply stands out from all other colours.  Red is a hard colour to ignore.  It begs us to notice it.

This got me thinking about what we notice about other people when we first meet them, and also what we notice when we have known them for a long time.  I thought of people that I know and I wondered, ‘What is their red?’  What quality stands out about them?  What is it about them that just begs to be noticed?  What speaks the loudest about them?

I decided to think of a few people I know and to see if I could come up with the answer to this question: What is their red?
My friend Coralie was easy.  When anyone meets Coralie, they are immediately drawn to her kindness, her generosity and the feeling of safety she creates for those in her presence.  I have been friends with her for about 35 years and this was as true when I first met her as it is today.  To me, this is her red.  Other people who know her say the same thing.  They may use slightly different language but the idea is consistent.  Coralie’s red is something about the safe, loving space she creates.

Next, because he was trapped in a car with me and my thoughts, Jim and I started to talk about this idea of ‘red’ and Jim asked what I thought his red was.  I could easily answer this.  To me, Jim’s red is his ability to make anyone feel welcome and significant.  He is interested in everyone and he loves nothing more than to help others succeed. He does not really care what their goal is; for the most part, he simply wants to do anything he can to give others backing and a firm foundation on which to grow their dreams.  So, I suppose his red is his generous, positive, loving support. 

Jim asked what I thought my red was.  At the time, I answered as honestly as I could. I think that sometimes it is hard to see ourselves how others see us.  I said that I felt like what stood out about me changed from time to time.   Sometimes I feel like my red is my over-cautious nature (I might have even said that my red might look like a wet blanket).  Other times my red is my open heart.

Jim replied that he did not think that others see me as overly cautious.  This reminded me of two important things.  One is that how we see ourselves (with a very strong, often critical magnifying glass) is not always how others see us.  Two is that sometimes we do not acknowledge that we have acquired a trait that might have been less developed in our earlier life.  In this case, I realized that I may not have given myself credit for learning to live more bravely – my default for my self-view was still to see myself as cautious.

The main learning here is that it is important to take time to think about not only how others see us, but also to think about, and then to manifest how we want to be seen by others; to be clear about what red we are presenting to the world.

As you go about your life this week, you will create an impression of yourself for others to take away.  My wish is that you will wear just the perfect shade of red; one that showcases your individuality, that gives others a true reflection of your best-self, and that when caught in just the right light is nothing short of captivating. 
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My inquiry for you this week is, ‘What is my red?’