Often when I am driving in between workshops and meetings and client appointments, I have the radio on in the car.  Last week when I was driving I heard a little teaser about an upcoming story, “Do you wonder what gives people the greatest satisfaction in their job?  Tune in in five minutes to find out.  The answer may surprise you”.  Of course, that piqued my interest and I spent a few of the next minutes wondering if it was salary, or perhaps if it was the leader of the organization or maybe it was flexible hours that made people happy at work. 

According to this study, it turns out the best predictor of happiness at work is pride in the organization.  My thoughts automatically started to leaf through the Rolodex of my mind to jobs I have held over the years.  Sure enough, the places I was most happy working, were places where I was proud of the work that not only I was doing, but that the whole organization was doing.  And when I thought about times that I have been less satisfied in my work, I could also remember that it was in those times that I had not felt that our group was living up to a standard that made me most proud. 

If you regularly read my blog, you’ll understand that my mind doesn’t seem to be satisfied with just thinking about something like this without taking my thoughts a few steps further.  I could easily think about how this happiness study could be true for the workplace.  It made perfect sense to me that this could be why some people have very low paying jobs and yet do not even consider leaving.  They often say things like, I know it doesn’t pay well but I just love the work we do.  I’m guessing that the words ‘I just love’ could be replaced with ‘I’m so proud’.

But I wondered about whether this same idea might be applicable to relationships.  Are the relationships that we are most happy with, the ones that we are most proud of?  When people say that they love a friendship they have with someone, could it be that they feel a sense of pride about some part of that friendship?  Or that they are proud of what they do with that person, or that they are proud of who they are being when they are with that person.  There are certain people who just make us feel good when we are with them.   It could be that the ‘good’ we are feeling is pride in ourselves.  It could be that this person sees the good in us and that translates into pride.  I’m guessing that we would be willing to do a lot to maintain such a relationship; we would be as faithful to this relationship as we are to an organization we are proud to work for. 

I know that I have many relationships that I am proud of.  I am proud to have life long friends.  I am proud of my relationship with Jim. I am proud of my relationship with my children and of the newer relationships I have with their spouses.  I am proud of my relationships with my siblings.  And each of these makes me happy.

But what about the other relationship in my life; that relationship I have with myself.  I am thinking that if this study is true and if it can be extrapolated to include relationships other than that which we have with our workplace and other people, then pride in our selves might be an indicator of happiness with ourselves.  Yikes!  That’s deep!

I am thinking of times when I am happy with myself and when I am not so happy with myself.  I notice that this is different than simply feeling generally happy.  When I think of times I am happy with myself, I can certainly link pride to them.  It might be such a simple thing – like being proud that I got a job done early in the day so that I had the rest of the day free.  Or it could be being proud that I did not let my emotions get the better of me in a difficult situation.   I am definitely happy with myself at times like this.  

The takeaway for me is being newly aware that if I find myself feeling unhappy with myself, perhaps I need to consider what I have been feeling proud of or not so proud of lately.  If I really want to step into taking charge of my life, I might even be more forward thinking:  What can I do today that I will be proud of by tonight?  If I could manage that every day, I’d be willing to bet there would be a lot of happy feelings.   I also suspect that the things I might choose to be proud of would not even need to be monumental.  They might be as simple as making a phone call, letting someone else ‘win’ in traffic, asking a clerk how their day is, going for a walk, eating well….
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My inquiry for you this week is “How can this become something you are proud of?”
 

This week, amid all the daily crises that seemed to flow with great ease across the border from the Excited States of America, an incredible news story in Canada barely made the headlines.
 
The story is about the Grassy Narrows Nation, in Ontario, who currently have ninety percent of their population presenting with mercury poisoning.  Ninety percent!   It has finally been acknowledged, after almost 40 years, that drums containing salt and mercury were buried upstream of this First Nation, and that the mercury seeped out of those drums into the river water and into the drinking water of this community.  This group has been begging for an investigation into what was causing all their health concerns for years.  It has been revealed that one of the people involved with the burying of the material told officials many years ago, what had been done.  However, that person’s story was dismissed and never investigated until now.

In my coaching, I often use the analogy of a river or stream to talk about life.  Sometimes the context may be to examine where we are in the river of our life.  For instance, we may be in the rapids.  If so, the coaching helps uncover ways to either navigate the rapids or how to get closer to the calm waters near shore.  Sometimes it is exciting to be in the rapids of life and we want to live there for a while.  Other times we figure out ways in our day to get closer to the shore, where things are calmer and the water is easier to navigate.

After reading the articles about the situation at Grassy Narrows and the devastating, lingering effects of the mercury, I began to think about each of us and how we are subject to contamination from those upstream from us.  When I realized that everyone in my circle of influence can be considered upstream from me I felt overwhelmed to realize that I could be impacted by almost any one at any time.  I’m picturing trying to find a place to stake out for my ‘safe home’ where I can be sure that no one upstream can hurt me.  Clearly this is impossible.  What is possible however, is to situate myself so that as few toxic people as possible are upstream from me.  Even this is very difficult.  We interact with so many people in our lives, that the odds are great that some of them will dump their toxicity in our river.  In addition, it can get exhausting to always be on the look out for people upstream who may not have our best interests at heart.  So, my next effort at fortification is to learn to make sure I create a place to live that is strong enough to protect me from contaminants coming down my river of life.  The best way to do this is to have a clear understanding of my values and of my worth, so that I learn to build a life that is based on my values and that is not simply a reaction to what others may think of me.

As I thought about this, I realized that it was easy to identify people who live upstream from me.  It is easy to point the finger at the people making my life difficult.   What isn’t so easy for me to accept is that there are many people living downstream from me, and each of them is impacted by what I choose to toss into the river that will pass through their lives.  If I am being truthful, I need to acknowledge that I have the ability to affect the water quality of all those living downstream from me.  This makes me think twice about my comments and my reactions, about my interactions and my intentions.

In reading the story about Grassy Narrows, what strikes me deeply this week is the lasting effect that can be felt from those upstream.  I’m guessing that the barrels of salt and mercury were buried in a few days.  Their effects are still being felt over forty years later.  And the effects being felt are not faded memories; these are current, day to day health battles. 
I hope I can be mindful enough to only put into the river, words and actions and interactions that are life giving so that those downstream from me will be happy that I am their upstream neighbour.  I hope I am thoughtful enough to recognize that things I may have deposited in the river years ago may still be having lingering effects and to make amends for them.   And I hope that I have the chance, the chance that the people of the Grassy Narrows Nation never had, to let the toxic waste that is deposited into the river upstream from me to simply flow on by. 

My inquiry for you this week is, “What am I depositing?” 
 

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, the stores are filled with romantic cards and heart shaped boxes of chocolates, the television advertises restaurants and weekend getaways, and the stress levels of many men and women are starting to rise.  What pressure we put on ourselves as a society!

I must admit, I’m not much of a romantic.  I will confess to having romantic notions about becoming incredibly successful, and achieving some amazing physical feat, but in terms of flowers and candle lit dinners, they aren’t my thing.  Chocolate of course has nothing to do with romance for me – it’s simply a food group that I indulge in daily.

So when it comes time for days like Valentine’s Day, I don’t know if that makes me easy to have as a partner or not.  I certainly don’t sit around waiting for someone else to prove that I am love-worthy.  And I have never mistaken the size of someone else’s love by the size of the gift they have given me.  I have received an abundance of love in my life that did not come wrapped in a bow, or with a large price tag attached.

Despite my lack of romantic nature, I have always been interested in observing how other people mark the occasion of Valentine’s Day.  I know that there are some people who have very different expectations than mine.  I suppose if I were to choose a perfect way to celebrate this upcoming day of love, I would choose to spend time in nature.  I would choose somewhere beautiful; somewhere that gives me a feeling of peace.  A feeling of peace for me feels an awfully lot like love.  Spending it with someone I love makes it even better.

As I was preparing to write this blog, I was thinking back over this year and thinking about my favourite times that I was ‘in love’.  I thought of the bike trip I took with my brother.  Four days of complete love.  Not that we were not working hard and sore, and sometimes lost – but the feeling of doing the trip was complete love.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 
Driving across the country with Jim, and stopping at Notre Dame to run, even though it was out of our way, gave me a feeling of complete love.  Part of this was Jim’s easy nature about readily going along with things and helping to make it happen, part of it was the running itself, part of it was sharing it with Jim, and then sharing the story with our kids.

Spending a few days with my siblings right after Kaitlyn’s wedding was even bigger than love.  It was heart- filling in the very best way.  I felt incredible love as Jim played the guitar and we sang song after song from our childhood.

Watching both of our children marry people who accept them exactly as they are was love.  So was standing with the parents of our new son and daughter-in-law, each of us knowing that our child is in safe hands with the child of the other.  There was no better love to be found on those days.

Going to the funeral of the father of my very good friend, and feeling and hearing her proudly state her gentle love for a father who was not always either present, or easy to love, was an inspirational example of love.

I have many, many more small and large examples of love from this past year.  I have noticed that love appears in my life in three ways.  It appears as doing, as feeling and as being.  When I am giving to others I am doing love.  When I am with others who bring me peace, or participating in or watching an activity that brings me peace, I am feeling love.  When I stand beside someone who needs me, or listen with empathy or walk beside someone who is struggling, I am being love
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This Valentine’s Day, I invite you choose to give the type of love that serves you best; doing, feeling or being.  No matter which of these you choose, may you also find a place to receive with gratitude any love that happens to come your way.  It does not always appear as we hope, but it is often there when we take time to look.  That’s amore.
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Please contact me for any coaching, group coaching, workshop creation and facilitation you might need!

My friend Coralie has been celebrating the milestones in her granddaughter, Brooklynn’s first year of life.  Not very many weeks ago, Brooklynn took her first steps.  I have been thinking that although this is an incredible milestone in the development of a child, it is one that we simply take for granted.  Even children who are timid, eventually take their brave first step.  Often, they fall, try again, fall and try again. And then they get their footing and they take another step, and another.  I’ve been laughing to myself, thinking that if adults had to learn to walk, we would likely find a good many of us rolling around our homes and streets, simply too afraid to stand up, balance and take the first step. 

We might think that once we take the first step we can never go back.  We can never un-know what we learn by taking our first step.  We might also think that our life is better without the risk of that first step. Or that a first step might be really hard.  Or that we must give up too much in the taking of it to make it worth the risk.  Or that someone else will do it better than we can.  Or that someone will laugh at us.  Or criticize us.  There are as many reasons not to take first steps as there are stars in the sky.

This week, I’ve had the chance to hear about a particularly brave first step, taken by someone who I greatly admire.  I first met Mark a long time ago; perhaps even 25 years ago.  He was once one of my students.   Since then, he has gone on to marry a supportive woman, have a family and a very successful career.  He and I have kept in touch.  I knew that Mark was following my blog from Toronto.  Every once in a while he would send a little note telling me that he had read it and that it had resonated with him.

Two weeks ago, when I wrote about my plans to see as much of Canada as I can during this Canada 150 year, Mark sent a note telling me to add the Invictus Games to the list. The Invictus games were created by Britain’s Prince Harry.  The Invictus Games use the power of sport to inspire recovery, support rehabilitation and generate a wider understanding and respect for wounded, injured and sick Servicemen and women.  Mark currently works for this incredible organization and who are busy organizing the games for Toronto, in September.  I sent a quick response telling him that I might have to put the games on my list!

Then on Tuesday evening, after reading last week’s blog, ‘How Much Can You Lift?’ Mark sent me the following email.  I have asked him if I can share it with you:

How much can I lift?  Great question and this year I am on the path to finding out.
 
Heaving lifting for me, first and foremost, has begun by dealing with the layers of problem avoidance that have piled up over time.  I connected with a friend in Decemberhttp://www.caelaberry.com/ (blog posts Nov 23rd and Dec 6th, were particularly impactful) whose courage inspired me to make positive change in my life.  Alcohol - I'm done for good - Day 31 - and I attended my first AA meeting last night.  Mental Health - I had the fortunate opportunity to meet and spend time with Bell "Let's Talk" Ambassadors including Clara Hughes (as genuine in person as she comes across in the media) as our Invictus Captain from Orlando Bruno Guevremont was one of the spokespersons this year.  This got me to thinking.  I work for an organization where one of our primary missions is spreading awareness about mental health issues, we have these amazing, courageous leaders like Clara and Bruno, yet no one in our office or really any place I have worked before has been open about their struggles with mental health.  I decided that it was time for me to break this silence in a workplace environment.  Last Friday, during our monthly town hall, I shared my 18 year struggle with mental illness and how mental illness has affected my family in so many ways.  Though it was a bit scary getting up and doing this, the response from colleagues that were touched and shared with me their stories made it an incredibly rewarding experience.
 
As you said, when you set your mind to something, opportunities just seem to arise.  I have been approached by management to speak to one of our stakeholder groups.  In April, I will be heading over to France with Education First, 9,000 Canadian high school students and some of our Invictus alumni for the commemoration of the 100th anniversary of Vimy Ridge.  
 
Your blog posts have particularly resonated with me of late as I'm in the process of some heavy lifting and many of the positive outcomes will take shape in the celebration of this great country's birthday.  Thanks for writing and sharing your wisdom, I know you are helping people immensely by doing this.  Howie Mandel said it very well this month, "Words and talking are the cure to all that ails this world".  
 
Mark    
 
I was very humbled.  My response to Mark was:
 
This has brought tears to my eyes.  Well done, my friend.  After your note this week, mentioning, ‘maybe add the Invictus Games to your list for Canada 150’ I was talking to Jim and telling him that you had emailed.  I told him that I really am trying to think of a way to go.  Then, tonight, this arrived.
My immediate response to you is that I hope you are acknowledging yourself for your courage.  You have joined an organization that is all about courage, and you are now walking the talk.  This is so easy to say and so, so difficult to do.  I commend you.  You are brave.  And you have no idea who you have already impacted, nor do you have any idea who you have yet to impact.  You may never know all of them, but I can assure you, they will not forget you. 
Thank you so much for sharing this with me Mark.
 
Elizabeth
 
I have mentioned in my blog previously, that sometimes all we need to do is take the first step.  And when we do, doors open that we could never have foreseen.

I challenge you this week to take a first step.  Take a baby step or take a giant step.  I have quoted John Burroughs before and it seems fitting to do so again, ‘Leap and the net will appear.’

Take a minute to encourage someone you know who is taking steps of their own.  Just like I know Brooklynn’s parents did for her, it is great to have outstretched encouraging arms to walk toward!

Have a great week!

For my brave step, I am inviting you to pass my name on to anyone who might be in the market for my services.  Not only do I provide one-on-one coaching, I offer group coaching (perhaps a small group of friends or business associates), workshop facilitation and creation, as well as planning and facilitation of meetings for businesses and groups (team building, communication, strategic planning & leadership).  Click here to read testimonials.