I had to have a good laugh at myself this week.  Last week I wrote the blog Spring Cleaning, and in it described how we sometimes not only need to clean out our closets and get rid of clothing that no longer serves us well, but we should also take a look at spring cleaning our lives and take a look at what habits and stories need to be purged.  I laughed at myself because I recognized that I need to apply my teaching to my own life.

On Saturday, I went for my morning run.  Since it was chilly when I started out, I donned my trusty yellow running jacket, featured in my blog’s picture last week.  Apparently 1998 was a good year for yellow running jackets.  I know this since I could find old pictures of myself wearing this exact jacket as far back as that.  As I ran along the beautiful pathways in the provincial park near our home, many runners passed me, all wearing sleek, lightweight running jackets.  As each kilometre passed, they seemed to look lighter and I felt heavier.  I determined that it was time to find myself some new running clothes.

Tuesday morning arrived, and along with it sunshine and a calling to hit the pathways again.  I reached for my yellow jacket and then stopped myself.  I had promised myself that I would not wear this jacket again.  Yet the morning still held a chill and I needed something.  Imagine my delight when I searched through a basement closet and found a running jacket I had forgotten all about.  Apparently, about six years ago I had made the decision to get a new jacket (no doubt the yellow one was feeling outdated) and I had purchased a new one while in Australia visiting our daughter.  I can only recall wearing it once.  So, on Tuesday I zipped it up and off I ran.

This time I fit right in with the slick looking runners in my form fitting jacket.  The good news was that I looked the part; the bad news was that clearly this jacket was on sale because of it’s lack of breathability.  By the end of my run I felt like I was in a sauna.  Perhaps this was why I had only worn it once before!

All of this time spent running gave me time to think about not only the silliness of these jackets but also about what they represent in terms of making change in our lives.

Often, we read an article, or blog, or hear a TED talk, or listen to an inspirational speaker and we nod right along with their message.  Sometimes we will go so far as to share our thoughts about their message with someone else.  We can relate to their message and we see how their ideas fit with our lives and with our personal challenges or struggles.  What we fail to do is to apply what we are learning.  It is only by applying what we learn that we create the results we want.

When I think of the word apply, I think of applying makeup, applying the brakes in the car or applying for a job.  When a company applies a certain practice of safety they show a commitment or a certain standard of care.   In these cases, the word apply, implies that we repeat the behaviour over and over as required to achieve the result we desire.  When we fail to repeatedly apply a tool that could help us make a positive change in our life, we choose to not make change.

Many people mention that they don’t seem to have the self-discipline to make changes; even changes that they really want.  Often it is not self-discipline that is needed.  Sometimes all that is needed is for us to put a structure into place that gives us the best chance of success.

When I was teaching school, I was running about 5 or 6 times per week.  I knew that if I left my run until the end of the day, more often than not, I found a reason to skip it.  The morning was the one time when no one else seemed to have control over my time.  Yet it was so hard to motivate myself to get up and out the door.   I developed a structure that worked for me.  The night before, I would assemble my running gear, including my yellow jacket.  My running shirt and tights and watch were in the bedroom ready for me as soon as my feet hit the floor.  My shoes and coat and headlamp were by the front door, along with gloves and a toque on a cold winter day.  I had only one story I told myself when the alarm went off.  It went like this:  You don’t have to go for a run.  Just get up and get dressed and go out the door. If then you don’t feel like going, you can come back. 

I never once came back in without running.

I knew that this story was just one I had made up.  I knew that no one else cared if I ran or not.  And yet, this little structure, this little routine, helped me to have success.  By applying the structure regularly, I was able to achieve my goal.
When working with clients I often invite them to create or imagine a structure they can use to apply what they have learned.  Sometimes the structure is something physical, something they wear to remind them of the importance of the change they are seeking.  Sometimes it is a change in routine.  Sometimes it involves them telling someone else about their goal and using that as accountability.  The important thing is not the structure itself, but rather the application of the structure to help them manifest the desired outcome.

Last week I asked you as your inquiry when thinking about something you might want to ‘spring clean’, ‘Do I like this? Do I wear it well? Does it still fit me? Does it flatter me? Do I want it for another season?’  When I look at my yellow jacket, I have to admit the following.  I don’t love it but I love the memories it holds.  I do wear it well.  It doesn’t really fit me but it’s become very comfortable.  It does not flatter me. Not only that, when I wear this jacket, I feel like I need to run as often and as far and as fast as I used to.  For that reason, it does not suit me in this season of my life.

My mission this week is to apply my knowledge about spring cleaning to myself.  It’s time to find myself a new running jacket.  I want to find one that will serve me as well as my trusty yellow jacket but that will be more suited to running in this new season of my life.  I want one that will be able to hold all the new memories I hope to make while wearing it. 

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘What structure could be used to help you achieve the change you are seeking?’
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Elizabeth is a life and leadership coach in Calgary, AB.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups and she creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.   Contact Elizabeth to find out how you or your organization can use structures to help you achieve your goals.
 

Last weekend I continued on my quest to find some order in the world. 

Each spring I find myself returning to a childhood ritual of doing some spring cleaning.  At quite young ages my mother trained all of my siblings and me in this yearly practice of washing walls, stripping hardwood floors and even polishing silver!  These days, I don’t wash the walls or strip any floors and we don’t own silver, but I do like to wash my blinds and baseboards, sort through my kitchen cabinets and finally attack my clothes closets to get ready for Spring just in case she decides to knock on our door this year.

It didn’t slip past me that I while I do this every spring, I noticed that this past week, the ritual of cleaning, of making order, helped me as our country continued to grieve with the families affected by the Humboldt Bronco’s tragedy.  Somehow, I find that finding order in my own little world helps me feel in control.  Rationally, there is no sense to my actions, but it makes me feel better.

Although normally, when facing more than one task, I do the hardest one first and work my way to the easy jobs, this year I found I did the mindless jobs first and I’ve left the cleaning of my clothes closet for last.  Even I know that I must look like a lunatic as I go through the following routine:

I slide the hangars all to one side and then begin by moving each to the opposite side, one by one.  As I move the hanger, the theory is that I will decide if this item is one that a) I like b) I wear c) fits d) looks good on me e) would be good for another season.  If these criteria are met, then the item gets to stay.  If not, again, the theory is that it will be put in a pile for either donation, rags or trash.

The problem is the little voice in my head that often accompanies me into our walk-in closet.  Her chit-chat goes like this.  You paid quite a bit for that, it would be a shame to let it go without getting good use out of it.  Or, it doesn’t look great on you right now, but maybe next year.  Or, you probably should replace that one but don’t do it just yet, not until you have something new.  Or, maybe it looks better on me than I remember.  Or, my favourite, you don’t wear it but it really fits well and you might want it some day (this one is about things I haven’t worn for several seasons!).

Even I can recognize this voice as one that is very similar to that of my saboteur.  She doesn’t like it when I try to make change in big areas of my life and apparently, she isn’t fond of letting go of black sweaters either.

The process of spring cleaning my closet isn’t yet complete but it has made me think about what other areas of our lives need a spring cleaning. If we could push every activity, story, habit and relationship to one side of the room and then move them slowly into the middle for an examination, what might we discover?

I’m guessing that we each have some old stories that no longer serve us well.  These might be simple stories, stories that are so familiar to us that we don’t even think about them as stories.  We believe them to be the truth.  I remember when our children were still at home and I was working, that when my colleagues would invite me to join them for some socializing after work, that I would easily thank them but decline; I wanted to be home with my family.   This was a truthful story, and it served me well when I had children at home.  However, one Friday long after both kids were away at university, this same invitation was casually extended and to no one’s surprise, I declined.  Then I found myself driving home, to an empty house suddenly wondering, ‘Why am I continuing to say no?’  No one is expecting me to be home. 

My old story had created a habit in me that had become unconscious. Not only that, by this time my colleagues had a story about me too; I didn’t like to socialize.  My story no longer served me well and their story had no reason to change.  This was one story I could have taken off the hanger and moved to right to the trash pile.

I also have some clothes that I wear far too often.  I love these clothes.  They are comfortable, they fit like a glove, and quite simply, they are just ‘me’.  I reach for them without really thinking about it.  And that is the problem.  These pieces of clothing have become so comfortable that I’m now out of touch with other things that might look far more flattering on me.  This happens in our closet of life too.  We can get so good at practicing one quality that we eventually overdue it.  While it still feels very comfortable to us, others start to see us in this singular way.  For instance, if we practice being the one who will always say yes to the little (or big) extra jobs, we forget that we might have other skills to offer, like being the creative force behind a project.  Eventually others take for granted that this is simply what we do.  Not only have we over-worn this outfit, it begins to be the only one that others recognize us in.  We might be better served by donating this outfit to someone else who could use some practice at wearing it!

I know that I also have some habits that, like my clothes, just do not look or feel good on me.  It’s interesting that I continue to hold on to them as if suddenly, they will begin to serve me well.  If I could let these go, it might make room for new, more productive or helpful habits. 

This week as you travel through your life, take a look at what habits and qualities you need to spring clean.  Do they just need to be put away for another season, or do they need to be donated or trashed altogether?

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘Do I like this? Do I wear it well? Does it still fit me? Does it flatter me? Do I want it for another season?’

Enjoy your Spring Cleaning!
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Elizabeth is a life and leadership coach in Calgary, AB.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups and she creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.   

 

It’s been a long time since I felt like dropping to my knees in prayer.  That’s exactly the sensation I had last Saturday morning when I got up and discovered that the news bite we had heard on Friday night, mentioning a bus crash in Saskatchewan, with suspected injuries and fatalities, was far, far worse than any of us could have imagined. 

I don’t know what I thought God could do.

Throughout this past week I have swayed between needing to know information and not wanting to hear one more detail.  I have cried.  I have felt numb.  I have been in disbelief.  I have tried to imagine what these families, this community of Humboldt, Saskatchewan, and these survivors are going through. I have thought of the driver of the semi-truck that hit the bus.  I have wondered about the families of the boys, the coaches, the reporter and the lone girl, Dayna.  I wondered how they could possibly hold such grief.

I’ve tried to make sense of my own feelings; even that has seemed close to impossible.  I surprised myself when I noticed that one of my feelings seemed to be guilt.  Such an odd thought considering that I have nothing to feel guilty about.  I, nor any member of my family was supposed to be on that bus.  I did nothing to contribute to the accident.  But my guilt stemmed from feeling like I had no right to take up space with my emotions when others were hurting so badly as to be unimaginable. 

Eventually, I’ve concluded that my overriding feeling is one that I have seen displayed over and over again this past week.  It is of course one of grief.  But it is also one of great compassion.  I know I stand with all Canadians, and with many others around the globe when I stand in my compassion; in my feeling of such sorrow combined with my feeling that I need to do something.  And in my helplessness in not knowing what it is that needs doing.

In the midst of all of the sorrow and grief this week, I have also experienced a feeling of pride.  I am so, so proud of the way that Canadians, as a collective, have responded to this tragedy. 

The people involved in this horrific bus crash were all part of the Humboldt Bronco’s Hockey team.  Most were players, several were coaches, one was a reporter.  There was a statistician, a bus driver and a trainer.  They were a team.  They were on their way to a playoff game, something that thousands and thousands of hockey teams do yearly in this country.  This perhaps is why we can all relate with such compassion.  This was such a regular day, with regular people doing a regular activity, that had the accident not occurred, most of us would never even have had a hint that somewhere in Saskatchewan, a team of young men, with dyed blond hair and painted toenails were on the move, heading to an arena where they would play in a sport they loved and that has come to define us as a nation.

Such a regular activity, with such an unimaginable outcome.

In Canada, when ‘our’ team plays, whether it be the tiniest little boys and girls whose helmets tipped forward seem to propel them up the ice, or the ‘big boys’ and ‘big girls’, the famous ones, we don our jerseys, wear our team colours, warm up our voices and cheer them on.  We are unabashedly proud to show our support and pride in whomever it is we like to call ‘our’ team.  We get carried away in our cheering and we love to play the part of armchair coaches.  We all love the sound of the tap, tap, tap of hockey sticks when they are used to cheer on ‘our’ team.

This past week, the Humboldt Broncos became Our Team.  Every one of us is now identifying with them.  Some of us are identifying with them because we play hockey, some because we have a son, some because we come from a small town, some because we are first responders, some because we are teachers, some because we have a sibling or friend or neighbour who is part of the game.  We each have a reason to feel like we are part of Team Humboldt.  I feel like while we may be wearing red and white, Canada’s colours, on the outside, on the inside there is nothing but green and gold.  Every one of us is warming up our voices to cheer them on.  Some of our voices will be quiet in conversation.  Some will be strong in support.  Some will be raised in prayer.   Some will be unheard as the tears overtake us.  Some will speak in remembrance.  Some will speak in encouragement.  Some will speak in grief.  Some will speak in hope.  Some will speak in disbelief.  Some will be forced to speak in a professional capacity, as doctors, nurses, police and paramedics.  All will speak in support and with compassion.

Last Saturday morning I sent a text to my friend Rhonda, telling her I was thinking about her.  Her son, Jake, is a hockey player and I knew this would hit especially close in their home.  Rhonda’s response summed up what I think Canadians are feeling.  “We didn’t know anyone on that bus.  But really we knew all of them.”

I’m still feeling lost.  And numb.  And overwhelmed.  And full of grief and compassion.  I still do not know what to do.   I borrowed a hockey stick from my friend, Derek, because we no longer own any.  Over the next few days as funerals happen and injured players are released from hospitals I hope we can each use our hockey sticks to tap our boys, and girl, home.  For now, it’s on our front porch, in case the boys need it.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘How can I show compassion?’
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Elizabeth is a life and leadership coach in Calgary, AB.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups and she creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.  Elizabeth is a proud Canadian, and a fan of hockey, but more importantly she is a fan of anyone brave enough to be following their dreams.

I stole the idea for this the first part of this title from my friend Chad, who used it on Strava to title yet another one of his recent cold runs.  Good grief, when will this winter end?

I’m hoping that the continued cold weather and snow, that often looks so romantic in early December but that has really lost it’s shine now, will finally leave us but until then I’ve been thinking that we could all use a boost of energy.  The kind that we usually get from waking up to sunshine, the sound of birds singing and the hope of some warmth. 

It seems crazy but I’ve been noticing that things that usually seem easy to me have recently been feeling burdensome.  I can’t quite muster up the energy to feel inspired.  Luckily for me, I sometimes get the chance to be with other people who remind me about things I already know but have tucked away.

This week I had an incredible day working with the School Board Trustees from Foothills School Division, in High River.  This group has been relatively newly elected and each of them is serving their first term as trustee.  This is not a ‘normal’ situation.  ‘Normally’ there are a few returning trustees and a few new faces.  When this happens, the experienced trustees know the ropes and they guide the new ones along until everyone is feeling comfortable.  With the group I am working with, they recognized the potential deficit in their team and decided to take the steps right from the start to create the atmosphere and cohesive team that will lead them forward for the next four years.  I have been lucky enough to join them in this journey.

This week, as we got started working on some tough issues, I started with a little question to get them thinking and to discover something new about each other.  I asked, ‘What would you do if you knew you could not fail?’

When I first posed the question, there was silence in the room.  These are not twenty-year old’s.  Some may or may not collect CPP.  Let’s just say this is not the first rodeo for any of them.  And yet, they were silent.  Slowly they chose a partner and started to talk.  When we reassembled into our group, they introduced each other using their answers.  It was humbling to hear people offer their dreams.  Some of the answers could well be lost dreams for one reason or another, but in that moment, the dreams were alive and spoken with the kind of reverence that one uncovers as they mature and start to value the gift of time and choice.  One said he would become a doctor; that he had always had the calling to serve in this way.  One offered that she would become a pilot. 

It was wonderful to hear these ideas and more importantly to notice that even as people talked about what they might do, to notice how their faces lit up.  I had joined in this exercise too as there were an odd number of people.  I surprised myself by sharing two things: one was that I would bike across Canada, the second was that I would bravely reach out to new organizations that I believe could benefit from my Leadership work.

What was incredibly interesting to me was that when others heard the answers given, they could easily imagine the person not only doing what they had shared but also imagine them doing it with great success.  It reminded me that the barriers we believe to be stopping us from doing things are often only visible to us.  The person I was sharing with said to me, about biking, ‘Oh that would be easy, just hop on your bike, put a little tent on the back and start out’.  I of course had been imagining all of the logistics; planning the route, knowing where I would land each night, trying to figure out money and food, researching the perfect clothing, and on and on until I am exhausted.   Her idea may have been simplistic, and it isn’t particularly practical, but the truth is, it could work.

In the course I have been taking with Tara Mohr, she offered us a segment called ‘Let it be Easy’.  The idea is to think of new ways of looking at things that typically feel hard for us to do.  A great question I’ve been asking myself these days is, ‘How can I let this be easy?’

Most often, my answer to this simple question does not lead me to something I need to DO, rather it leads me to think about a new way to BE or to think.  It never leads me to thinking that someone else needs to hop on board in order to make it easy for me.

Many years ago, when I was still packing school lunches for the kids, I found myself dreading the task.  One day one of the kids mentioned that they loved opening their lunch and seeing my home-made chocolate chip cookies, a staple in our house.  For whatever reason, that comment made me think that when I sent our kids to school I had no control over what their day might hold.  I thought that if, on a tough day, the only good thing was opening their lunch and seeing that it was made with love, then from then on, I would pack their lunch with love.  Almost instantly, making lunches did not feel like a heavy chore.  Nothing really changed in terms of what went into the lunch (although I must admit I did up my game), but my new attitude made the lunch packing feel like a gift rather than a chore.  Once I thought about it this way, I never went back.

As we slog through what I hope may be the last few days of this endless winter, I challenge you to try out this new tool.  Notice when something is feeling heavy or uninspiring and make a game out of thinking how to ‘let it be easy’.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘How can I let this be easy?’

Elizabeth is a Life and Leadership coach. She works with motivated clients, helping them to realize their goals.  She creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups and provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups.  Contact Elizabeth to learn how to begin to take bold steps.