On our Canada 150 tour, it just so happened that my high school, Dundas District High School, was having a reunion this year.  A forty-year reunion.  WHAT???!!!!  How is this possible?

I have not seen most of my high school friends since…. well, high school.  It’s hard to imagine in this day and age, but when I graduated, I went off to university, then got married and then moved west to Alberta.  This was in the days before Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and even email.  I recall spending time on Sunday afternoons writing letters to my parents.  It would have been unheard of to call a friend.   Long distance?!  I think not!

So, when I heard about the reunion, and that we could make it fit into our plans for our trip by scheduling one extra stop, I began to get very excited.  I loved my high school days.  I went to what I thought was a great school, I had great teachers and even greater friends.  High school felt like a place of belonging for me. I could be involved in things I loved (think math club and student council) and it was there that I found out that University could be a possibility for me, even though no one in my family had ever gone.

As the weeks to the reunion approached I began to try to remember people’s names.  I resurrected old yearbooks chatted to my friend Jane recalling old memories.  We could think of funny events that had happened to people and we would howl in laughter.  I connected via Facebook to former classmates and looked with trepidation at their pictures – wondering if I would recognize them.  Perhaps more honestly, I wondered if they might still know me.  It turns out, many of them do.  And that got me to thinking about the idea of legacy.

Each of these people who were part of my life, each of these people who were part of a narrative that I think about now, had a part to play in my life.  In some small way, they shaped me.  And even though I have not thought about them for years, they did have an impact on my life.

This has been a sobering thought for me.  If each of these people has had an impact on me, then I must examine the possibility that I too, have had some impact on them.  And on every other person that I have had an interaction with in my life.  This, is called Legacy. 

I used to think about legacy as kind of a nostalgic look back on life and a noticing of the good things we brought to this earth.  If you read about someone who has died you will often read that they left a great legacy.  And then their accomplishments and achievements are written.   Having attended this reunion these past two days, I have changed my idea about legacy. 

I now believe that every single interaction I have had, every single effort I have given, every single accomplishment and failure I have managed are part of my legacy.  I cannot pretend that my legacy is only the ‘softened’ view I have of the good things I have done.  I recognize that I have not been perfect.  I hope that I was kind to people in high school – I know that however I was, is part of my legacy.  I hope that when I was given chances to be brave that I took them more often than I did not, for this too is part of my legacy.  I hope that I have uttered more words of kindness and of encouragement than of criticism and doom.  I hope I have stood up for others when they could not stand up for themselves.  I hope I followed my dreams.  These are all parts of legacy.

As I move into the next forty years of my life, I will have a chance to create more of my legacy.  The more times I choose to be brave, kind, thoughtful, inclusive, interesting, adventuresome, loving and accomplished will tip the balance of my legacy to the better.  The good thing is that it is not too late to change the legacy we wish to leave.

I had such fun seeing old friends, anew.  I am more grateful than ever for the gifts they gave me – even though, at the time, they likely had no idea they were impacting my life. That’s the way it is with legacy.  You create it while you are busy living. 

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘What legacy am I creating?’
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Learn more about taking control of your legacy.  Book a coaching session for you, for your workplace or for a group of friends.  

I come from a large family and when we were growing up, it often worked out that we each had to take turns at things.  We took turns doing dishes, turns setting the table, turns doing housework and farm chores.   I recall times playing with friends, when turns were also important.  I remember skipping at recess and creating a system where everyone had a turn to be the jumper and everyone had their turn at being a turner too.  It was the same when the neighbourhood kids gathered to play kick the can or later, baseball.  We each knew that we would get our turn at bat and we knew that it was really important that when we did get our turn, that we do our best.

When our kids were little, they LOVED to play ‘Calgary Stampede Rodeo’ with Jim.  He would sit on the edge of a chair and place one of them, wearing their cowboy hat, facing him on one of his knees.  Then they were to put their left arm in the air, and when they were ready they would give him the nod.  His knee would bounce up and down and they would try to keep their balance and not get bucked off!  Inevitably I would hear the cries of, “Now it’s my turn!” as the other finished their turn.  They just loved the fun of showing off their very best rodeo skills.

Recently I had a chance to think about the idea of taking turns in a whole new way.  Jim was visiting Dave, his very good friend, from high school.  Dave’s father was very ill and had been in the hospital for some time.  Dave asked Jim if he would come to the hospital with him to visit his dad.  He said that it would mean a lot to his dad.  Jim hadn’t seen Dave’s dad in quite a few years, but he was grateful for the opportunity, even though he had been warned that Dave’s dad was not doing well.

Jim had a wonderful visit with both Dave’s dad and mom.  During the conversation of the visit, Jim asked Dave’s dad how he was doing.  Dave’s dad is a quiet spoken fruit farmer and his simple response was, “Well, we each get one turn at this, and I guess this is just my turn.”

What a profound thought. 

I’ve thought of this sentence so many times since that visit.   Simply taken in the context of the situation he found himself in, Dave’s dad was clearly giving thought to who he wanted to be, as he went through this part of his journey.  I couldn’t help but think about how this simple idea can also be applied to so many things in our everyday lives. 

So often, we travel through our lives, day upon day, going through motions and not really stopping to think about what we are doing or who we are becoming.  I was thinking about my life and thinking how different it might be if I thought about using this idea as I was going about my living.  What if I started to think about turns the same way our kids had thought about them when they played ‘Rodeo’; that is, that I wanted to make sure that during my turn, I was putting forth my very best.  That I showed pride in my effort.

When I think about this in the big picture it is easy.  Of course, someday I want to be able to look back at my life and think that I made the most out of my turn here on earth.  When I just play the highlights reel in my memory, it is easy to give myself a passing grade on this one.  But when I start to zoom in on seasons, on months, on weeks, on days, on mornings, on drives, on conversations, I wonder if I have always honoured the fact that I was making the most of my turn.

I wonder what it would be like if I started to make the most out of every turn I get; or at least if I start to acknowledge that I am having a turn and that I get to choose how to use it.  When I visit with my daughter or son, what if I appreciate that I get to have a turn at this and I want to make the most of it.  When I make a dinner, what if I remind myself that this is my turn to make it as nice as I can – this does not need to involve hours; simply a mindset of making sure I use my turn well.  When I drive to my next destination, what if I notice that this is my turn to take note of the sights and sounds along the way, or to have quiet time to myself, or to sing along or to visit with whomever I am driving with.  The doing doesn’t really matter; it is more the idea that each of these things is a chance to take a turn, and just like Dave’s dad was doing, trying to make the most out of the turns we are given.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘What am I doing with my turn?’
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Learn more about the power of consciously thinking about how your are using your turns by booking a coaching session for you or for a group of friends.  If you haven’t done so, check out my coaching video and my group coaching video and contact me to help you get started.  Time to turn your life around!
 

As you know, I am a very proud Canadian.  I LOVE Canada.  This year, as we celebrate Canada 150, I mentioned, out loud, that it would be a wonderful adventure to try to celebrate Canada’s 150th Birthday by seeing as many Canadian sights as we could. 

I should stop being surprised by the fact that once I say something, forces seem to be put into place for things to happen.   And so, this week, I am not surprised that Jim and I have found ourselves in our Eastern most province, Newfoundland.  I have never been here before and my big dream was to come at a time of year when we might be able to see icebergs. I have not been disappointed! 

About a month before our trip, I saw a picture of a mammoth iceberg stuck off the coast in the Atlantic.  People came from kilometres around to take photos.  I had my fingers crossed that we would be given the gift of seeing such a thing of beauty.  We might not have seen the largest iceberg on record, but even seeing one – in real life – was enough to still my world, and bring tears to my eyes.  What an incredible sight.

There is something about all nature that seems to calm me. I feel most relaxed and ‘in the moment’ when I am outside, away from the hustle and bustle and just breathing in fresh air.  Standing at the shore, watching an iceberg, brings it to a whole new level.

I have read that an iceberg reveals only about ten percent of itself above the water line.  The other ninety percent is hidden beneath the water. I guess it has to do with physics and melting and such.  No matter – it’s kind of amazing to think about.  I also found out that icebergs can get stuck.  They are propelled along by winds and currents, but every once in a while, they get stuck on things in the water.

As I watched them from shore, I was struck by the fact that we are not much different than icebergs.  We too, often don’t show our whole greatness ‘above water’.  We often hide many parts of ourselves below the surface.  These are the bits that we may believe are not flattering to us.  These may be the bits that we are afraid to share for fear that we will be judged. These may be bits that we learned to put away many years ago, and now it has simply become a habit.  These may be bits that we do not like about ourselves and it is easier to hide them than acknowledge them.

The thing that stuck me thought, was that it doesn’t seem to be the visible part of the iceberg that gets it in trouble.  The visible part just floats along posing for beautiful photographs.  When the light is just right, it can seem even more perfect.  The part that gets the iceberg in trouble, is the part beneath the water; the part that is hidden.  This is the part that gets stuck on things, this is the part that prevents the iceberg from moving forward in it’s life journey.  Hmmm. 

In our lives too, these parts that we keep hidden are also the parts that tend to get us in trouble.  These are the parts that keep us stuck; that keep us from being brave enough to move forward into the life that we know we can have.  For example, if we know that we may have a sensitivity to or a fear of having things be out of our control, then the part of ourselves that we show to the world is that of someone who is in great control.  We hide our insecurity.   We hide our fear.  We hide away from opportunities that might cause us to not be in control.  And in doing all of this hiding, we make it really hard for other people to know us and to accept us.  We already ‘know’ that they won’t like this part of us, and we live by that ‘knowledge’.  We never give them the chance to accept the real us, because we are not sending an honest message.

My good friend Graham once said, ‘Let people see your weaknesses too.  They’ll like you more.’  He was not being mean.  At all.  He was being completely wise and truthful.  It might have also been good for him to say, ‘Let people see your greatness too.’  I can think of many times when I have watched a talent show or a YouTube video and seen someone sing and shock an entire audience.  No one knew they had this voice living inside them.  On the surface, they seemed to be a pretty quiet and unremarkable person.  How could we have known about their talent if they had never given us a sign?  Or perhaps they had given us a sign, but we had such a strong notion about what made that person up, that we couldn’t even imagine that singing beautifully was part of the narrative.

I was imagining what it would be like if I could see the WHOLE iceberg.   Not just the ten percent.  I think it might reveal more beauty than I could imagine.  It would be breathtaking.  I would be even more captivated.
In my life, I am trying to do two things better:

• I am trying to show more of myself.  I hope that by doing this I will inspire bravery.  And, I hope that by showing more of myself above the surface that I will leave less below to get caught up on stuff that holds me back.
• I am trying to see more of others.  I am trying to look below the surface and see what gifts and talents they have that I have not allowed myself to notice.  I hope I can provide a safe place for them to bring them out into the open.

May you too, find the space you need to become your full, captivating self.

My inquiry for you this week is, “What part of myself do I need to reveal?”
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Book a coaching session for you, for your workplace or for a group of friends to learn how to bring your whole self to your life!

Jim and I attended a memorial for a friend of ours this past week.  Sadly, this is not new territory for us.   Often, when we come home from one of these events one of us will say to the other, ‘Are we having fun yet?’  Our meaning is not that we should have had fun at the event, but rather it’s a lighthearted attempt to remind us how quickly life moves and how it can turn on a dime.  We remind ourselves that if we are not having fun yet, we’d better get busy!

We also use this same expression when we get into a frustrating situation, like sitting in traffic when we are trying to get somewhere, or going store to store not finding the very thing we need.  ‘Are we having fun yet’ has prevented many potential “discussions” in our relationship!

Our son-in-law, Matt, met our nephew, Noah, for the first time about a year ago.  We all went out to have brunch together.  Matt said that he was anticipating they would talk about the regular things; where are you from, what do you do, what about those Flame.  But instead, early in the conversation Noah inserted the unsuspecting question, “What do you do for fun?”  As Matt later said, “He sure stumped me!” That of course got us laughing and talking about how we all better start doing some fun things so that we have something to contribute to these kinds of conversations.

When taking stock of our satisfaction with our lives we often measure our satisfaction with things like our career, our relationships, our finances or our fitness.  One segment often overlooked, or completely ignored is our satisfaction with the amount of fun we have in our lives.

When I was growing up, the rule was that we were to do the work first and save the fun for when the work was done.  Somehow the idea of fun began to get tangled up with frivolity or even time wasting.  I am so grateful that I have learned to separate out these very distinct ideas.  My more current belief is that fun is not only legal, but it is an important part of life satisfaction.  If we are going to rank parts of our life like relationships and finance, then it is only fair that we designate and equal portion of the pie of life pie to fun.

For me, I often link joy and fun.  When I am engaged in something I really enjoy, I would say that I am having fun.  Having just written that, I can also bring joy to tasks I don’t love, thus infusing them with fun.

One of my friends, Sheri, doesn’t love housework BUT she does like a clean house.  Every Saturday morning, she gets her cleaning supplies assembled, puts on her headset, cranks up the music, and sings her heart out for three hours while she cleans.  She chooses to create this time to be a time of fun.

I know two sisters who happen to also be good friends to each other.  They are very close and do a lot together.  Sometimes the chores and activities they need to do are not fun.  Their strategy, when they find themselves in one of these situations, is to play ‘Amazing Race’.  Every obstacle is simply a ‘detour’ and their mission is to win the leg of the race.  A high five ends the adventure!   What fun!

Last weekend I joined my brother on a training ride for his upcoming bike race.  He will be competing in the TransAmerica Bike Race, biking across ten states from Oregon on the Pacific Atlantic Ocean to Virginial on the Atlantic.  His goal is to do about 300km per day with little breaks for naps!  Our training ride was part of his taper, so we ‘only’ went 105km, including biking up the Highwood Pass in the Rocky Mountains.  We ride very well together. Sometimes we visit, often we are quiet.  We usually stop a couple of times and I remind him to take a picture – and we laugh at each other because we really both just want to get done!  The mountain climb is not fun.  The distance is not fun.  But the day, the feeling, the chance to be with my brother and to be even a teeny part of his adventure – now that is my kind of fun!

I am grateful that Jim and I have developed a habit of asking, ‘Are we having fun yet?’  If we aren’t it is always just a quick adjustment to make sure we add some to the day.

This is always a busy time of year.  As you travel through this next week, think about the mini ways you can add fun to the routine of your life.
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My inquiry for you this week is ‘Are we having fun yet?’