One of my favourite sounds this time of year is hearing the birdsong in the morning.  It’s the time when our little feathered friends wake up and begin to call.  I’m not a scientist, and I’m sure that any good biologist could give me the real reason for the calls, but in my mind, they are simply inviting me to join in the beauty of the day.

As I was listening to the birds the other morning, I thought about the idea of callings in our own lives.  I had a misconception of what a calling was for a long time.  I had read and been told that we should find work to do that is our passion, find what we are called to do, and if we do it, we will never work a day in our lives.  My understanding was that anything short of this would be wasting our time on earth.  I often noticed that many people, perhaps most people, do not have the luxury of doing this. My dad worked in a factory.  I don’t believe this was his passion or his calling.  I do believe it provided him with a way of providing for us.  I think that his truth was the same as many people’s truth. 

So, what then is a calling?  What calls to us and how can we incorporate that into our life?

One thing I now know about callings, after completing the Playing Big course with Tara Mohr, is that we do not have only one or two callings in our lives.  When I used to think about callings, I believed that I likely had only one calling, and I’d better get it right because it would inform my life’s work.  What pressure!  I now realize that we have many, many callings throughout our lives.  Some will be big and will stretch over years; some will be very small and will take up less than a day.  A better question to ask ourselves than ‘What is my calling?’ is ‘What am I being called to right now?’

As I think about people in my life, some of their callings are visible.  Jim, despite his career of being a school principal, and now a financial ‘guy’, is always called to nature; specifically, to animals in nature.  He brings this calling to life in so much of the work he does.  When he was in education, some of his very favourite moments were taking the students on mountain hikes and camping and introducing them to wildlife and the wonders thereof.  These days, when he isn’t at his desk crunching numbers, he sits on the Board of Directors at the Leighton Art Centre; why wasn’t I surprised when he told me he had volunteered to run workshops called, ‘Tracks in the Snow’ and ‘Birdwatching’?  This is one of his callings.  It gives him joy.  It gives him peace.

Contrary to my earlier belief, callings are not things that need to be our career.  We do not need to make money from them.  They do not need to take up the bulk of our time.  They simply ask us to make space for them in our lives.  Often, the reward from the calling is doing the thing itself.  Even a few hours each month spent on a calling creates vast benefits.
Sometimes when people experience a calling, they feel fear.  They might be called to do something that will shake up how the world thinks.  I’m guessing that the women who stood up for equal rights and more recently for the MeToo movement, felt not only called to speak out, but also felt fear.  They may also have felt like they needed to be part of it but they were not qualified.  They may have felt like they did not have all the required tools.  If only they knew that, according to Tara Mohr, these feelings can be signs of true callings.

I have been lucky in my life.  I do believe that my teaching was a calling. I was called to it at a young age and I am still called to teach.  To clarify, although I was hired to teach math, and although I love math, this was not the calling.  The calling was to provide a place where students could learn about themselves, to feel safe and welcome and be encouraged to grow into their best selves.  I wanted to hold up a mirror so they could see themselves in the capable way I saw them, and that by doing this they could bring their own gifts to the world.  This is my teaching calling.  I am at peace when I teach.  I feel energized, I feel like I am contributing and I feel ‘right’.  This would be one of those rare callings that does provide an income and that does span over a long time but not all callings are like this.

Lately, I am noticing other callings.  I am called to dance.  I will never make a cent at this.  And yet, no money could replace the feelings of peace and joy it brings to me.  I am called to be present for the classes and to bring my best when I am performing.  It may make no sense to others; that is the beauty of callings; only the person being called can really understand the pull.

My sister Mary is called to Storytelling.  There are stories that she feels compelled to tell; this is a force larger than her.  Sometimes she feels resistance, as if she should run in the other direction and yet there is also the feeling that this is her work to do.  Jim’s mom is still called, at almost 89 years old, to bring comfort and peace to those facing illness or death.  She is also called to sing.  And last week she called me to say, ‘I danced!  I danced!’  I’m pretty sure this is a calling.

This week our little Benjamin, now four months old, was wearing a wonderful t-shirt that said, Hug Life.  When we follow a calling, this is the feeling we experience.  The feeling of hugging life.  The feeling of rightness, of meaning, of rarity and of wonderful energy and joy.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘How are you called to Hug Life?’
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Elizabeth is a life and leadership coach in Calgary, AB.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups and she creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.  Contact Elizabeth to help you or your organization to figure out how to bring your callings into your life and work.  

With the unseasonably warm weather we’ve enjoyed in the past week, I’ve found myself pulled outside.  I’ve been on my bike, on the running paths, out for walks and even just out on the deck.  It isn’t that I had forgotten how much I love the outdoors, it is just that it had slipped my mind how much I really do love being outside.  I even enjoy going to appointments and meetings more.  There is something about the few minutes spent between car and building that feels so life-giving.

In my world, the winter months are often spent on inside projects.  I spend a lot of time at my computer, inside conference rooms facilitating workshops and meetings, in my home doing projects and little tasks and indoors meeting with clients.  I do my workout indoors, do yoga indoors and dance indoors.  I have seemingly endless jobs I can tackle during the inside winter months.  When spring arrives, I try to make as many opportunities as possible to get outside and do the outside jobs. 

I was thinking that this too applies to the coaching tools I’ve been sharing.  Over the past few months, in this blog,  you’ve been reading and learning about the Inner Critic.  You’ve learned ways to recognize her (him) and ways to deal with her so that you can achieve new goals.  You’ve learned about the stories you tell yourself that may no longer be serving you well.  You’ve learned how to replace these with new stories that will suit you better.  You’ve learned about accessing your Inner Mentor or Sage to find out what gems she has to help you make decisions.  All of these, I’ve realized, have been inside jobs.  These all involved having you think about things in a new way in order to make change in your life or at least in your state of being.

The weather has changed.  The tulips are up.  The trees have blossomed.  It’s time for us to do some outside jobs.

Last night I wore a new top to dance class.  To clarify, I bought this top last August.  It was a ‘new arrival for Fall’.  I loved it and thought it looked so modern.  Apparently, it looked so modern that every time I thought of wearing it, I second guessed myself and hung it back up.  You can imagine that my Inner Critic was delighted in herself for keeping me ‘safe’.  Well, last night, I guess spring fever must have got the best of me because before I could change my mind I put on the top, jumped in the car, turned up the radio and headed for dance class.  I’m not sure when I’ve ever had more compliments on something I’ve worn!  Good grief, what was I waiting for?  With all the time spent on working on the inside of me, I’d forgotten how good it feels to put a little effort into the outside.  (And just to clarify, I did wonder, “Oh dear, what must I usually look like?!”)

Besides our physical looks, there are plenty of ways we can do some outside jobs this season.  When was the last time you set the intention of looking outside yourself and making conversation with a stranger?  It could be as simple as striking up a short dialogue with a salesperson or someone in a group or class you attend.  It could be saying hello to everyone you pass on your evening walk.  Speaking of evening walks, perhaps your outside job might be as simple as finding ten minutes each day to get outside.

Maybe your outside job needs to be bigger.  Maybe you’ve been living inside a box that is too small for you.  If you can’t force yourself to step right out of your box, perhaps opening up a window so that you can at least see what you might have available could be a great first step. 

Getting outside your comfort zone can be very intimidating; NOT EVER getting outside your comfort zone is heartbreaking.  Think of how much more interesting it is to talk to someone who has the excitement in their voice of trying something new.  New does not have to mean unsafe, or huge or irresponsible.  New can mean a new restaurant (with an outside patio😊), or it can mean heading out to a movie instead of watching television.  Or going to a live game or concert or play. Or it can mean finding an organization that could use a new volunteer.  Or reaching out to a friend you have neglected for a while. 

Jim has been working on outside jobs lately too.  He and his friend Daryl took on the new project this spring of designing and building bird, bat and bee houses for a local golf course.  On Friday, he headed out to record how many bird houses have been inhabited and how many babies have been born.  What a perfect way to get outside; outside of his office, outside of his current circle of contacts, outside of his usual thoughts, outside of his regular activities.  I could almost feel the thrill in his heart when he sent me the picture of the tiny bird he replaced in her home. 

I challenge you this week to do some outside jobs; look outside of yourself, polish up your appearance, say hi to a stranger or try something new.  Go wild.  Shake it up.  It’s spring.  In a blink, we’ll be back to our computers and meetings last years clothes and snow shovelling.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘How can I bring this ‘outside’?
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Elizabeth is a life and leadership coach in Calgary, AB.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups and she creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.  Contact Elizabeth to help you or your organization to figure out how to bring your dreams or your work ‘outside’.  

I have a large exam coming up on Monday.  It’s been quite a while since I’ve been the student in this situation.  For many years I was the teacher and as such my thoughts around exams focused on whether I had taught the material well enough, whether the students were ready, whether I had created a fair exam and whether the exam would really tell me what the students knew.  I also believed I gave fair warning and good review and generally set the students up for success.

Isn’t it funny how a different perspective can change everything?   Our course instructor, Tara Mohr, has no doubt given our upcoming exam plenty of thought.  I have no doubt that she feels we are ready and that she has created a fair and valuable testing tool.  I even notice she is framing this as ‘a wonderful opportunity to showcase all we have learned’.  Hard though it might be to believe, I really do trust that this is the intent with which she is approaching this exam.

And yet….

I am still feeling a bit apprehensive.  This is all despite the fact that I’ve maintained a regular study schedule, believe I’ve got a good grasp of the material, have been an attentive student, have completed all assignments and even practiced the skills we were taught. 

Going through this process has given me reason to look back and recognize that when I was teaching, just because I believed the students were ready and well prepared, does not mean this is the way they may have seen things.  It’s a great reminder about other things in our lives where our plan does not match up with the result.  I recalled reading about this in Marita Fridjhon’s book, Creating Intelligent Teams.

Whenever we do something we do it with a certain intention.   We have a purpose or a plan.  This is a good thing.  It means we are being conscious about what we choose to do.  Even when we don’t think we have purposely set an intention, we really have done so.  Even when we say, ‘Oh, I’m not going to plan, I’m just going to wait to see what happens and go from there’, this too, is an intention.  Problems rarely arise from setting intentions.   How then is it possible that a teacher can have a certain intention and the student can experience something else completely?  For that matter how is it possible for us to set any intention, only to discover later that others misread us completely.

In cases like these, the challenges occur not necessarily because there is anything wrong with the intention itself, but rather because our behaviour does not match our intention.  When this happens the outcome or impact is rarely what we hoped for.

When we set an intention, in our own minds we can visualize what we want to happen.  We can strategize and plan and dream and prepare to manifest our idea.  However, often we forget that we have very familiar patterns of behaviour that we use and that people are used to.  If we do not align our behaviour with our intention, it is often easy for others to mistake our intention for something else.

For example, with Mother’s Day approaching, a child may want to let his mom know he really appreciates her and wants to demonstrate this by creating a special gift.  His intention is fantastic.  It may even be very well thought through.  Let’s imagine that this same child, in the creation of the gift, creates a large mess (this is the behaviour that is visible to the mother).  The mother, having absolutely NO IDEA what the intention was, only sees the behaviour (the mess) and she responds accordingly.  This response is the impact created by the intention and behaviour.  Needless to say, the result is not what the child envisioned when they began.

As a student teacher, when I was first learning to teach, a principal in the school where I had been assigned, had come to observe my well-planned lesson.  I loved my students and was excited to have the principal observe me.  At the end of the lesson, which had gone very well in my mind, he gave me a lot of praise about my content, delivery, classroom management and knowledge of the subject matter.  He then asked if I had enjoyed the class.  ‘Oh, yes!’ was my enthusiastic response.  His response stunned me and yet it provided me with invaluable advice.  He replied, ‘You need to let your face show that’. 

The secret to avoiding this disconnect is for us to try to match, with as much accuracy as possible, our intention with our behaviour.  This gives us the best chance to have our desired impact.  We need to remember that others cannot possibly see into our minds and know our intention.  The only tool they have to rely on is that of observing our behaviour.  The extra challenge for us is that our behaviour patterns may be so automatic that we no longer recognize them as problematic.

In short, we can see our own intention but not our behaviour or our impact.  Others can’t see our intention but can clearly see our behaviour and feel the impact.

In terms of my upcoming exam, I do know the intention of our course instructor.  She has explained it verbally to us and she has given it to us in writing.  Not only that, she invited one of her co-facilitators to also give her perspective on it, which aligned perfectly with what had been previously shared with us.   Perhaps most importantly, both of these women have demonstrated nothing but complete integrity in every dealing I have had with them.  There is nothing to make me think that this exam will be anything other than what they have offered – a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate my knowledge.

In terms of Mother’s Day, some of the little ones creating the ‘surprises’ won’t be very good at communicating their intentions.  As recipients, perhaps we might choose this weekend to be one where we don’t judge the behaviour before we investigate the intention!

Happy Mother’s Day!  I offer this with the best intentions!
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Elizabeth is a life and leadership coach in Calgary, AB.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups and she creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.  Contact Elizabeth to help you or your organization create alignment with your intention, your behaviour and the impact you have.

It’s been a tough few weeks for Canadians.  After writing about Humboldt a few weeks ago, I returned to my regular kind of blogs: ones where I find an example in my everyday life that can be used as an illustration of a coaching tool.  Last week, I felt strongly that I should write about the tragedy in Toronto, where 10 people were hunted down and killed by a complete stranger driving a rental van. Fifteen others were badly injured in this tragedy, all innocently going about their daily lives in a city they love.  The truth was that last week I had no idea what to write. I couldn’t bear to put my thoughts on paper.

Like many Canadians, I imagine I just did not want it to be real and by not writing about it I could somehow make it less.  I know better than this. 

Then on Sunday evening we turned on the late night National news and heard about the three little boys in Northern Manitoba who on Saturday had been doing what millions of us have done before them; walking and biking along a neighbourhood road, when they were struck and killed by an impaired driver.  How much can we take, I wondered.  It is enough.

What can we do in times like this?  One of the most helpful things I’ve seen Canadians do in these past weeks is to simply bear witness to these tragedies.  Hundreds of thousands of Canadians have stood side by side, in Saskatchewan, in Ontario, in Manitoba and from coast to coast, simply acknowledging the deep loss that has occurred.  This is bearing witness.  While it seems to be far too passive an act to represent our deep sorrow and sense of loss, it is in fact one of the most helpful things we can do. Bearing witness means that we choose to stand along side those who need us, that we willingly listen to or acknowledge the stories that need to be told and that we show our support by acknowledging what has happened. 

When we bear witness, we do not have to have witty things to say.  We do not have to share our similar story.  We do not have to know one single answer.  We do not have to pretend that everything will be alright.  We simply have to allow the other person to be seen.  And to be heard.  And to know that by being seen and heard, that what they are experiencing has worth to us.  When we bear witness we are saying, ‘You are not alone.  What you have experienced matters to me.’  By doing this, we lighten their load.

There is not much worse than going through a painfully challenging, or beautiful time other than to go through it without having anyone to bear witness to our experience.  There is an aching loneliness that accompanies anyone who has no one to bear their witness. 

The Zulu people of South Africa greet each other by saying, ‘Sawubona’ which means, ‘I see you.’

The response for this is ‘Ngikhona’, meaning ‘I am here’.

The order of this greeting is important.  Simply put, it indicates that until we are seen, we seem not to matter.  For each of the people affected by the recent events in Canada, the rest of us are left trying to let them know that we see them, that what they have experienced and are feeling matters and that we want to lighten their load.  Over the past weeks, we have all watched news coverage of complete strangers going to the sites of the tragedy to do nothing more than bear witness.  Sawubona, they seem to say.  We see you.

I was wrong when I thought that writing about these tragedies strayed from my regular writing about tools we can use in our daily lives.

Bearing witness is a powerful tool.  It is also a most welcome gift to receive.

As you travel through your week, notice people who may need you to bear witness.  They may not live in Humboldt or Toronto or in Nelson House.  They may serve you at a coffee shop, they may be stopped on a trail looking at scenery, they may be resting in a care-facility, they may be at your dinner table.  Bear witness. 

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘Who needs to hear me say, ‘Sawubona’?
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Elizabeth is a life and leadership coach in Calgary, AB.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups and she creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.  

I had to have a good laugh at myself this week.  Last week I wrote the blog Spring Cleaning, and in it described how we sometimes not only need to clean out our closets and get rid of clothing that no longer serves us well, but we should also take a look at spring cleaning our lives and take a look at what habits and stories need to be purged.  I laughed at myself because I recognized that I need to apply my teaching to my own life.

On Saturday, I went for my morning run.  Since it was chilly when I started out, I donned my trusty yellow running jacket, featured in my blog’s picture last week.  Apparently 1998 was a good year for yellow running jackets.  I know this since I could find old pictures of myself wearing this exact jacket as far back as that.  As I ran along the beautiful pathways in the provincial park near our home, many runners passed me, all wearing sleek, lightweight running jackets.  As each kilometre passed, they seemed to look lighter and I felt heavier.  I determined that it was time to find myself some new running clothes.

Tuesday morning arrived, and along with it sunshine and a calling to hit the pathways again.  I reached for my yellow jacket and then stopped myself.  I had promised myself that I would not wear this jacket again.  Yet the morning still held a chill and I needed something.  Imagine my delight when I searched through a basement closet and found a running jacket I had forgotten all about.  Apparently, about six years ago I had made the decision to get a new jacket (no doubt the yellow one was feeling outdated) and I had purchased a new one while in Australia visiting our daughter.  I can only recall wearing it once.  So, on Tuesday I zipped it up and off I ran.

This time I fit right in with the slick looking runners in my form fitting jacket.  The good news was that I looked the part; the bad news was that clearly this jacket was on sale because of it’s lack of breathability.  By the end of my run I felt like I was in a sauna.  Perhaps this was why I had only worn it once before!

All of this time spent running gave me time to think about not only the silliness of these jackets but also about what they represent in terms of making change in our lives.

Often, we read an article, or blog, or hear a TED talk, or listen to an inspirational speaker and we nod right along with their message.  Sometimes we will go so far as to share our thoughts about their message with someone else.  We can relate to their message and we see how their ideas fit with our lives and with our personal challenges or struggles.  What we fail to do is to apply what we are learning.  It is only by applying what we learn that we create the results we want.

When I think of the word apply, I think of applying makeup, applying the brakes in the car or applying for a job.  When a company applies a certain practice of safety they show a commitment or a certain standard of care.   In these cases, the word apply, implies that we repeat the behaviour over and over as required to achieve the result we desire.  When we fail to repeatedly apply a tool that could help us make a positive change in our life, we choose to not make change.

Many people mention that they don’t seem to have the self-discipline to make changes; even changes that they really want.  Often it is not self-discipline that is needed.  Sometimes all that is needed is for us to put a structure into place that gives us the best chance of success.

When I was teaching school, I was running about 5 or 6 times per week.  I knew that if I left my run until the end of the day, more often than not, I found a reason to skip it.  The morning was the one time when no one else seemed to have control over my time.  Yet it was so hard to motivate myself to get up and out the door.   I developed a structure that worked for me.  The night before, I would assemble my running gear, including my yellow jacket.  My running shirt and tights and watch were in the bedroom ready for me as soon as my feet hit the floor.  My shoes and coat and headlamp were by the front door, along with gloves and a toque on a cold winter day.  I had only one story I told myself when the alarm went off.  It went like this:  You don’t have to go for a run.  Just get up and get dressed and go out the door. If then you don’t feel like going, you can come back. 

I never once came back in without running.

I knew that this story was just one I had made up.  I knew that no one else cared if I ran or not.  And yet, this little structure, this little routine, helped me to have success.  By applying the structure regularly, I was able to achieve my goal.
When working with clients I often invite them to create or imagine a structure they can use to apply what they have learned.  Sometimes the structure is something physical, something they wear to remind them of the importance of the change they are seeking.  Sometimes it is a change in routine.  Sometimes it involves them telling someone else about their goal and using that as accountability.  The important thing is not the structure itself, but rather the application of the structure to help them manifest the desired outcome.

Last week I asked you as your inquiry when thinking about something you might want to ‘spring clean’, ‘Do I like this? Do I wear it well? Does it still fit me? Does it flatter me? Do I want it for another season?’  When I look at my yellow jacket, I have to admit the following.  I don’t love it but I love the memories it holds.  I do wear it well.  It doesn’t really fit me but it’s become very comfortable.  It does not flatter me. Not only that, when I wear this jacket, I feel like I need to run as often and as far and as fast as I used to.  For that reason, it does not suit me in this season of my life.

My mission this week is to apply my knowledge about spring cleaning to myself.  It’s time to find myself a new running jacket.  I want to find one that will serve me as well as my trusty yellow jacket but that will be more suited to running in this new season of my life.  I want one that will be able to hold all the new memories I hope to make while wearing it. 

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘What structure could be used to help you achieve the change you are seeking?’
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Elizabeth is a life and leadership coach in Calgary, AB.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups and she creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.   Contact Elizabeth to find out how you or your organization can use structures to help you achieve your goals.
 

Last weekend I continued on my quest to find some order in the world. 

Each spring I find myself returning to a childhood ritual of doing some spring cleaning.  At quite young ages my mother trained all of my siblings and me in this yearly practice of washing walls, stripping hardwood floors and even polishing silver!  These days, I don’t wash the walls or strip any floors and we don’t own silver, but I do like to wash my blinds and baseboards, sort through my kitchen cabinets and finally attack my clothes closets to get ready for Spring just in case she decides to knock on our door this year.

It didn’t slip past me that I while I do this every spring, I noticed that this past week, the ritual of cleaning, of making order, helped me as our country continued to grieve with the families affected by the Humboldt Bronco’s tragedy.  Somehow, I find that finding order in my own little world helps me feel in control.  Rationally, there is no sense to my actions, but it makes me feel better.

Although normally, when facing more than one task, I do the hardest one first and work my way to the easy jobs, this year I found I did the mindless jobs first and I’ve left the cleaning of my clothes closet for last.  Even I know that I must look like a lunatic as I go through the following routine:

I slide the hangars all to one side and then begin by moving each to the opposite side, one by one.  As I move the hanger, the theory is that I will decide if this item is one that a) I like b) I wear c) fits d) looks good on me e) would be good for another season.  If these criteria are met, then the item gets to stay.  If not, again, the theory is that it will be put in a pile for either donation, rags or trash.

The problem is the little voice in my head that often accompanies me into our walk-in closet.  Her chit-chat goes like this.  You paid quite a bit for that, it would be a shame to let it go without getting good use out of it.  Or, it doesn’t look great on you right now, but maybe next year.  Or, you probably should replace that one but don’t do it just yet, not until you have something new.  Or, maybe it looks better on me than I remember.  Or, my favourite, you don’t wear it but it really fits well and you might want it some day (this one is about things I haven’t worn for several seasons!).

Even I can recognize this voice as one that is very similar to that of my saboteur.  She doesn’t like it when I try to make change in big areas of my life and apparently, she isn’t fond of letting go of black sweaters either.

The process of spring cleaning my closet isn’t yet complete but it has made me think about what other areas of our lives need a spring cleaning. If we could push every activity, story, habit and relationship to one side of the room and then move them slowly into the middle for an examination, what might we discover?

I’m guessing that we each have some old stories that no longer serve us well.  These might be simple stories, stories that are so familiar to us that we don’t even think about them as stories.  We believe them to be the truth.  I remember when our children were still at home and I was working, that when my colleagues would invite me to join them for some socializing after work, that I would easily thank them but decline; I wanted to be home with my family.   This was a truthful story, and it served me well when I had children at home.  However, one Friday long after both kids were away at university, this same invitation was casually extended and to no one’s surprise, I declined.  Then I found myself driving home, to an empty house suddenly wondering, ‘Why am I continuing to say no?’  No one is expecting me to be home. 

My old story had created a habit in me that had become unconscious. Not only that, by this time my colleagues had a story about me too; I didn’t like to socialize.  My story no longer served me well and their story had no reason to change.  This was one story I could have taken off the hanger and moved to right to the trash pile.

I also have some clothes that I wear far too often.  I love these clothes.  They are comfortable, they fit like a glove, and quite simply, they are just ‘me’.  I reach for them without really thinking about it.  And that is the problem.  These pieces of clothing have become so comfortable that I’m now out of touch with other things that might look far more flattering on me.  This happens in our closet of life too.  We can get so good at practicing one quality that we eventually overdue it.  While it still feels very comfortable to us, others start to see us in this singular way.  For instance, if we practice being the one who will always say yes to the little (or big) extra jobs, we forget that we might have other skills to offer, like being the creative force behind a project.  Eventually others take for granted that this is simply what we do.  Not only have we over-worn this outfit, it begins to be the only one that others recognize us in.  We might be better served by donating this outfit to someone else who could use some practice at wearing it!

I know that I also have some habits that, like my clothes, just do not look or feel good on me.  It’s interesting that I continue to hold on to them as if suddenly, they will begin to serve me well.  If I could let these go, it might make room for new, more productive or helpful habits. 

This week as you travel through your life, take a look at what habits and qualities you need to spring clean.  Do they just need to be put away for another season, or do they need to be donated or trashed altogether?

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘Do I like this? Do I wear it well? Does it still fit me? Does it flatter me? Do I want it for another season?’

Enjoy your Spring Cleaning!
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Elizabeth is a life and leadership coach in Calgary, AB.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups and she creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.   

 

It’s been a long time since I felt like dropping to my knees in prayer.  That’s exactly the sensation I had last Saturday morning when I got up and discovered that the news bite we had heard on Friday night, mentioning a bus crash in Saskatchewan, with suspected injuries and fatalities, was far, far worse than any of us could have imagined. 

I don’t know what I thought God could do.

Throughout this past week I have swayed between needing to know information and not wanting to hear one more detail.  I have cried.  I have felt numb.  I have been in disbelief.  I have tried to imagine what these families, this community of Humboldt, Saskatchewan, and these survivors are going through. I have thought of the driver of the semi-truck that hit the bus.  I have wondered about the families of the boys, the coaches, the reporter and the lone girl, Dayna.  I wondered how they could possibly hold such grief.

I’ve tried to make sense of my own feelings; even that has seemed close to impossible.  I surprised myself when I noticed that one of my feelings seemed to be guilt.  Such an odd thought considering that I have nothing to feel guilty about.  I, nor any member of my family was supposed to be on that bus.  I did nothing to contribute to the accident.  But my guilt stemmed from feeling like I had no right to take up space with my emotions when others were hurting so badly as to be unimaginable. 

Eventually, I’ve concluded that my overriding feeling is one that I have seen displayed over and over again this past week.  It is of course one of grief.  But it is also one of great compassion.  I know I stand with all Canadians, and with many others around the globe when I stand in my compassion; in my feeling of such sorrow combined with my feeling that I need to do something.  And in my helplessness in not knowing what it is that needs doing.

In the midst of all of the sorrow and grief this week, I have also experienced a feeling of pride.  I am so, so proud of the way that Canadians, as a collective, have responded to this tragedy. 

The people involved in this horrific bus crash were all part of the Humboldt Bronco’s Hockey team.  Most were players, several were coaches, one was a reporter.  There was a statistician, a bus driver and a trainer.  They were a team.  They were on their way to a playoff game, something that thousands and thousands of hockey teams do yearly in this country.  This perhaps is why we can all relate with such compassion.  This was such a regular day, with regular people doing a regular activity, that had the accident not occurred, most of us would never even have had a hint that somewhere in Saskatchewan, a team of young men, with dyed blond hair and painted toenails were on the move, heading to an arena where they would play in a sport they loved and that has come to define us as a nation.

Such a regular activity, with such an unimaginable outcome.

In Canada, when ‘our’ team plays, whether it be the tiniest little boys and girls whose helmets tipped forward seem to propel them up the ice, or the ‘big boys’ and ‘big girls’, the famous ones, we don our jerseys, wear our team colours, warm up our voices and cheer them on.  We are unabashedly proud to show our support and pride in whomever it is we like to call ‘our’ team.  We get carried away in our cheering and we love to play the part of armchair coaches.  We all love the sound of the tap, tap, tap of hockey sticks when they are used to cheer on ‘our’ team.

This past week, the Humboldt Broncos became Our Team.  Every one of us is now identifying with them.  Some of us are identifying with them because we play hockey, some because we have a son, some because we come from a small town, some because we are first responders, some because we are teachers, some because we have a sibling or friend or neighbour who is part of the game.  We each have a reason to feel like we are part of Team Humboldt.  I feel like while we may be wearing red and white, Canada’s colours, on the outside, on the inside there is nothing but green and gold.  Every one of us is warming up our voices to cheer them on.  Some of our voices will be quiet in conversation.  Some will be strong in support.  Some will be raised in prayer.   Some will be unheard as the tears overtake us.  Some will speak in remembrance.  Some will speak in encouragement.  Some will speak in grief.  Some will speak in hope.  Some will speak in disbelief.  Some will be forced to speak in a professional capacity, as doctors, nurses, police and paramedics.  All will speak in support and with compassion.

Last Saturday morning I sent a text to my friend Rhonda, telling her I was thinking about her.  Her son, Jake, is a hockey player and I knew this would hit especially close in their home.  Rhonda’s response summed up what I think Canadians are feeling.  “We didn’t know anyone on that bus.  But really we knew all of them.”

I’m still feeling lost.  And numb.  And overwhelmed.  And full of grief and compassion.  I still do not know what to do.   I borrowed a hockey stick from my friend, Derek, because we no longer own any.  Over the next few days as funerals happen and injured players are released from hospitals I hope we can each use our hockey sticks to tap our boys, and girl, home.  For now, it’s on our front porch, in case the boys need it.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘How can I show compassion?’
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Elizabeth is a life and leadership coach in Calgary, AB.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups and she creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.  Elizabeth is a proud Canadian, and a fan of hockey, but more importantly she is a fan of anyone brave enough to be following their dreams.

I stole the idea for this the first part of this title from my friend Chad, who used it on Strava to title yet another one of his recent cold runs.  Good grief, when will this winter end?

I’m hoping that the continued cold weather and snow, that often looks so romantic in early December but that has really lost it’s shine now, will finally leave us but until then I’ve been thinking that we could all use a boost of energy.  The kind that we usually get from waking up to sunshine, the sound of birds singing and the hope of some warmth. 

It seems crazy but I’ve been noticing that things that usually seem easy to me have recently been feeling burdensome.  I can’t quite muster up the energy to feel inspired.  Luckily for me, I sometimes get the chance to be with other people who remind me about things I already know but have tucked away.

This week I had an incredible day working with the School Board Trustees from Foothills School Division, in High River.  This group has been relatively newly elected and each of them is serving their first term as trustee.  This is not a ‘normal’ situation.  ‘Normally’ there are a few returning trustees and a few new faces.  When this happens, the experienced trustees know the ropes and they guide the new ones along until everyone is feeling comfortable.  With the group I am working with, they recognized the potential deficit in their team and decided to take the steps right from the start to create the atmosphere and cohesive team that will lead them forward for the next four years.  I have been lucky enough to join them in this journey.

This week, as we got started working on some tough issues, I started with a little question to get them thinking and to discover something new about each other.  I asked, ‘What would you do if you knew you could not fail?’

When I first posed the question, there was silence in the room.  These are not twenty-year old’s.  Some may or may not collect CPP.  Let’s just say this is not the first rodeo for any of them.  And yet, they were silent.  Slowly they chose a partner and started to talk.  When we reassembled into our group, they introduced each other using their answers.  It was humbling to hear people offer their dreams.  Some of the answers could well be lost dreams for one reason or another, but in that moment, the dreams were alive and spoken with the kind of reverence that one uncovers as they mature and start to value the gift of time and choice.  One said he would become a doctor; that he had always had the calling to serve in this way.  One offered that she would become a pilot. 

It was wonderful to hear these ideas and more importantly to notice that even as people talked about what they might do, to notice how their faces lit up.  I had joined in this exercise too as there were an odd number of people.  I surprised myself by sharing two things: one was that I would bike across Canada, the second was that I would bravely reach out to new organizations that I believe could benefit from my Leadership work.

What was incredibly interesting to me was that when others heard the answers given, they could easily imagine the person not only doing what they had shared but also imagine them doing it with great success.  It reminded me that the barriers we believe to be stopping us from doing things are often only visible to us.  The person I was sharing with said to me, about biking, ‘Oh that would be easy, just hop on your bike, put a little tent on the back and start out’.  I of course had been imagining all of the logistics; planning the route, knowing where I would land each night, trying to figure out money and food, researching the perfect clothing, and on and on until I am exhausted.   Her idea may have been simplistic, and it isn’t particularly practical, but the truth is, it could work.

In the course I have been taking with Tara Mohr, she offered us a segment called ‘Let it be Easy’.  The idea is to think of new ways of looking at things that typically feel hard for us to do.  A great question I’ve been asking myself these days is, ‘How can I let this be easy?’

Most often, my answer to this simple question does not lead me to something I need to DO, rather it leads me to think about a new way to BE or to think.  It never leads me to thinking that someone else needs to hop on board in order to make it easy for me.

Many years ago, when I was still packing school lunches for the kids, I found myself dreading the task.  One day one of the kids mentioned that they loved opening their lunch and seeing my home-made chocolate chip cookies, a staple in our house.  For whatever reason, that comment made me think that when I sent our kids to school I had no control over what their day might hold.  I thought that if, on a tough day, the only good thing was opening their lunch and seeing that it was made with love, then from then on, I would pack their lunch with love.  Almost instantly, making lunches did not feel like a heavy chore.  Nothing really changed in terms of what went into the lunch (although I must admit I did up my game), but my new attitude made the lunch packing feel like a gift rather than a chore.  Once I thought about it this way, I never went back.

As we slog through what I hope may be the last few days of this endless winter, I challenge you to try out this new tool.  Notice when something is feeling heavy or uninspiring and make a game out of thinking how to ‘let it be easy’.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘How can I let this be easy?’

Elizabeth is a Life and Leadership coach. She works with motivated clients, helping them to realize their goals.  She creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups and provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups.  Contact Elizabeth to learn how to begin to take bold steps.

I often say, “When we win a million dollars, I’ll…”.  This week has been no different.  Most often I say it as a joke.  The truth is that when I look at our lifestyle compared to billions of others on this planet, there is not one thing we are wanting for. 
This week, however, we really do need to make a decision based on money.  It isn’t life threatening. It’s not even close to a crisis.  We were unexpectedly invited to join some friends on a trip next fall. It is to a country that really is not on our bucket list.  However, we know we would have a great time and I’d bet that once we came home we would wonder why it hadn’t been on our list.  The big decision we need to make is whether to spend the money or save the money.  We can afford the trip; taking it simply means that we would not get to go on a different trip that we had been thinking about. 

When I was growing up there wasn’t much spare money in our house.  Amazingly, at the time, none of my brothers or sisters or I realized this.  We had plenty of home grown food, we all worked on the farm as well as having other jobs so we had pocket money and my dad made sure we had a camping holiday every summer.  We didn’t go to restaurants or stay in hotels or fly on planes.  My father ‘taught’ (read: lectured at the dinner table) us that these things were excesses and that people who engaged in such frivolity must be irresponsible.  He had us convinced that camping was way more fun than any hotel could be.  And that a homemade meal eaten at a picnic table in a campground was far better than any restaurant meal could ever be.  He made sure we knew that saving was good, and spending on unnecessary things was a waste.

Naturally, I took in all of this advice and it shaped my propensity to be a saver.  I think hard about spending on big purchases.  Alas, I may have generalized his advice to create a belief that all spending is bad. I now know that nothing could be farther than the truth.

As I’ve been thinking about our potential trip, I recognize that this ‘save or spend’ decision is one that we are asked to make many times in our lives.  Sometimes the decision is about money, like our current decision is.   Most often it is about things that on the surface may not seem as important as money, but in the twilight years of our lives may end up revealing themselves to have been far more valuable than any amount of money.

The things I am referring to are things like talents, opportunities, best clothes, manners, kindness, volunteerism and clean houses.

When was the last time you were presented with an opportunity, even a small one, and because you may have been tired or busy, simply decided that you could save it for another time?  Of course, you may have assumed the opportunity would present itself again.  Perhaps it isn’t opportunities you are saving, perhaps it is that you are saving your talents.  You may have a beautiful voice and yet do not use it in your own home.  Or perhaps you know how to create incredible meals but you are saving the good ones for company. 

Maybe you have an outfit that shows off your skin, and makes you feel beautiful, but you think you need to save it for somewhere special to wear. Or perhaps you walk right past the opportunity to spend some energy on an act of kindness, saving it for a more convenient time.  Sometimes I save kindness for complete strangers and spend my short-temper on those I live with.  I’ve been guilty of turning down a chance to go for a walk, in nature, in order to spend my time on making sure I have a clean house.  And I’ll bet many of us have spent time volunteering for others when someone in our own family could have used our company; or perhaps we didn’t spend our time volunteering for others, instead we thought we could save that for a time that was more convenient for ourselves.

My dad wasn’t completely right about everything.  As an adult, I recognize that he didn’t want us to notice what we didn’t have and he did want us to learn to be grateful for what we did have.  He was right about that and each of his children have grown up to be responsible, contributing adults.  He may even have been right in teaching us that it is good to save.  However, I think it is also possible that there are many wonderful moments in which we should spend freely.  Looking back, I see that my dad knew this too.  He would have had no trouble encouraging us to spend our talents, spend our love, spend our kindnesses, spend our good manners and spend our time wisely, among other things.

The good news about the upcoming possible trip is that there isn’t really a bad decision to be made.  Whether we take this trip or a different one, Jim and I will be spending time together, making memories.

As you travel through this next week, notice where you are choosing to spend, and where you are choosing to save.
My inquiry for you this week is, ‘Is this moment a moment meant for spending or saving?’
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Elizabeth is a Life and Leadership coach, working with motivated clients wishing to live their best life.   She creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups and provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups.  Contact Elizabeth to learn how to begin to take bold steps toward spending your life in a way that honours your values.

I really love the look of a nice hat.  Unfortunately, I don’t look good in hats.  I’m not sure if it’s the shape of my head, my thin face or my mindset, but I do know that whenever I have tried on a hat, no one, not one person, has ever said, “Wow!  That looks great on you.”  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that some of us should keep our head bare (except when bike riding, when even I succumb to a helmet).

My sister and my daughter can each really pull off ‘the hat’ and each of them do it regularly. They each have quite a variety of hats and each of them can wear them like they were meant to be worn.  I think that is part of the secret.  They both really know how to make it work.  It is as if the hat is just the finishing touch on a perfect picture.  As for me, whenever I put on a hat, I feel so self-conscious I kind of slink into a room, looking for a dark corner so as not to be seen.  This is NOT the recipe for the successful wearing of a hat.  You really have to feel good in a hat to wear it with confidence.  It has to feel so good that you almost forget you have it on.

Despite my inability to carry off hat wearing with confidence, the truth is that I have had the opportunity to wear a number of very exquisite hats in my life. 

For many years I wore the hat of teacher with pride.  This hat fit me to perfection.  There was no hiding in corners when I wore this hat.  I felt passionate, innovative, dedicated and inspired.  I never wanted to hide for all the years I wore this hat.  And no matter how many days I wore this same hat, I always felt renewed and current.  I wore this hat so well that I almost never took it off. It just became who I was.

Another hat I loved was my parenting hat.  It’s become very well worn over the years and I think parts of this one have now been sewn into every other hat I’ve ever had.  It comes with me on every journey and even though it has changed over the years, it’s still my favourite of all.  The original fit so well I usually forgot it was on my head.  I didn’t have to remember to put it on when I left the house, I really think I even wore this one into the shower.

My runners hat has carried me many places and been with me through many problem-solving moments.  When I wear this hat, I feel free.  I feel like I can do anything. There is a certainty to this hat.  I know what is expected of me when I wear it and I know I can find a way to achieve my goals.  In this hat, I forget little grievances, I dismiss doubts and instead I listen for the familiar pat pat of my shoes as they strike the ground.  There have been times when I have lost this hat; in doing so I felt like I had lost a vital piece of myself.

My dancers hat is quite new to me.  I love this hat because it requires me to be more than I thought possible.  When I put on this hat, I know it is ‘show time’.  It’s such a gift to have a hat that thinks we can do more than we ever thought we could.

This past week I donned my facilitators hat as I worked with a wonderful group of School Board officials.  In this hat I feel creative, confident, energetic and purposeful.  I’m very at home in this hat.  When I wear this hat, I get to watch people as they gain valuable insights about themselves and about the contributions they make to their organizations, families and lives.  I could wear this hat every day.  It energizes me and shows me at my best.

In other parts of my life I have less showy hats, but I have hats nonetheless. I’ve been known to wear the hats of uncertainty, guilt and control (this one is one I try to leave in the closet as much as possible now that I see how it really looks on me).  The hats of worry, self-doubt, and pettiness are not good looks for me either.

I’ve also worn the hats of grief, of joy, of wonder and of love.  Wednesday evening, I brought out a hat I rarely wear; my silly hat.  What a laugh we had at our dance practice with me wearing this one!  I’m trying to remember to wear my hat of curiosity as often as I wear my hat of certainty.

Since it’s spring time, a time of new life and renewal, it’s a good time for me to think about which hats I’d like to donate to someone else and which hats I’d like to wear more often.  In my case, I’d love to have someone design me a hat made by combining my comfortable parenting hat, my confident coaching hat, my inspiring dancers hat, my consistent runners hat and of course my full-heart hat.  Since I haven’t found this designer yet, it will be up to me to stop by my closet each day and make a conscious choice about what hats I will choose.

As you head into Easter week, what bonnet will you choose? 

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘Is this the hat I choose to wear?’

Have a great week!  You look fantastic in that hat!
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Elizabeth creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups.  Contact Elizabeth to plan your next professional development day or to simply spend some time with her trying on hats!