On Monday, people living in North America, had the rare opportunity to witness an eclipse of the sun.  For some lucky Americans, a total eclipse was the reward for creating viewing scopes out of cereal boxes.  In Calgary, the moon eclipsed 81% of the sun; enough to really give us a profound sense of the wonder of this phenomenon.

As I read and listened to information about the eclipse, I learned that the eclipse occurred because the moon was directly between the earth and the sun.  Not only that, because the moon is 400 times closer to earth than the sun, it appeared to be the exact same size as the sun.  Thus, for people in the same line as the moon and the sun it appeared as though the moon could block the sun in its entirely.  The truth is that the moon is not the same size as the sun.  It is, in fact, 400 times smaller.

I often find myself looking to my surroundings to make sense of things happening in life and this eclipse provided some great thinking for me.  Every client I work with, whether in the corporate world, in the world of entrepreneurs, in the private sector, or in private lives has dreams.  They may have an idea for their organization that they believe will really set it apart.  They may be raising a child and have a dream for the kind of parent they wish to be.  They may have a personal goal of travel or fitness that is calling to them.  When given the opportunity to voice these dreams or goals, I can tell how meaningful the goal is to them by watching their face.  Faces light up and eyes sparkle when people talk about things they long to do.

Not only do dreams cause faces to light up, they can hold a lot of power, just like the sun.

I also know, that whenever we try to make changes in our world, our inner critic becomes very alert.  I’ve introduced you to this fellow before.  He can act just like the moon did this week.  He gets really close to us, he blocks our vision, he pretends that he is bigger than he is and that he has more power than he has.  If we are not careful, he can lure us into staring right at him.  In certain moments if we stare at him, we lose sight of our dream completely.  We become blind to our dream, seeing only what he chooses to show us.  In our worst moments, we believe that our dream has disappeared, never to be achieved.

When I write this on paper, it sounds preposterous.  No one could be fooled by such a small thing as a tiny moon; a moon that is 400 times smaller than a dream.  But I see this regularly, and I admit, I have been fooled just as many times as anyone else.  I have let a small obstacle block my vision and fool me in to thinking that my dream is so far away as to be unattainable.

A new strategy for you this week is to begin to think of obstacles as eclipses.  Two wonderful things about eclipses, in this context, is that they are predictable and they are fleeting.  None of us was scared on Monday when the skies darkened midday.  We were expecting this.  In a similar way, we should expect things to eclipse our goals.  This is a natural occurrence.  Additionally, on Monday, the actual eclipse lasted only minutes.  Before we knew it, the moon went back to doing it’s regular beautiful thing and the sun seemed to have nothing standing in it’s way.  Once we quit focusing on the moon, and once it moved ever so slightly, most of us never gave it another thought.  The bright shiny sun appeared, just as powerful as it had always been.

Most things that stand in the way of us achieving our goals and dreams are just as predictable and as fleeting as the moon was on Monday.  Even more interesting, in terms of the dreams we have for ourselves, some of the obstacles that get in our way are not even real.  They are complete fabrications.  They are thoughts that our Saboteur or Inner Critic, puts in our minds to stop us from making changes.  As I posted on my Critchley Coaching Facebook page this week, ‘Don’t believe everything you think’.

Take a little time this week to think about a dream or goal you have.  Expect to have a moon show up, puff up it’s little chest and try to make itself much larger than it is.  It might even make itself appear to be 400 time bigger than your dream.  Take a good look at this moon that is eclipsing the plan you have for yourself.  Take your forefinger and thumb, gently grasp that moon, and move it aside.  It only takes a second or two.  Then, before you, will still be waiting the incredible life you are busy creating.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘What is eclipsing my dream?’
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Jim and I have just returned from a quick trip to Ontario.  The son of my very good friend, Coralie, was getting married and we decided to fly down for the weekend, and then stay a few extra days to visit with family.  Not to mention that any chance to explore more of Canada in this 150th year, is one I love to take advantage of.

Usually when I fly, I love to fill the flying hours with either writing, or with a good book. It’s a rare treat to get a few uninterrupted hours to indulge myself.  The flight to Toronto was no different.  The plane had a few empty seats so Jim and I had a seat empty between us and I didn’t find it hard to pass the time.  I have a little splint that I wear on my right hand when I write and I wore it on this flight.  When we landed in Toronto, a bit early, the captain announced that we would have to wait for a gate to open so that we could pull up and disembark the plane.  He estimated that we might be waiting for about thirty minutes.

The man across the aisle leaned over and asked me about my hand brace.  Apparently, his son works in the brace/splint industry and he hadn’t seen one quite like mine before.  We easily struck up a conversation and I began to wish he had talked to me earlier.  It turns out that he, too, is a retired teacher.  He taught Junior High Math his whole career, just like me.  He had been a runner, just like me.  He loves to bike and kayak and hike, just like me.  Soon his wife was in on the conversation and we were talking about Enneagrams (who knew?!), my coaching business and about our lives in general.
Since I had already learned that they had moved from Edmonton to Vancouver Island, I asked them what they were doing in Ontario.  His answer captivated me.  “We’re calling our trip The Five Cottages of Friendship” was his response.  I’m sure that my face just lit up when I heard this wonderful answer.  I asked what it meant.   As fate would have it, it was at that moment that we discovered that we had pulled up to the gate and people were leaving the plane.  More than thirty minutes had passed as we had been talking.  He had just enough time to tell me that their trip would consist of visiting five cottages.  His wife had some long-time friends from her university days who still gathered together.  One of them owned a cottage and they would be there for some of the days.  One of the other cottages they would visit was theirs from his childhood.  Another was that of a different friend.  I didn’t get to hear the last two because we were being ushered out.  With the activity of retrieving bags, looking for signs and meeting our son and daughter in law, I lost them without hearing about the rest of their trip.   I have not however, been able to stop thinking about their incredible Five Cottages of Friendship title.

Jim and I have named some of our trips too.   Five Cottages of Friendship has, however, inspired me to rethink some of our titles and also to think about the power of such a title.  I had laughingly told the lovely ‘man across the aisle’ that the name we gave to the second half of our week-long trip is The Whirlwind Tour of Southern Ontario!  We have done this trip many, many times and we always give it the same name.  We christened it this long ago because we have so much family spread across this area who we try to see each time we are there.  We end up having lunch with one family, dinner with another and off we go.  By the end of our trips, if anyone asks how our holiday went, we often answer, ‘Oh it wasn’t a holiday – just our regular Whirlwind Tour of Southern Ontario.  Not only that, we often arrive home feeling exhausted; who wouldn’t be exhausted after something that is called a whirlwind?  Since hearing about Five Cottages of Friendship I realize that the way we think about something, the way we name it or file it in our minds, has a massive impact on the way we approach, or even enjoy, it. 

Last year, I went on a bike trip with my brother.  We biked the Kettle Valley Trail in British Columbia.  When I talk about it, I never refer to it as the Kettle Valley Trail trip.  I always call it ‘My Week with My Brother’.  For me, naming it this way brings up images of how much I loved our time together.  It puts the focus on our relationship, rather than on the activity.
Last summer we named our summer, ‘The Summer of Weddings’.  Both our children got married and we wanted to make sure that in the busyness of it all, we never forgot the incredible moments we were lucky enough to be amid.
My friend, Tessa, has given the name ‘Wellness Wednesday’ to every Wednesday of this summer.  I always look forward to seeing her amazing photographs of the hikes she takes on those days. 

I’ve heard people say, “This is going to be ‘The Week from Hell’ “.  Usually, they are referring to the idea that they have many, many commitments and not enough time.  I would guess, having had a few of these weeks myself, that at the end of the week they really do feel like it was the week from hell.  When we attach a name, we zero in on finding evidence to support that name.  This is especially true when we name the event in advance of it occurring.  It is as if we are inviting the title of the event to come to life.

I wish I had learned the name of my flying companions.  I would love to call them and find out more about their Five Cottages of Friendship adventure.  In my imagination, they would have had a glorious time; they would have made many more memories with people who are clearly important to them.  But I don’t know their names, so I will have to content myself with being grateful for my chance encounter with them.  It reminded me to spend some time naming small pieces of my life with titles that focus on what I want to create.  We’ll be going to Whistler later this fall and already I’m dreaming about what we should name that trip!
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Book a coaching session with Elizabeth to make sure the titles of your life match the goals you dream about. Elizabeth provides coaching for individuals and for groups.  She also facilitates custom workshops for teams, groups and businesses.

We’ve been friends with Chad and Brenda for years.  Just over a week ago, both of them attempted, and successfully completed a 50km trail run in British Columbia!!  If you are a non-runner, you’ll immediately dismiss this as lunacy.  If you are a runner, as I am, you’ll be inspired and thrilled.  And maybe a bit jealous.

Chad and Brenda have done a LOT of running in their lives.  Brenda has completed 15 marathons and two 50kms.  Chad has done 15 marathons and one 50km.  The half-marathons and 10kms they have completed are too numerous to mention.   Earlier this season, Chad was the ‘pace bunny’ for a group at the Calgary Marathon and he brought them in within one second of their target time.  That’s impressive!  During that same race, Brenda tackled her second 50km road race and finished in a time that would be the envy of many!

A few years ago, before my hiatus (I don’t want to say ‘when I was running’ because I know I’ll be back), we would often see Chad and Brenda at races.  We followed each other’s progress when any one of us was doing an out of town race. We loved to cheer them on and they returned the favour.  There are many things that I admire and love about this couple.  I love how they support each other in whatever challenge one of them sets for themselves.  I love how they are always interested in including others in their adventures.  I love how they are always more interested in hearing about the success of others than mentioning their latest victories.  They just seem to speak my language and I find it really easy to be with them and to talk to them about my passion of running and about life in general.  Chad often jokes that the taper is his best skill.  In running, ‘tapering’ refers to the one to three-week period immediately prior to a race when a runner needs to back off mileage in order to let the body heal and prepare for the demands of the race.  I used to hate tapering because it made me feel like I wasn’t preparing.  Chad on the other hand sometimes took it to the extreme when he would joke that he had tapered for months before a race.  A young body might get away with this, especially in shorter distances, but long distances and age require that the taper be kept to about a week.  In Chad’s case, this was always just code for, ‘I might not have trained enough!’

Tapering is just one of the terms in the language of runners.  Another running term that came to my mind this week was the idea of ‘junk miles’.  In life, junk refers to things we don’t want and in fact likely should or could get rid of.  Following that school of thought, at first glance you might think that junk miles are bad.  However, there are some very conflicting opinions about junk miles. 

One school of thought is that every workout needs to have a specific purpose.   A specific purpose might be something like hill work to build strength, intervals to increase speed, distance to improve stamina.  If your workout doesn’t fall into one of these categories, then you are running junk miles.  In other words, you are doing running that will be of no benefit to you in a race.  People who subscribe to this theory would argue that junk miles need to be eliminated from their workouts.

The other camp would argue that all miles are good miles and that the more miles you put on during a week, the better your performance will be on race day.

It happens that there is truth to both ideas and that it might be unfair to pick sides here.  In running and in life.

If you think of one key relationship you have in your life right now, and think of the time you spend with that person, I’ll bet you put on some junk miles and some quality miles with them.  I know I do.  Some of the time spent together is simply time.  This might include time spent driving quietly in a car, watching TV and reading the morning paper.  In other words, every single interaction is not focused and purposeful.  Other times, your time together is very purposeful.  You might be on a special date night, or engaged in a conversation that is important or working together on a project.

I’ve always felt that there are life lessons to be gathered from running and I believe that this is the case here.  In important relationships, if all your ‘miles’ spent together are junk miles, this can lead to boredom with each other. On the other hand, if every single interaction is focused and efficient, this can lead to exhaustion and dread; there is no space to just ‘be’.  There may be times when some of your junk miles can easily be replaced with quality miles and there might be times when junk miles are exactly what is needed.

There is also a third, less spoken about possibility; it may just be that there is an opportunity for quality miles within junk miles.  When I think of many of my conversations with Chad and Brenda, we often just chat about life, recent races and adventures.  At first glance, these could appear to be ‘junk mile’ conversations.  They aren’t intense and they aren’t designed to solve any world issues.  However, sprinkled inside these conversations are always comments of encouragement and interest.  Almost always one of them says something that reminds me to keep seeking adventures and to push myself.  I always leave them feeling better about myself than when we start.  In my book, these are definitely ‘quality mile’ conversations. 

Over this next week, notice what kind of miles you are typically logging with people in your life. Just noticing this is often enough to make the little tweaks necessary to be able to perform like Chad and Brenda; you want to be able go the distance AND know that your effort will get you close to a perfect time!

Run on!
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P.S.  Just this week, Chad mentioned that Brenda is considering a 100km race.  I’ll keep you posted…..
 
Book a coaching session with Elizabeth to create a ‘running’ program for your life that brings you exactly the impressive results you want!  Coaching is available for individuals and for groups.
 

I met one of my dearest friends on the first day of grade ten.  I was new to our high school, and Miss Kelman, the guidance counselor took me outside and introduced me to Jane.  We became friends instantly.  Today, despite living in different provinces, having children at different stages of life, going through a variety of life experiences separately, we have remained close friends.  I cherish my friendship with Jane and with her husband, Terry.

When Terry, was told that he would need six rounds of chemotherapy (three days long each with four weeks between treatments), we were understandably upset but we signed up for the journey – as support team.  Because we live far away, it wasn’t possible to do things like take meals over, or drop in to help with household chores.  And so, my self-appointed task has mainly been to keep in good contact with them and to be a cheerleader. When we were on our trip to the east in June we were able to have a great visit with Jane and Terry during one of Terry’s weeks ‘off’.

This week, Jane brought me to tears when she sent us a short video of Terry finishing his last day of chemo.  The video showed Terry being brought into the hall at the hospital, where a large gong had been set up.  Terry was given the mallet, and the nurses, Jane and the staff stood, watched and cheered as he struck the gong to signal the official end of his treatment. This is, apparently, what patients get to do to mark the ending of their chemotherapy treatments at the hospital where Terry was treated.  It was such a short event.  But such a powerful ritual to mark the end of this chapter in his life.

It made me think of other such rituals I have heard about.  When the new hospital was built in the South-East end of Calgary, I learned that they were going to have the tradition of allowing new parents to choose which song they would softly play throughout the hospital to broadcast the news of their baby being born.  I love this idea of marking new life this way.  Years ago, when a very young friend of ours was going through her cancer treatments, the nurses brought beads for her to lace on a long string.  Each bead was a marker of every single procedure she had; her bead string was far too long but it was a powerful reminder of what she had been through.

What brilliant ways the medical profession has come up with to mark such events.  These professionals realize the importance of stopping, even for a brief moment to acknowledge milestones.  How sad would it have been for Terry to finish his treatment and for he and Jane to simply have signed out and gone home to recover.  Luckily, the staff have recognized that while their primary role is to care for the physical medical needs of the patient, that the psychological needs are just as big a factor in healing and in the success of treatment.  It is harder to document these.  It is harder to measure them through blood work or CT scans.  But patients who have gone through serious illness and procedures most often comment on the ‘care’ they received, rather than on the procedure itself.   Part of this care is the acknowledgement of the completion of the journey or of part of the journey.

This has had me thinking about how wonderful it would be if we could incorporate this kind of practice into our own regular lives.  How often it is that we finish a huge project at work and we look at our desk, only to find that something else is begging for our attention.  There is no celebration, no atta-girl, no stopping to say, “Way to go!!”.  We just march onward to the next task.  What a difference it could make in a company if when a huge client was brought on board that the ‘gong’ could be rung.

Similarly, at home, so often a member of the family accomplishes something that is significant to them, and yet the gears of the family just keep on turning toward whatever is next.  Little kids have a way of demanding that we stop and acknowledge milestones.  What parent hasn’t stood over a toilet and cheered before the ceremonial flush!  Somewhere between the flush and landing the big client, we have lost the art of noticing and stopping to give recognition for things well done, for milestones achieved, for ends to difficult journeys, for jobs well done.

In our family, our ‘gong’ is going for ice cream.  As our children grew up and achieved various awards, we would always say, ‘We’ll have to go for ice cream to celebrate’.  And we do.  When Kaitlyn met Matt, she must have told him about this tradition, because when he landed a job in Calgary he asked, ‘Is this an Ice Cream Moment?’  It sure was!!  We celebrate ends of school years, new contracts, engagements, acceptance into programs, new jobs, new homes …. all with ice cream.
Next week Jim and I are going to be in Ontario for a wedding.  We plan to stay a few extra days, head over to where Jane and Terry live, pick Terry up and take him to Avondale Dairy to celebrate this most wonderful turning point in the best way we know – with ice cream!
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