Happy Almost New Year!  I love this time of year because it offers me a chance to look back at the year to which I am saying goodbye. I like to reflect on the parts of the year I loved, the parts I wished I could do over, the parts I helped create, the parts I was accidentally lucky enough to be part of and the parts that have helped me grow.

If I were to give 2017 a title it would be “A Celebration of All Things Canada”.   It goes without saying that I delighted in celebrating our Sesquicentennial Year!   Jim and I chose to spend the entire year within the borders of Canada, exploring as much of this great country as we could.

Our travels took us from the easternmost point of Canada, Cape Spear, located on the Avalon Peninsula near St. John's, Newfoundland, where we enjoyed a beautiful sunrise one June morning, to Vancouver, British Columbia, where although we did not set foot on Vancouver Island, we could see it from the shores of North Vancouver.

When people ask what I liked the best, I have a very hard time answering in a simple sentence.  Of course, I loved seeing, in person, so many of the sights that I have read about in books and imagined in my mind.   Standing in Bonavista, Newfoundland, felt like a coming home.  Throughout my whole childhood, my sisters and I would sing ‘This Land is Your Land’, and of course the line in the song ‘from Bonavista to Vancouver Island’ was one that stuck out in my mind.  The feeling I had standing there was indescribable.  It was like I could feel bits of my childhood coming back into focus.

When we went to Nova Scotia, driving down the South Shore was breathtaking as was the drive along the Cabot Trail.  This has been on my ‘list’ for many years now.  But it was not any of these sights that were my favourite; my favourite was having an outdoor lunch at the cottage of the parents of our son-in-law, Matt.  Hughie and April greeted us as if we were family, and we had the most wonderful afternoon visiting, getting a sense of where Matt grew up and understanding where his incredible sense of decency was born.

A close second in Nova Scotia was visiting a pub one evening where fiddle music was the order of the night.  As we watched the sunset over the ocean and listened to the beautiful Celtic strains coming from the talented musicians, I was completely at peace.  No museum or monument or sight could have outdone the feeling I had.

In New Brunswick, I loved walking on the floor of the ocean at Hopewell Rocks.  I loved feeling tiny as we wandered along the beach.  But most of all, I loved being with my cousins and aunt and uncle.  Here is where I was reminded of my childhood summers, where I was most connected to my extended family and where I felt so accepted.

Prince Edward Island gave me the feeling of imagination as Jim and I biked along the red dirt bike trail, part of the Trans Canada Railtrail System. I could somehow imagine Anne of Green Gables passing by us on her bike as she went to meet Dianna.  This gave me time to recognize where my love of reading was born.

Similarly, in Ottawa, even though we were just hours too late to skate on the Rideau Canal, I can’t imagine how that trip could have been better.  Meeting up with my childhood family friend, Louanne, was the best gift ever.  She shared memories with me that no one else on earth could have and our few days with her are ones I cherish.  Ironically, not being able to skate on the canal means that we will definitely keep Ottawa on our list, and I’ll get to reconnect with Louanne again.

Throughout our year, the same theme appeared over and over, winding its way through our travels like a beautiful gold thread. In Ontario, I loved the sights of course.  But much more than that, I loved spending a short few hours with high school friends that I have not seen in forty years.  These people reminded me of who I was, and they gave me a glimpse back into a time in my life that set me on the course I follow today.

On and on it went, right across the country, all the way to Whistler, BC, where we were lucky to spend a long weekend with our whole family.  Again, the scenery was breathtaking.  Again, it surpassed every picture I have ever seen. Again, the thing I loved most about it was not the scenery, but the simple run I took one drizzly morning, through the trees and along a lake thinking about how lucky I was to simply be there and to have my whole family safely with us.

Even this past week as we spent time in Ontario with Greg and Cara, we got to visit some of the farmland of Southwestern Ontario where Cara was raised.  Once again, the sights outside were nothing in comparison to the welcome and love we received around the table at Cara’s parents, Sharon and Dan’s place.

The gold thread that seems to have woven itself through the fabric of 2017, Canada’s 150th Birthday, is that of connection.  Our travels, that began with a goal of finding as many Red Chairs as we could in our National Parks, have instead connected me to lost friends, to forgotten memories, to simple pleasures, to the importance of loved ones, and to the appreciation of sharing every minute of it with Jim.

 I heard a definition of happiness this week.  Rita Mae Brown said:

Happiness is pretty simple:  Something to do, someone to love, something to look forward to.

I didn’t know this recipe when the year started but somehow, it seems to fit perfectly with this past year I have loved so much. I have no idea what 2018 holds in store.  Over this next week I will be setting some new goals, planning my next adventures and dreaming of things to come, but for now, I am content to spend some time in gratitude; gratitude for a year that brought me gifts I never knew I was seeking.

My inquiry for you this week is ‘What are the hidden gifts here?’

Elizabeth creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups.  Book a session with Elizabeth to learn how to incorporate the tool of gratitude into your life.
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Watch for Elizabeth’s upcoming workshop series online!

It’s hard to believe that Christmas is once again at our doorstep.  Each year I live in the fantasy that the next year will be the year that I am perfectly prepared.   The next year I will have thought up the exact right gift for everyone.  The next year my house will look like one of those beautiful magazine pictures.  The next year my baking tray will rival those on The Great Canadian Baking Show.  The next year I will find the perfect outfit.  And the next year I will be a model of love, peace and goodwill.

And yet, here I am again, on the Eve of the Eve of Christmas recognizing that none of that happened.  (OK, maybe I am a model of peace, love and goodwill but…..) The good news is that I feel ok about it.  I know that there is no outfit that would give me more joy than that which I get from being with my family. I know that no one of importance is judging my decorations.  And judging from how fast the little baked treats disappear from the plates, I’m guessing that no one is too concerned that my baking isn’t the fanciest either.

In terms of gifts, I’ve been thinking about how I choose the gifts I give.  I’ve also been thinking about the spirit with which I give and receive gifts.  I was playing a little game in my mind that I’ll call, ‘What If I Could Give Any Gift?
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In my imaginary game, it is today, less than 24 hours until all stores are closed and all shopping is complete.  In my game I have access to a special store, one that sells only quality gifts.  In this store money does not limit my choices.  Nor does size or colour.  Each item in the store would fit the wearer perfectly.  In this store, there is never a shortage of the quality gifts I seek.  No one ever tells me, “I’m sorry, we just sold our last one”.  And as an added bonus, each quality gift is one of a kind, does not need wrapping and is easy to carry.

The gifts in this store are Qualities.  In my little imaginary game, I’ve been thinking about what quality I would ‘purchase’ for each of the special people in my life if this were the store I shopped at.  I would do some very serious thinking about which quality I think that each person might not only benefit from but which quality might serve them the very best in their life.

It’s amazing to me that when we look at people from the outside, it is so easy for us to imagine what quality would benefit them the most.  It could be that they are in need of some Gentle; this would be just the thing to soften their words and make them more approachable.  They may reap rewards from some Bravery; we might easily be able to see what talents they could bring to life if they were not afraid.  Perhaps they would profit from Tranquility; we might have noticed that their worrying gets in the way of their being able to enjoy the moment.

The quality of Trust might be a popular choice; someone we know may need to learn to trust others, or more importantly learn to trust themselves.  One of our loved ones may be delighted to be graced with Bravery, while another may revel in a brand-new Backbone.  Passion shouldn’t be overlooked in this magical store; someone we know might benefit from a small amount of this in order to feel fulfilled.  Some will need some Certainty, while others may need Flexibility.  

The good news is that this store is filled with every manner of Quality.  Kindness, Compassion, Boldness, Forgiveness, Respect, Easy-Going, Confident, Open, Pride, Honesty, Determination are only the tip of the iceberg in this store.

Hidden on some smaller shelves, among others, may be Communication, Determination, Persistence, Humour, Loyalty, Humility and Fairness.

As I played ‘What If I Could Give Any Gift?’ in my mind as I was baking, it struck me that if I was going to be able to shop at this store for my loved ones, then it was only fair that they should be able to shop here for me.  What would they give me I wonder?

What is the quality that they can see would benefit me the most?  This is much harder for me to think honestly about.  We all want to feel that others see us in our best light, and that they love us how we are.  We hate to think that we need fixing or that we are not enough.

One of the most basic premises of Coaching is that ‘The client is creative, resourceful and whole.  The client is not broken and does not need fixing.’  I believe this completely and I use it consistently in my coaching practice.  It is such a gift to be seen from this perspective.

And so, this Christmas, I have decided that I will shop at my little shop and only buy a gift for myself.  I will purchase as much Acceptance as I can. I will use this purchase to remind myself that I am fine exactly how I am and that the other people in my life are not broken either. They do not need more of some Quality that I have decided will make me feel better about them.  They are perfectly whole, as am I.  I will accept them exactly as they arrive at my door, and I hope to be received in the same generous way.

I urge each of you to visit this shop, and to find your perfect gift; not the gift that you will give to others to make them ‘better’, but the gift that you will give to yourself that will allow you to accept the beauty and wonder and love of this Season into your life.

May your homes and hearts be blessed with Peace, Hope and Love this Christmas.
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Merry Christmas!

​This week I drove down to Fish Creek Park, a beautiful Provincial Park that lies within the city of Calgary, to go for a long overdue run.  If I had to pick only one aerobic activity I could do it would be running.  I’ve missed it so much over the last three years as I waited for knee surgery, had the surgery and now am in the accordion world of figuring out how much, and what, is the perfect combination for my body.  Two things I know for sure are:

1.  My years of running 6 days per week and logging long miles are over.
2. I’m not ready to say goodbye to running.

And so, the accordion continues to move in and out as I run, feel great, run some more, overdo it, rest, pull back on the distances and start the song again.  I know that the formula I’m using isn’t perfect and I also know that I’m getting closer to figuring out what will work for me.  So, when I awoke to a +12 day one morning this week, the call of the clean, dry running path in the park was too much for me to resist.

As I drove down to the park (even this small change is a big one for me; at one time I would have thought nothing of running the two kilometres downhill to get to the park and then running back up at the end, not really even counting these kilometres in my total and definitely never considering the effect of the pounding of the downhill portion) a deer ran across the road in front of me and I had to brake to avoid her.  All of the years of us living in the country has made me acutely aware of watching for wildlife as I drive, so this sighting was not a surprise to me.  In many ways, it was a comforting reminder that nature is not as far away from my front door as I sometimes think.

As I watched this doe gracefully prance across the road, I marveled at her ability to seem so effortless in her agility.  There were trees on the far side of the road and once she reached them, she quickly maneuvered in and around them with ease.  I have seen this behaviour many, many times before.  Sometimes deer will find a well-worn path to travel, but if they are startled, as this one was, they still manage to navigate their new surroundings, and create new routes with seeming effortlessness.

As I continued to the park and on to my run, in between my gasps for breath, I thought about the skill of agility and about how it can serve us well in this Christmas Season. 

For most of us, travelling a well-worn path is what we are used to and it is what gives us a sense of comfort and of control.  The Christmas Season is fraught with so much busyness, that if we at least are able to feel like we know how to navigate parts of it, we feel better.  What happens then, when something shifts; when some of our plans get changed at the last minute?  What happens when we run out of a key ingredient for our family’s favourite treat?  Or when the gift we had ordered does not arrive on time?  Or when unexpected guests arrive at our door… just before we have a chance to vacuum?  Or when the outfit we thought we’d wear to the company party turns out to have ‘shrunk’ since we last put it on?

How agile are we when we are startled, when our familiar paths are blocked and we need to find new routes?
Agility is a such a valuable skill to carry with us through this season.  It gives us the ability to gracefully change direction and yet still find a way to make it safely to our destination.  A key part to this of course, is to actually know what our destination is!

If we are hoping to simply survive to the end of the holiday season, then almost any path will do.  Agility may be required, but more likely it will look like we are simply bulldozing our way through.  We may knock over a few trees on the way, we will likely not notice the carnage we leave in our wake, and chances are we won’t look back on our season having created memories that anyone will want to repeat.

If, however, our plan is that we get to the end of the holiday season feeling pride for how we acted and reacted, and feeling proud of the atmosphere we have created in our lives, then agility will become our much-needed friend.  We will be able to notice when our trying to force our original plan is not only fruitless, but that it detracts from the atmosphere we are trying to create.  When we are agile, we move easily around and through obstacles, with a seeming effortless, like my ungulate friend in the park this week.  By using agility to get through our Christmas forest we will gracefully maneuver our way through the inevitable obstacles that we will face.

Before you start warming up your agility muscles, note that exercising agility does not mean that we need to abandon all our plans.  Nor does it mean that other people’s agendas should override our own.  If we overuse our agility trait, we may end up not accomplishing, or pleasing anyone.  The deer I was watching used just the right amount to quickly get her out of harms way and to get her into the safety of the forest.  She did not continue to wear herself out by continuing to bound around trees once she accomplished her mission.

As the final week to Christmas approaches, many things will be out of your control.  Use agility to not only adapt to unforeseen circumstances, but also to continue to be the person you have been creating this year.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘How can agility serve me?’
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Elizabeth creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups.  Book a session with Elizabeth to learn how to use agility in your life.

I heard a forty-something woman talking this week about pictures she had posted on Instagram. She smiled and laughed as she said, ‘No middle-aged woman posts pictures without using filters’!
What???!!!!!  I had no idea!  I have heard of these filters but I have never used one!  All along I have been merrily taking pictures and posting.  Anyone who knows me will not be surprised at this. I wish I could say it is because I am so confident in my looks.  Alas, I simply don’t know how to do it. I have visions of wanting to take a picture using a filter, and then needing to call one of my children to figure it out!

When I think about these magical filters, part of me thinks they are a great idea.  I know that I have seen pictures that have been taken using such filters and they really do help create incredible photographs.  On the other hand, I think of women and our struggle to find a balance between using ‘things’ to enhance our looks and striving to be valued for more important things than those that are superficial. 

As I age, I try to remind myself that my body tells the story of my life and that I should embrace the lines and spots and gray hairs and aches.  Having had a mother who died when I was 10 years old, I know too well that the alternative to having wrinkles, et al, is not my desire.  I try to appreciate this and show up to my life with confidence. 
And yet… those filters are now calling my name!

As I have been pondering this deep dilemma this week, and laughing at myself as I do so, I’ve been trying to notice places where filters could come in handy in our lives. 

This week I was at the dentist office for my six-month cleaning.  As always, I was welcomed warmly at the front desk by Michelle, who not only asked how I was but also checked in on how our daughter Kaitlyn is feeling as she enters her final month of pregnancy. Then Sam, my hygienist, made sure to talk to me about ‘life things’ that we had talked about last time.  I love her true caring nature and the passion she brings to her work.  And even though Dr. Charanduk wasn’t scheduled to see me, he popped in just to say hello and to inquire about how things were going for me, not only regarding my teeth, but also in reference to my family and my life.  He made sure to check in about both Jim and Greg, even though neither of these is a patient of his.  As I payed at the front desk, Michelle tucked a little gift card for Chapters, into my receipt.  She said that Chapters has lots of neat things for new babies that I might like to spend it on.  And then she said that in their morning meeting they had talked about me and had said that I will be a wonderful grandma. Incredible!

Considering that the dentist office is not my favourite place to be, I couldn’t think of any way that this visit could have been made better.  In truth, this is how all of my visits to this office play out.  Whether I am there for a cleaning, a regular check up or a root canal, I always know I will be well cared for.  As I drove home after my appointment (thinking about how I might use a filter to show off my uber clean teeth – if only I knew how ;) ), I realized that Dr. Charanduk and his staff use a filter with their patients.  Oh, no doubt they need to use the regular filter to monitor what they say, but it seemed to me that the more important filter they use is the one that allows them to see their patients as valuable people, rather than as procedures.  Clearly, in their morning meetings, they discuss the roster for the upcoming day and they remind each other about the people they will be serving.  From everything I have ever seen or heard when I have visited this office, the treatment I received is standard practice.  The ‘Let’s View this Patient as a Valuable and Welcome Person’ filter is applied, patient after patient, day after day.  What a wonderful gift this is for their patients!

Since not all of us are as adept as using filters as Dr. Charanduk and his team, I’ve been wishing that some tech company could develop filters that we each could apply in our lives.  As this busy season of Christmas rushes toward us, this could be invaluable!

What filter would you find most valuable?  Perhaps you need one that filters out your abrupt words and lets you sound more like the person you heard in your head when you were thinking about what you wanted to say.

Or maybe you would benefit from the filter of kindness? When you apply this filter, you will notice that all people are carrying a load, and that by offering kindness, you lighten that load.

Perhaps the filter of ‘Memory Making’ will be the one you choose this Christmas Season.  When you use this filter, you try to make your ‘to do’s’ into moments that can be cherished.

Or maybe you will filter everything through the lens of love, or patience, or through the lens of the Christmas Story, or through the lens of ease.
As for me, I plan to use many filters.   I hope I can choose just the right one at the right moment to help me create the season I want to be part of.

If all else fails, apparently the Clarendon filter on Instagram will intensify the shadows and brighten the highlights, and Reyes will hide all blemishes so at least I can turn my Christmas photos into the illusion of my self-enlightenment!

Think about the person you are hoping to be this season.  My inquiry for you this week is, ‘What filter should I use?’
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Elizabeth creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups.  Book a session with Elizabeth to learn how to incorporate the tool of filtering into your life.

This past week I went to see the movie, Wonder.  I LOVED it.  Besides being movie about families, about school, about love and about rising above challenges, it is a movie that forced me to think about perspectives; sometimes about perspectives I would rather have ignored.  At one point in the movie, one of the teachers wrote the following precept on the board, ‘Our deeds are our monuments’.  As I read this and listened to the students in the movie wrestle with its meaning, I knew that it was time to move my blog readers from thinking about who they are being to carefully choosing what they are doing.

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you will no doubt have noticed that one of the things I have regularly encouraged you to do this past year is to get very clear in your life about who you are being.  For many weeks, I have reminded you that who you are being, is much more important than what you are doing.

Make no mistake, I still advocate BE before DO.  I also recognize that a life filled with only being, will, in the end, seem very hollow.  In fact, I can’t think of any bigger waste of a life than one that is spent in simply being. I have visions of a person sitting cross-legged in a candle filled room, practicing being. No action required.

As we enter this final month of 2017 (or DO-cember as I may start to call it), after months of reminding you to think about who you are ‘being’, I am finally willing to give the ‘doing’ part of life the emphasis it deserves.

December brings with it no shortage of things to do.  We will be cleaning and decorating our houses, preparing food for friends and family, buying and wrapping gifts, entertaining at home and attending parties.  For most of us this will all be in addition to our already full ‘normal’ lives.

In fairness, you may be wondering the following:  If we are already so busy doing, why am I bothering to spend time writing about the importance of doing?  Don’t we already get it?

Clearly, we are all excellent doers.  In fact, our days are filled to the brim with doing.  Most of us would happily step off the do bus at the next stop and simply be.  And therein lies the paradox:

While we are checking things off our lists by doing, I usually ask you to focus on who you are being.  And yet when you have finally learned to focus on being, I am now asking you to consider what you need to be doing.

Being without doing is as hollow as is doing without being.

Untangling this is about as challenging as untangling the Christmas lights that we so neatly placed in boxes at the end of the last season.  And yet once we have done the untangling, the beauty and peace it brings to our lives and the lives of those we interact with is immeasurable.

If it is true that our deeds are our monuments, then it is critical that we think carefully about our doing. The things that we do, our deeds, will be what is left when we are not.  When I think about the monuments that I am building with my deeds, I hope and pray that my best monuments will not be made out of dish cloths and recipes and shopping for the perfect gift.  Likewise, I hope that my best monuments will not be made out of my pretty website, tests that I have marked or meetings that I have attended.  Or out of things I have bought, restaurants I have visited and hair cuts I have received. And yet all of these things have been on my to do lists many times over.  Clearly, simply doing is not enough.

I would love it if one of my monuments was made from the education that children received from me; both the students that I taught in Canada and the students for whom I helped provide an education in Kenya.  In the doing of these activities, I strove to be compassionate, kind, and generous.  I would love it if another monument was built from the strong family that I have nurtured and loved.  In the doing of the things I did for my family, I strove to be supportive, open-minded, loving and a good role model.  And if I was so lucky to have a monument made from people I have had the privilege of calling my friends, I would hope that it would be built on my kind treatment and appreciation of them.  These are three monuments that might survive the test of time.  In all of these cases while I was focused on doing I tried not to lose sight of who I was being.

When I have been encouraging you to think about who you are being over this past year, I have been encouraging you to practice being the person you strive to become.  What I am asking you to do this week, in all the busyness of this season, is to continue to think about the person you wish to become, and to think about whether what you are doing is bringing you closer to being that person. 

If it is not, then you may want to consider either removing the doing thing from your list or choose to be the person you strive to be while you are doing.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘What monument am I building with my deeds?’

Elizabeth creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups.  Book a session with Elizabeth to learn how to build lasting monuments.