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Making Memories

12/19/2015

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I read this quote from Dr. Seuss today and thought that it was just what I needed for this week leading up to Christmas.

“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” ~ Dr. Seuss

As Christmas rushes toward us, many of us are trying to finish the shopping, finalize the menu for the big feast or party, juggle schedules so that there is time to see everyone, and do it all while somehow maintaining a pleasant attitude!  It dawned on me that while each of these things might need to be done, there might just be some wisdom in the words from Dr. Seuss.  So often we are waiting for the ‘finished product’ so that we can turn it into a memory.  The truth is that there is a chance to create a memory while we are hustling about getting ready to make memories!

I think about some of the things that have become memories in our family story.  The ones that have made the memory book were not always the ones that we planned for.  Nor were they the ones that cost the most money.  When I think back to all of the years that we lived on our acreage one of the things that I find myself missing this year is seeing the deer on the back lawn.  When they came up toward the house on Christmas Eve, while I cooked or did dishes I loved to watch out the window as they stood so peacefully in the back yard.  To be honest, I can’t say for certain what I was cooking, but I can say that I will not soon forget the beauty of those moments.

I know that many times Jim and I wrestled with what might be the perfect gift for one of the kids only to discover, once all of the expensive gifts had been opened, that a small deck of Five Crown has given our family hours and hours and hours of happy memories.

In a similar way, a bad memory can also be created in the blink of an eye.  Often we don’t even know it until the moment is over and we realize that our short temper, or inattention, or lack of thoughtfulness has hurt someone, or robbed our family of a potential positive memory making opportunity.  Placed at just the right (wrong) time, moments like this can make memories that are not easily erased.

This holiday season, I am not only going to make sure that I find just the right presents for everyone; I will also make sure that I am present.  I will try to be conscious about how I am showing up to each activity.  I’m pretty certain that many of the memories made this Christmas will come when I least expect them.  I’m hoping to add to the good ones.

I wish for each of you a very Merry Christmas, filled with many memory making moments!  May you give and receive the gifts of presents and presence. 

With that spirit in mind, I will be present with my family for the next 10 days. You can read my next blog on the first weekend in January, when I’ll be back.

Merry Christmas!


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A Reason, A Season Or A Lifetime

12/13/2015

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I had a great visit with my very wonderful friend Coralie this week.  It’s been a long time since we have had time to just get together and catch up.  One of the things that Coralie has told me before is that she believes that all people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  I guess the word season resonates with me now because often when we talk about Christmas we talk about the Season of Christmas. 

That got me to thinking about the truth in those words.  Sometimes when we are having a difficult time with someone, instead of just being completely frustrated, it is helpful to think about what that person is teaching us.  What is the reason they are in our life at this time? It takes some of the emotion out of the situation and lets us be a bit of ‘the bigger person’. 

The same thinking can be applied when we have to say goodbye to someone after a season; perhaps because we have moved to a new job and don’t see them, perhaps because the relationship has run its course or perhaps because we have simply moved on.  Thinking that the person was with us for the season that we needed them helps deal with the loss.

And those of us who are lucky enough to have great people in our lives for a lifetime really have something to be grateful for this season.  These are the people who knew us when, who know us well, and who love us always.  These are the ‘Coralies’.

I was feeling pretty good about all of this (you know, being the bigger person and all) until it dawned on me that if I think about things this way, and if there is truth to it, then other people also have the ability to think about their relationship with me this way.  Yikes!  What a lot of pressure!  I am really hoping that I am not being used in someone else’s life to teach them patience (although I suspect that might have been true this week!) or to learn to set boundaries, or as a cautionary tale, or for any of the other multitude of not-so-wonderful reasons that might be possible. 

In the same way, since I am a person who really values relationships, I hope that the people with whom I share only a season or two look back on those seasons with fondness and good memories.  And I especially hope that the lives of people who are in my life for a lifetime, are better because I am a part of theirs.
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This Christmas Season I plan to use my ‘bigger person’ skills to not only allow myself to be forgiving of others and to accept that they may be with me for a reason, but I am also going to make sure that my reason for being with them is to bring something positive, that this season with them will be fondly remembered, and that memories we might make will last for our lifetimes.


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I Love Christmas....But

12/6/2015

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Yesterday, Jim and I decided to take a drive and spend the day in Canmore and Banff.  The weather has been unseasonably warm, the mountains are snow covered and with Christmas just around the corner it seemed a perfect way to spend a Saturday.  On our drive toward Bragg Creek Jim noticed a beautiful Bald Eagle that was sitting on a branch of a tall tree.  Jim commented that he misses seeing wildlife everyday like we used to when we lived on our acreage.
 
I agreed that I have also been missing the wildlife and then I added, “But I am happy where we are too”.   And then it struck me that I didn’t need the “But”.
 
It is perfectly ok to hold two seemingly opposing feelings at once.  When we put a ‘but’ before a comment, we tend to diminish the initial comment.  The ‘but’ somehow mutes or softens or even discounts the initial statement.  For instance, at this time of year I often hear people say that they love Christmas but.... they dislike the work and the pressure.   
 
In one of my workshops there is a segment where partners work together to have a conversation.  Partner A begins by saying, ‘I am going on a trip to Banff.  Would you like to join me?’  Partner B must respond with “Yes, but.... “ and then complete a thought.  They alternate for a couple of minutes always starting each sentence with ‘Yes, but...’  Right after this, the exercise is repeated with Partner A saying ‘I am going on a trip to Banff.  Would you like to join me?’  This time Partner B must respond with a ‘Yes, AND.... ‘and then complete a thought.  Again, they alternate for a couple of minutes always starting each sentence with ‘Yes, AND...’
 
 You can only imagine the change in the energy in the room when the word ‘But’ is eliminated and ‘And’ is included.  When ‘And’ is used, the energy rises, the possibilities seem endless and creativity is at its best.
 
I’ll challenge you this week to ‘But’ out.  When you catch yourself starting to say ‘yes...but’, pause and see if it might not just be possible for you to accept the statement that you have heard or made, AND have another thought that is equally true but does not diminish the initial statement.
 
For my part this Christmas, I am going to miss being on the acreage AND I am going to love being in London with our son Greg and Cara.  I am going to love being with Greg and Cara AND I’m going to miss being with our daughter Kaitlyn and Matt.   AND no matter where I am, I am not going to miss out on chocolate:)

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    Elizabeth Critchley (CPCC, ACC) is an accredited, certified, Professional Life Coach who excels at helping motivated clients clearly define and work toward their goals, dreams and purpose.  She believes it takes the same amount of energy to create a big dream as it does to create a little dream.  She encourages her clients to dare to dream big.

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