I had a wonderful bike trip with my brother, Daniel, last week.  We were in British Columbia, in the Kettle Valley.  For those of you who don’t know British Columbia well, the Kettle Valley is the valley that is immediately east of the Okanagan Valley.   Our mission was to depart from Midway, follow the Kettle Valley Railway Trail (KVR) all the way to Penticton, and then take the road the rest of the way until the loop was complete.  The total distance was 340km.  Our original plan was to take 6 or 7 days, then we reduced it to 5, and finally when we got going we decided that anything worth doing was worth doing fast so we settled on pushing ourselves and completing it in 4 days.  My husband, Jim, provided us with a support vehicle, water refreshing, route planning and cheerleading.  In addition, he travelled ahead of us to places where the trail would cross a road (often a very poorly maintained back road), then cycle down the trail to meet us and then back to the truck with us.  There were a few beautiful sections of the trail that we were able to all complete together.
When we began, although I had done plenty of training, I really did not have a lot of experience with ‘off the groomed trail’ mountain biking.

I’ve had a few laughs at myself about how I morphed in only a couple of short days.  For instance we knew from reading books on the KVR that we would have to cross two streams on Day 1.  We were advised to pack water shoes to make this more comfortable.  And of course we did.  We arrived at the stream, took off our biking shoes, put on the water shoes, crossed, then took off the water shoes, dried our feet and put on the dry socks and biking shoes.  That was Day 1.  And those were the water hazards we had been pre-warned about.   And then came Day 2.  The water hazards on Day 2 were spread intermittently between the rock slides and the fallen trees that also had to be negotiated.  None of these were written up in the book.  When we arrived at the first water crossing we saw that it was about 30 feet long and it covered the entire path.  There was no going around it.  It did not look too deep so we decided to take a run at it and try to pedal through it.  It had a very rocky bottom but we both negotiated it quite well, keeping our feet dry.  Flash forward to water crossing 25.  By this time we simply took a run at it and hoped for the best.  Our water shoes were completely dry, firmly affixed to our panniers and our shoes and socks were soaked.  We had been in water well over our knees.  Twice I came right off my bike, unable to maintain forward motion in such deep water.  We videoed each other trying to stay upright.

As I learned to negotiate all of the challenges over the days of the trip I learned a very important lesson.  Early on when I noticed challenges like rock slides that covered the trail I would mentally talk myself out of trying them.  Sometimes I would get off and walk a few metres to more solid ground.  Later I pushed myself to try them but often got caught up on the rocks and had to start again.  A couple of times I took a tumble.  I wondered what I was doing wrong.  Somewhere about the middle of Day 2 I had the realization that one thing that was impeding my success was that I was focusing my energy on the obstacles.  As I came to an obstacle I focussed on it.   As I focussed on it, I often found myself running headlong into it.  By mid Day 2 I realized that there were often several ways around each obstacle and I started to focus on finding those and ignoring the obstacles.  Amazingly, many more times than not, I sailed right through.  Even more startling to me was that as I began to do this, I also eased up my death grip on the handlebars and started to let the bike do some of the hard work.  By Day 3, my Day 1 self would not have recognized me.

I know that this is a pattern that I, like many of you, employ in my life.  When something gets in the way of one of my ideas, or plans or dreams, I tend to spend a lot of energy thinking about the obstacle and trying to figure out how to outsmart it, or go through it, or make it disappear.  Even when I clearly know that the obstacle will not move, I may continue to try to think up ways that it might magically do so.  Sometimes it even defeats me before I get started.  On the trip, once I began to focus on the many ways around the obstacle, the obstacle became somehow ‘less big’, and the solutions became very easy to see and to navigate.  Noticing that I had some help was also good.  In my case the help came in the form of my bike but until I realized that, the bike was part of the very obstacle I was struggling with.   

My challenge for you this week is to practice noticing the spaces and routes around the obstacles in your life, rather than focusing on the actual obstacle.  And please, put an adventure onto your bucket list.  I have no regrets about my cycling week – loved it!

I’ve been thinking about this word ‘Realize’ for some time now.  Often when we use it, it is in the context of something like, “I just realized that you were here.”  Or, “I realized that I didn’t like my job”.  When ‘realized’ is used in this context it seems to indicate that there is a sudden, new, unexpected thought.   Although this is a very common use of the word, there is another definition that has a much more significant meaning.

When something is realized it means that it has been made to be real.  For instance, someone might realize their dream of becoming an author.  This does not mean that they suddenly wake up and recognize that they think they would like to be an author.  It does mean that they make this dream come true.  They ‘realize’ their dream.  By writing and publishing a book, they realize, or make real, the notion of becoming an author.

When we think of it this way, the word ‘realize’ has great power.  It reminds us that we are not simply pawns in this big game of LIFE.  It reminds us that life is not made up of a series of ‘Aha’ moments that sneak up on us.  It reminds us that if we want to look back on our lives having accomplished certain things, then it is us who is responsible for making them happen.  It is us who must realize what we hope to accomplish in this life.

Once I understood this concept, it became less easy for me to leave my fate to others.  I knew that the results I wanted in my life could only be realized by me.  In some ways, I do not like knowing this definition.  It puts the responsibility for my life firmly on my shoulders.  It forces me to face the idea that when things have not turned out how I wished they had, that I have had some part in the ‘realization’ of those things.  On the other hand, when I look back over the years of my life, the things that I am most proud of are those that I have realized.  Not those that have been handed to me by others.

About 15 or so years ago I took part in a leadership course.  During that course we were asked to write a list of goals and dreams.  Today, this would be called a Bucket List.  I still have that list but I do not regularly read it.  However, I did read it this week and I noticed how many of the 81 things on that list I have managed to realize.  In fact, as you are reading this, I am realizing #31- Bike the Kettle Valley Rail Trail.  I also noticed that #63 is to Create and Facilitate Workshops (this was long before my Life Coaching Days) and that #47 is See Polar Bears in the Wild (November, 2015).  Apparently this writing down thing has some merit!
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This week, my challenge for you is twofold.  Part one is to think about the things that you have managed to realize in your life.  Part two is to make a list of those things that you have yet to realize.  You’ll be amazed that by simply thinking about what this word can mean, you will feel empowered to accomplish your dreams.

Yesterday I was talking to my friend, Rick Castiglione.  He mentioned that he had enjoyed my latest blog and then suggested that I write something about saying ‘No’.   He said this is something he really struggles with.  He explained that he had been raised to help others and to work hard.  This has led him to find himself often answering ‘Yes’ to requests, when at times he knows that ‘No’ might be a better response.

Many of my clients express this same concern to me.  They find it so difficult to feel good about saying ‘No’ to things.  This is equally as true in their work lives as it is in their personal lives.

I explained to Rick that when people tell me that they have trouble saying ‘No’, one thing I help them to see is that they are actually very, very good at saying ‘No’.  At first they do not agree with me.  But I have a little trick that helps them adopt a new perspective.

Picture a little stick (like one that you would pick up outside), that has ‘Yes’ carved in one end and ‘No’ carved in the other end.  When we try to pick up this stick, it is impossible to pick up only one end of the stick.  When you pick up one end, you also pick up the other.

To put it another way, when we say ‘Yes’ to something, we are simultaneously saying ‘No’ so some other things.  Every time.  This is why I maintain that we are excellent at saying ‘No”.  We simply disguise it as a ‘Yes’ because for some reason that seems more palatable.

For example, when we say ‘Yes’ to taking on a project, we concurrently say ‘No’ to the other things we might do during the time the project will take.  Ironically, the things we often say ‘No’ to involve our families, our personal health and our mental health.  It could be that we say ‘Yes’ to staying late at work.  If we do this (which is not necessarily a wrong thing to do) it means that we are saying ‘No’ to some other things in our life – perhaps time with our family, time to exercise, time to call or connect with a friend, time to work on a hobby, time to make a healthy meal etc.  The bottom line is that we are very good at saying ‘No’.  We have simply forgotten, or never realized that by saying ‘Yes’, we are making a bargain.  Part of that bargain is that we are clearly saying a very firm ‘No’ to something.

So, what is the solution?  Well, as I explained to Rick during our mini coaching conversation, part of the solution is simply becoming aware that by saying ‘Yes’ we are also saying ‘No’.  Sometimes just realizing this is enough to make us pause before we quickly answer ‘Yes’.  The other part of the solution is learning to re-frame our responses.  Once we recognize that we are carefully negotiating things into our lives by saying ‘Yes’ or ‘No’  we can frame our answers in a new way.  One effective response can be “Oh, I’d love to, but I’ve already said ‘Yes’ to something else”.

This gives us the feeling of saying ‘Yes’ while we remain very conscious of what we are negotiating into our lives.  It allows us to operate from a position of power, rather than feeling like a victim.

My challenge for you this week is to simply notice what you are saying ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ to.  It can be life-changing!
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If you find the tools you learn in these blogs to be helpful, it could mean that you would love some coaching from Elizabeth.  If an airplane is off course by one degree, the result to its destination is huge.  Most flights are only hours long.  Imagine what a 1 degree correction in a life could do.  

This week I had fully intended to write a second blog about what I learned at Mount Rushmore.  It was to be about how long it took to carve the mountain and how very far in the distance that must have seemed at the beginning.  However, when I started my blog last year I promised myself that there would be no pre-set agenda, and that I would simply write about what came to mind in the current week. 

This week, for most Albertans, the thing on our minds is the devastating fire raging in Fort McMurray.  This has been a nightmare of a week for residents of this northern Alberta city.  Up until this week many would have said that it has been a nightmare of a year – with oil prices low, job loss high and morale drooping.  But those problems pale in comparison to what has happened in the last few days. 

I read a Facebook post this week from a man that I do not know.  I copied a portion of it:

“It's funny because as I stare in the dark I keep telling myself that the words running through my head aren't true. The words "it's all gone" won't pass. But I keep reminding myself of what I know to be true more than ever. I have everything in this room with me. When I was leaving our home I looked all around and tried to decide what was important enough to take and the answer was nothing. Nothing mattered except my family. It still doesn't. And I feel so grateful because when I tried to leave town south bound I was delegates from my wife and my daughter Olivia, and I had my daughter Emma with me. I got to a pint where I couldn't go further and the highway was covered in flames and I didn't think we would make it out. I looked at my angel and I have never felt such a fear. Such dread thinking I wouldn't be able to save what I hold dear. That's what I can't shake. What I can't let go. And while I trembled and shook; my little girl in all her innocence smiled at me and was laughing and wanted to play.
I'm not writing this for help or for sympathy. I have what I need and we will be just fine. I'm writing this for two reasons. One because I need to let some of this out of my head, and two because I hope it will make everyone squeeze your kids a little tighter this week. Read them and extra bed time story. Give them and ice cream and watch them smile. Call your sister you are angry at and make up, or your brother you haven't had time to chat with in a while and say hi. Tell your loved ones they are loved and make time for a family dinner. Everything else is bullshit. It does not matter.
I came to Fort McMurray in 2008. I already knew wen I got here I didn't like it and I was just gonna make a few dollars and leave. This place has became my home because I found out everything I heard about the town was wrong. It is friendly, happy, and a great sense of community. And it has given me everything. My wife. My children. My career. My friends. My greatest memories and milestones. And tonight as I write I still have all those things”.

There is more to his post, but I think the part that I copied captures the spirit of what I have been thinking about this week.  That is, when we find ourselves in desperate situations with our backs to the wall, our true values surface.  For this man, he has discovered, or perhaps he knew this all along, that one of his highest values is his family, and the relationships he has with others.  He also speaks of his value of community.  And reading between the lines, I think I hear the value of him being willing to embrace the unknown, as he did when he arrived in Fort Mac in 2008.  What is important about this is that when we clearly know our values, they help us make every decision we are faced with.  And more importantly, following our values allows us to feel some peace with the decisions we make.

Just writing this down will help him in his journey of healing and rebuilding.  Because he has now has a crystal clear vision of what he values, he will know what he is working toward once his rebuilding phase begins.  For now, he and all the evacuees will need some time to absorb the shock.
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Mount Rushmore took 14 years to carve.  It must have seemed like an impossible mountain to climb in the beginning.  There must have been days when the setbacks felt insurmountable.  I think that this father from Fort McMurray must be feeling a bit the same way.  He can picture the life he wants, but the work, the resources needed and the time to rebuild it seem insurmountable.  What I saw at Mount Rushmore was the result of what happened when one man, also facing a massive task, stayed true to his values, received help from others and put one foot in front of the other.  Over and over, until his masterpiece was revealed. I believe that there are masterpieces waiting to be revealed by the residents of Fort McMurray.  The rebuilding plan will be held by the citizens of Fort McMurray, the values will be theirs too, the helpers will be all Canadians, and the masterpieces will last for an eternity.  Stay the course my friends.