I originally wrote this post in November 2015.  I saw a picture of this trip in my Facebook memories and wanted to share it again.  Please enjoy this recycled piece.

Jim, I, our daughter, Kaitlyn, and her fiancé, Matt went on an incredible one-day adventure yesterday.  We flew from Calgary to Churchill, Manitoba for a one-day, once in a lifetime, Polar Bear Safari! Ok, maybe twice for me as I’d love to go again!

There is wisdom in everything.  Here is a tidbit from what I learned yesterday. 

As we made the short bus ride from the charter plane to the place where we boarded the tundra buggy along the beautiful coast of Hudson Bay, the bus driver, Paul, told us a bit about living in Churchill and about the bears.  He pointed out a building that he called Bear Jail.

He explained that in the 1970’s and early 1980’s, if a bear wondered into town, it was shot.  Everyone had a gun.  Bears were seen as a nuisance, and they absolutely were a threat.  At that time, people simply didn’t understand very much about the bears, and they certainly did not consider the implications of shooting them.  Many were killed each year. 

Flash forward almost 40 years.  Now, bears are almost never killed in Churchill if there is any feasible alternative.  One such alternative is Bear Jail.  When a bear presents itself as a problem now, the bear is captured and placed in Bear Jail until it can be sedated and then airlifted away from town.  Sometimes the bear has to be in jail for many days until resources are available for air lift.  While we were there, there were 18 bears in the jail.  They would soon be relocated as the ice was ready to come in, thus allowing the bears a way to get out to their winter home.

Paul told us when they first started Bear Jail, they fed all the bears sentenced to jail.  This seemed humane and appropriate.  They later noticed however, these well-fed bears, realizing the jail was a good and easy place to get food, returned to town year after year.  They would get into trouble in town and be put into Bear Jail, where they would be fed, and then released when resources became available.  And so, the cycle was created.  The same bears kept showing up in Bear Jail year after year.  Keep in mind at this time of year, the bears are waiting to go out on the ice to hunt seals.  They have not eaten since springtime, and they are hungry; Bear Jail was quite appealing.  In the wild, they would have very, very little food to eat. 

With this as their insight, Paul told us they changed their practice.  Currently, the bears in Bear Jail are given ice and water, but no food.  Paul reminded us that even though this might seem cruel, a hungry bear is much better than a dead bear.  He reminded us that bears in the wild go months without food at this time of the year.  He knows people might criticize this practice, but it is definitely best for the bears.

There are times in all our lives when we have to deal with a person with a bad behaviour.  Often our reaction is to do something that makes us feel better.  We justify this by telling ourselves we are being kind.  For instance, if we deal with a person who gets upset when things don’t go their way, we tend to avoid having that happen.   We adjust our behaviour, so we don’t have to watch them, or deal with them, being upset.  We give them what they want even when we know it is not the best solution, and we disguise it as being kind, or avoiding conflict, or de-escalating a situation.  We might even begin to foresee what could upset them and start planning to avoid having it happen at all. They never have to change their behavior because in the end they get what they want by doing it.  When we do these things, we are simply reinforcing the very behaviour that we do not want or like.  We stop their bad behaviour for the moment, but soon they are back, doing the exact same thing, knowing how we will respond.   And we ‘feed’ them again.

In the dark, on the way back to the airport, our bus had a flat tire.  Paul had to radio for a new bus.  We were transferred onto it very carefully, as Paul’s wife had radioed the bus and warned him there was a huge polar bear at Paul’s house, which was near to where we were.  Paul removed the rather large gun he carries on his bus and brought it with us onto the rescue bus.  When we got to Paul’s house, the new bus driver dropped Paul off at the end of his driveway and we watched him trudge up the driveway with his gun, in the dark, making plenty of noise to warn the bear.   He said he wasn’t afraid, that this was just life and he was very glad that he and the rest of the resident’s of Churchill, were learning to live in relationship with the bears.  The bears did not have to be shot, nor did they always have to get what they wanted.  They have learned to co-exist. 

I’m going to offer that we stop feeding the bears in our lives.  If you notice yourself responding to a colleague or friend in a way that does not stop an unwanted behaviour, but simply reinforces it, try responding in a new way; take away their proverbial food.  It will be uncomfortable at first.  In fact, their behaviour might escalate for a bit as they test you to make sure that you are really serious about not ‘feeding’ them anymore.  But, gradually, they’ll figure out that they need to change their behaviour, or go find someone else who is willing to feed them.

Thanks Churchill, Manitoba.  I had the most amazing day in your backyard yesterday.  I’ll treasure it for a long time to come.
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Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching.  She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society.   She works with individuals, corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching.  She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups. She has expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations and in conducting Leadership Reviews. Contact Elizabeth to learn how to stop feeding the bears in your life.
 

Jim’s brother, Rob, and his wife, Dawn, were in town this past week.  Rob’s been receiving medical treatment in Calgary every few months and we’ve been lucky to be able to host them and have some wonderful visits.  There are so many really nice parts to this; Rob and Jim have, for most of their adult lives, lived far away from each other so having them within a day’s drive has allowed for more visits and for a chance to reconnect.  Another part of the fun of these recent visits is they’ve been able to connect with our children, who they haven’t seen in decades, and they’ve been able to meet their great-nephews, Ben and Andy.  Ben is enthralled with Rob’s keyboard, and Rob loves to share it with Ben.

Covid has reminded us all that simple pleasures such as this, in-person visits with brothers and sisters-in-law are precious events indeed. 

As Rob and Dawn were making the long drive home after their visit this week, they occasionally texted as they went.  One of Rob’s texts mentioned they’d love to leave a little gift for Ben and Andy for Christmas.  I thanked them, adding while it wasn’t necessary, it was very kind.  Rob texted back, ‘It’s so nice to reconnect with your family and throw some love around’.

Throw some love around. 

I smiled reading it.  Rob and I have a very similar sense of humour.  This slightly flippant remark hit the right note with me.  And it also really made me think we could all stand to throw some love around.

Later that same evening I sat down to watch the Canada-Mexico soccer match.  I love watching soccer and this game did not disappoint; it was a thriller with Canada emerging victorious after a heart-pounding final quarter.  The fans in Edmonton braved the freezing temperatures to sit outside, in NOVEMBER! to take in the game. Celebrating the victory, they were cheering and clapping, and remained in the stands long after the final whistle was blown.

One incredibly Canadian moment that has graced every manner of social media since the game ended was the photo of player, Sam Adekugbe, jumping into a snowbank in celebration of the win.   We may never again see such a sight.  Considerably less viral, yet perhaps even more magical, was another eye-catching moment, occurring once the mayhem on the pitch settled, and the fever of the fans slowly grew.  One player, whose name I cannot remember, went to the end of the field, and started to raise his hands in a clapping motion to encourage the crowd to join in.  Join in they did.  As more and more fans waved flags and cheered and clapped in unison, this player threw handfuls of snow into the air.  It glistened and danced like stardust under the night lights, so fitting for the incredible victory.

Literally, he was throwing some love around.

It’s hard for me to wrap my head around, but Christmas is just over a month away.  It’s often considered the Season of Love.  In normal times, we’d exhaust ourselves with parties, gatherings, family get togethers and feasts.  Although I long for those days, I do recognize sometimes I didn’t approach my commitments with the grace and love I could have.  At times it felt like pressure and stress mixed in too.

This season we are still far from our old Christmas normal, but we’re much closer than we were a year ago.  We’re in a bit of a sweet spot.  We can plan a few activities with people we feel safe around, and yet we don’t have to exhaust ourselves with too many activities.  I think this could be the year when we can perfect the art of throwing some love around.
 
I’m planning to start early and do it often.  I’m refusing to make it feel like work.  There are so many ways we can throw love around.

Just this week we all watched the devastation in British Columbia, caused by the extreme rainfall, 250mm in 24hours.  Unbelievable.  My goodness, British Columbia needs all the rest of us to throw some love around.  All around.  To all of them.  They need love in the form of supplies, food, shelter, manpower and emotional support. They need to know we’re with them.

Even if we don’t have a direct way to help our cousins in British Columbia, every single one of us can find someone or some organization, ready to catch the love we throw.  I’m going to start with some small warm-up love throwing.  Like smiles.  Perhaps I’ll strike up a little conversation with the radiologist taking my x-rays next time I go.  Or maybe I’ll let someone know exactly what it is about them I appreciate.  Maybe I’ll knit another toque to add to our knitters group donations.  Maybe I’ll do some baking for Jim’s mom to put in her freezer for Christmas time.

And maybe, just maybe, if we REALLY want to throw some love around, Dawn and I will go wild and let Rob and Jim win the next Euchre game.    

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘Where can I throw some love around?’
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Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching.  She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society.   She works with individuals, corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching.  She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups. She has expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations and in conducting Leadership Reviews. Contact Elizabeth to learn how to throw some love around.
 
 

When I get repeated hints about something from the universe, I know it’s what I should be writing about.  This week, it’s cows! 

Cows!

In one of the areas where I hike, in the spring, ranchers bring their cattle to graze on the grasses of the Foothills.  There are cattle guards along the road to prevent the cows from leaving the area.  However, the area is vast, and over the five or six months they are out there, the cows can wander quite a distance.  Brenda and I have seen several cows while out hiking.  A month ago, I actually had to stand my ground and wave one off as it charged toward us.  I laughed, recalling how I had done this as a young girl.

Usually around the end of October, or earlier if the snow arrives before it’s welcome, the farmers organize cattle drives and herd the cows back to the lower land, to the ranches where they will winter.   

This year was no different.  One Tuesday, toward the end of October, as we drove out to start our hike we commented on the absence of the cows.  We knew the cattle drives had happened; a sure sign winter was soon approaching.

Two weeks ago, both Brenda and I were nervous as we hiked along.  We had seen a black bear the previous week, so every sound made us a bit jumpy.  A trail runner came up behind us at one point and almost scared us off the path.  The fright from the runner, and all the other little sounds, were short lived and replaced with us laughing at our own jumpiness.  As we made the descent from Powderface mountain however, we stopped in our tracks when we heard an ominous roar.  We looked at each other and paused for a minute, listening.

A cow?????

I’ve heard a lot of cows mooing in my life, and I knew without a doubt, this was most definitely a cow.  In fact, it had not roared so much as bellowed.  As we stood there wondering why we had been fooled, we realized it was because there should not have been any cows in the area.  They should have all been rounded up. 

We never did see the cow that made such a noise, and other than commenting that we wished we knew how to let a rancher know there was still one cow out there, we didn’t give it much more thought until this past week.  This week we hiked up a wonderful trail called the Race of Spades.  In the spring and summer, it is used by mountain bikers.  A group of bikers maintain this trail and build complex jumps out of the natural logs in the area.  They name each jump, or obstacle, and someone has used their creativity to make colourful signs denoting the name of each.  It feels so uplifting to see each of them.

The Race of Spades opens up to a road at the top end of the trail.  We planned to cross the road to see the incredible view, and then make our way back down a different, non biking, trail.  As we approached the road, we heard the sound of a vehicle.  Just as we were about to step up onto the road we saw a mini, modern, cattle drive headed down the road.  I say mini because while a ‘real’ cattle drive might have over a hundred head of cattle, this one had six.  I say modern because while a ‘real’ cattle drive involves horses and dogs, this one used two pick up trucks and a quad to keep the cows in line.

We waited just off the road as they passed so as not to scare the cows into the woods.  Horses could easily have followed them and ushered them back, but trucks?  Not so much.  Once the trucks were past us, the quad pulled up and we chatted with the driver, Corbin.  He told us they were still missing a few cows.  Suddenly a light went on for us.  We told him about the cow we had heard the week prior and were able to give him an exact location.  He was very pleased and planned to take a helicopter up looking for it, and the others the next day.

A couple of days later, forgetting all about the cows, I was at my desk, conducting phone interviews regarding a leadership review I am facilitating.  One of the people I spoke to, told me of the bravery of this leader.  They said when they think of her, they think of the statue found in New York City, outside of the Stock Exchange.  It is of a little girl, standing face to face with a bull.  Fierce, is the word that was used to describe this leader, this leader advocating for the safety of women who have faced violence against them.  ‘She is fierce’, they said. ‘She will face anyone with the truth.  It takes courage to do what she does.’

I remember as a young girl, having cows on our farm.   Sometimes they would charge (I think it was more like running) toward us.  When we would tell our Dad, he told us to face them, to stand our ground.  He told us not to run away.  I have no idea if this is good advice about cows, but it served us well then, and it was one of those things that I knew, even then, was a bigger lesson than it appeared on the surface.  Dad was teaching us how to deal with things that we feared. 

Stand your ground, he would say.  Face them.  Let them know you mean business.  They’ll turn away.  And they always did.

I’ve been feeling grateful for my dad’s advice this week.  Even though Brenda and I didn’t exactly have to stand our ground when we heard the cow, and even though we didn’t really have to be fierce even when we saw the bear, it reminded me I can stand my ground, and face my fears, and even be fierce when I choose to be.

Fierce doesn’t mean angry.  Fierce doesn’t mean rude.  Fierce means showing a heartfelt and powerful intensity.  Ferocity, fierceness, allows me to stand up for myself, to stand up for what is right, and to stand up for others who may not have such a strong voice or who were not lucky enough to have a father who taught them to fiercely face cows. 
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My inquiry for you this week is, ‘Where do I need to be more fierce?’

Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching.  She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society.   She works with individuals, corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching.  She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups. She has expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations and in conducting Leadership Reviews. Contact Elizabeth to learn how to become fierce.
 
 

There are a couple of times each year when I get the urge to get my house in order.  It’s not exactly out of order, but just as in most homes, the pantry gets filled with almost empty boxes of crackers, the part of the flour that didn’t quite fit in the sealable container needs pouring in, and the bits of pasta left over need some inventive recipe to use them up. 

Other parts of the house are the same.  I find the clothes rods in my closet crammed with clothes that are ‘perfectly good’.  I often forget to question, why, if they are perfectly good, I’m not wearing them! The kids’ toys are the same.  Over the months we seem to accumulate more and more, and before long there are toys at the back of the cupboard we’ve forgotten all about.

Although no visitor would notice if these ‘closet’ things were cleaned out, it makes me feel completely different, better, and more settled, when they are.  One of the things an observant visitor would notice is that my windows could use a cleaning.  I need to call my friends, Ed and Marie, who have done this job for us for close to thirty years.  When we moved to the acreage, the back of the house was three stories high including the basement.  We quickly decided this would be one place we would splurge on outside help.

As I’ve been busily working at my computer these past weeks, I’ve found myself thinking it’s time to get at it.  To tackle the Fall house clean.  I don’t know exactly what causes me to have an appetite for it at this particular time of year.  It could be that Halloween feels like a messy holiday, and with the exception of the reflectful Remembrance Day, the Christmas season is known to bring its own share of messiness too.   Knowing this, it’s possible I just have a hankering to get my house in order.

The truth is, I don’t have time for a true Fall house clean right now.  And yet, another kind of house cleaning is also calling my name.  This one, I have no excuse to ignore.  It doesn’t take physical energy; it doesn’t really take extra time.  It can be done while driving or snacking or walking or knitting.  This house cleaning is the one where I open the doors and look into all the rooms of my inner self.  Each of us has many rooms inside ourselves.  Each of these rooms hold different parts of our complete selves.  Some we visit frequently.  These are our comfortable rooms.   We are very familiar with the person living here.  Some of these rooms are so put- together, we know we can welcome others into them without a care. 

One of these rooms would be the one where I find my ‘family self’.  In this room, I like the self I find.  I know just where things fit in this room.  Everyone is welcome here.  This inner room aligns with my values so well, I don’t have to worry about quickly shuffling things around if someone comes to this door. 

My professional-self room is also in great order.  Everything is in its place, and everything has a place.  My filing system is in order, and I know my deadlines.  My projects are clearly labeled. This is a part of my inner world I am proud of.   In this room I am well-dressed, professional, and welcoming. My confidence is high here. 

But there are other inner rooms in this mansion that makes up my whole self.  I open the doors to these rooms easily, but not often.  One of these would be my adventuresome room.  As I write this, I find myself exploring this room and I recognize I’ve been visiting this room more and more in the past few years.  I’ve been fortunate to have had adventures come my way, and more fortunate to have said yes to them. 

I also have a room that houses my outrageous self.  This room has a door that sometimes sticks.  Yet when I manage to swing it open and fully step inside, I find it filled with musical instruments, a dance floor, and art from my travels.  This room has huge windows opening to the wide outdoors, inviting me to a place where I can run and bike and hike.  Ben and Andy love this room.  In this room, Ben and I can swim, even at the end of October.  Tucked in the back of the closet here, I not only have my ‘play’ clothes, but I have glamorous clothing; clothing I almost don’t think I can pull off wearing, and yet here it is. 

I must steel myself to open the door to a few of the rooms of my inner self.  My inner room of bravery holds promise for me, and yet it’s kind of a double-edged sword.  I know being brave will bring me unknown priceless treasures.  At the same time, I must be brave just to enter this room.

There is one other small room I haven’t really considered exploring yet, but I think it is time.  This is my ok-self room.  It’s the room where I let go of other people’s expectations of me, and make the decision it is fine to be ok with myself, just how I am.  It’s possible this one is a little hidden room at the back of my brave room. 

I enjoy this kind of Fall house cleaning; the kind where I wander through my inner house and look with fresh eyes at what is there.   I can see what things I’d be better off without.  I can identify which things have passed their ‘expiry date’ and no longer serve me well.  I can see some spots where there is room to add something new.  The windows here too, need a good cleaning so I can clearly see what is possible when I access all parts of myself. 

I’m giving myself permission to wait a few weeks to tackle the physical part of my Fall house cleaning.  But I’m committed to spending time cleaning out that other house of mine – the inner one.  The one with some rooms filled with threadbare furniture, overused and far too comfortable.  And with other rooms containing unused treasure and invaluable opportunities. 

My plan is to eventually open up my whole house and let all parts of it gleam and shine.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘What inner room holds treasure for me?’
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Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching.  She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society.   She works with corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching.  She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups. She has particular expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations. Contact Elizabeth to learn about some wonderfully practical house cleaning tools.
 
 
 
 
Appetite, longing , desire ,hankering