I’ve been covering a lot of ground in the past weeks, seeing the sights of this province with my dear childhood friend, Louanne. Sometimes I knew where I was going, sometimes we took the scenic route, but always we had plenty of conversation and laughter to sustain us. To say she’s had a tough year is the understatement of understatements. The personal loss she has endured is beyond what most of us could brave. It’s hard to imagine her putting one foot in front of the other, never mind navigating the road ahead.
We had no trouble filling our time together. We visited the wild horses near Sundre, watched a wonderful play in little Rosebud, lunched at the Banff Springs Hotel, hiked to see Mountain Bluebirds, flew kites with Ben, Andy and our dear friend Shirley, cheered on Greg in a road race, visited Spruce Meadows, ate, drank and played cards by the hour. It was a wonderful time to just be together.
As we drove home after one of our excursions, we were watching for the correct exit to leave the main highway. At the time we were talking about not only the preciousness and uncertainty of life, but about making the most of the years we have left. Louanne and I were born the same year. Our parents were best friends, and so our families were tightly connected in friendship and love. She is one of the few people who knew me first. There is no backstory explaining needed with her. We just understand one another. We know what things shaped us into who we have become, we understand each others deepest values, and our relationship is one of support. While we live in different parts of the country, we are very lucky to still have one another in our lives. We both know we want to treasure our healthy years and be able to look back and know we used them in ways that fulfilled us and not left us wishing, ‘If only ….’. This is very likely what led to us noticing the exits passing by on the highway.
We were remarking about how fast the seasons pass by when we passed an exit off-ramp leading from the highway. No sooner had we seen it than we were past. ‘And there it goes’, I said to Lou. ‘Another year, just like that’. And a minute later, ‘There goes another one.’
We were quiet then, for we knew it was true.
Each of us is travelling pretty much at top speed through our lives. We need to be, sometimes just to get by, but also so we can accomplish everything we hope to, and to fit in all we want to. The danger of living at this speed is that the exits fly past us so quickly we sometimes don’t even see the signs, never mind being able to signal, get into the right lane and safely turn off. And just like that, another opportunity, or even year, passes us right by.
I wish I could say we solved the mystery to this in our time together. I wish we knew exactly how to slow down life, and to make sure we are doing the things that really matter to us. I wish those highway exits had really large signs, with flashing lights, that said things like, ‘SLOW DOWN. DO NOT SKIP PAST THIS. TAKE TIME TO DRIVE THIS ROAD AND ENJOY WHAT IT HAS TO OFFER. YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS THIS!’
I have been working on living like this for the past number of years. Perhaps I’ve always had a bit of it in me. I think one of the secrets of not living with regret is remembering we have two hands to hold things in. In one, we hold all the things we have to do. In this hand we hold the demands of our job, the things we need to do to keep our home running smoothly, our list of chores, our appointments, duties, obligations, and responsibilities. This hand is closed tightly around all our ‘must dos’ holding on dearly so as to not drop anything. Sometimes this hand gets so full we make the mistake of using our other hand to help us carry the load. I have been known to be guilty of this.
This is our mistake, for our other hand is meant to be used for balance. It we should fill with the things we want to do to help us become who we strive to be. In this hand we should have a bigger view of life. This hand should be opened upward, ready to receive the best things in life, reminding us to stop picking up things with our other hand, and instead to take a breath and ask ourselves this, ‘If this is my only chance view this beautiful sight, to play with this child, to have a conversation, to renew my body, to celebrate a milestone, to talk to my sister, to dance with my friends, to climb a mountain, to paddle a river, to hug my children, I don’t want to miss it.’ This hand points us to those off-ramps. It prompts us to put life into our living.
I’m in a very busy season of life, both personally and professionally. My hand that holds all my responsibilities is very full. But I’m finally at the place where I am ok just holding that full hand while I follow some of the off-ramps leading me away from the busy highway of life. I’m even ok if a few things fall out of my full hand. I would not, however, be ok if another year flew by without me spending time doing things that fill me with joy, with the people who fill my heart.
Take some time this week to explore one of the off-ramps on your highway of life.
My inquiry for you this week is, ‘Highway or off-ramp?’
Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching. She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society. She works with corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching. She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups and has expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations. Contact Elizabeth to learn how navigate the off-ramps of life.
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