I’ve welcomed this past week during which I have had some time reflect on all of my new memories that were made at Kaitlyn and Matt’s wedding and throughout the following busy week.  How lucky am I to realize that if I had to do it all again, there is very little I would change.  With the slower pace of this week, it seems as though more and more memories are surfacing. 

Normally I would use the time after a big event to scour through all of my pictures and I would often use those pictures as my memory cues.  However, on the day of the wedding, even though my ‘good’ camera was charged up, with a blank memory card, I chose to leave it in its case.  I also chose to leave my cell phone in my purse.  As we waited for Kaitlyn to come down the stairs with her attendants, I unzipped the camera case with the intention of getting out the camera so as not to miss this moment.  And then I realized that if I placed a camera between myself and our daughter, I would be doing exactly that; missing the moment.  It was in that instant that I chose to leave the camera alone.  I stood in the moment, allowing all of my feelings to simply wash over me.  Although I was overwhelmed, I was very, very content.

Many times in my life I have used the space behind my camera as a hiding place.  It provides a handy and legitimate barrier between me and whatever is happening in the room.  When I am behind a camera, I am easily able to escape.  It provides me with a task to do so that I can concentrate on doing rather than being.  It also provides an easy topic of conversation, eliminating the chance of talking about anything too important.

Behind my camera has not been my only hiding place.  I recognize now that I have had many very creative hiding places in my life.  I have hidden behind my children, using their busy schedules and lives to justify not making more room in my life for my other interests.  I have used a busy career to hide behind.  Who could expect me to be out socializing when I had lessons to plan and papers to mark?  I’ve hidden behind beliefs given to me as a child to avoid considering new possibilities.  I’ve hidden behind an extroverted husband.   I can sometimes even be found hiding behind my kitchen counter as I cook.  Stacks of dishes and laundry let me hide in plain sight.

Each of us has places we hide.  What is noteworthy is that none of the hiding places and none of the activities I have used as hiding places are bad.  It is not bad to be a responsible parent, nor to take pictures, nor to let someone else have centre stage, nor to cook or clean or have a busy and fulfilling career.  It is simply important to recognize the difference between being involved in an activity and using that activity as avoidance – often the avoidance of a feeling that we would rather not have.

One of the things I have learned through my coaching practice is that I don’t need to hide.  I do have feelings and they are simply a part of who I am.  They do not own me nor do they control me.  I recognize that when I acknowledge my feelings, I diminish their power over me.  They are part of me just as surely as are my green eyes.  They make me who I am.  I recognize that when I allow myself to feel my feelings, I also give permission for others to do the same.    I have been lucky to have been a guest at the buffet of feelings that others have shared with me.

When I was a little girl, all of the children in our neighbourhood would gather on summer evenings to play hide and go seek.  As is the tradition with this game, if someone could not be ‘found’, or if the ‘seeker’ got tired of looking, then he or she could send out the call, “Ollie, Ollie Umphrey”.  We all knew that this meant that we were safe to leave our hiding places and allow ourselves to be seen.  We could not be tagged, and so we were spared the dreaded task of becoming ‘it’.  To the followers of this blog I call out “Ollie, Ollie Umphrey” this week.  I grant you permission to take the risk to step out from behind the things you are used to using to shield yourself.  I trust that you will find some new treasures, some new feelings and maybe even make some new memories.

Meanwhile, I can’t wait for the official photographs of the wedding to arrive!
​
Don’t wait for a great moment to make change; take this moment and make great change.
Finding the tools you learn in these blogs to be helpful?  Contact me today to learn more about how we can work together to facilitate the change you want.

Just a few days before Kaitlyn’s wedding I wanted to make a small adjustment to an outfit.  Out came my sewing box and my little box of pins.  I was instantly stilled as I thought about what the significance of these little pins has become in my life. 

When our daughter, Kaitlyn, was living in the UK she came to a time when she was ready to make a significant life change.  The choices that she had given herself were to either enter a Master’s program at a university in the UK, or to travel to Australia for a year.  She called me to talk about it.  The best advice that I could think of to give was something that I have since used with coaching clients.  I explained that when we look back at our life, often we sum things up with a single sentence.  For example we might say things like, “I taught school for 30 years”.  Or “We lived in Europe for three years”.  Or “I studied for four years at the U of Waterloo”.  These huge time periods and significant milestones can often be reduced to a single sentence.  I explained that in 10 years Kaitlyn would either be saying, “Then I got my Masters degree” or “Then I lived in Australia for a year”.  I went on to say that our lives can be pictured like a timeline that is formed by a series of pins that have coloured heads.  The important thing to keep in mind is to understand that we are in control of the colour of pins that we choose.  I mentioned to Kaitlyn that it was my hope that her timeline would be filled with beautiful pins and that in this case she should simply make the choice that gave her the chance to add the pin that she wanted most.  She chose Australia.
I use my ‘box of pins’ in my mind to keep perspective about things in my life.  Kaitlyn’s wedding last weekend was one such milestone where perspective was valuable.  The wedding was perfect.  As we prepared and prepared for months, we never lost sight of the idea that this event was much bigger than any of the small details.  (The whole is greater than the sum of the parts is aptly used here!)  We each kept our eyes firmly fixed on what colour of pin we would be proud to use in our timeline to signify this wedding season.  We recognized that the little things that were out of our control would, in the end, not make it on to the timeline.  They would not be what everyone remembered.  That made it easy to let them to let them go.

The pin I would choose for this wedding would have a head made of the most beautiful blue/green colour.  This is my favourite colour and this past week is a new favourite memory.  We celebrated a perfect wedding day with Kaitlyn and Matt.  We were surrounded with family, with old friends and with new friends.  Everyone who partook came to provide love and support for this couple.  It could not have been better. 

Kaitlyn would choose a different colour; perhaps a pearly white.  Jim, Greg and Cara would each have their own colours too.  The key is not in the colour itself, rather it is in the significance of the colour and it is in the power of choice that comes with the choosing of the colour.

My challenge for you this week is to think of something that is current or upcoming in your life.  It may be as simple as this summer season.  It may be raising your family.  It may be a new job.  It may be a new academic adventure.  It may be a planned holiday.  Choose what colour of pin you want to use to mark this event or time and then decide what you need to do to be able to place that pin on your timeline when the event is complete.  My hope is that you create for yourself a timeline that is filled with pins that are colours that you love.
 
Don’t wait for a great moment to make change; take this moment and make great change.
​
Finding the tools you learn in these blogs to be helpful?  Contact me today to learn more about how we can work together to facilitate the change you want.

By the time this is posted, our daughter’s wedding ceremony will be finished.  It is hard to believe.  So much preparation, so much waiting and anticipation and then….

When I speak at the reception, my opening line will be:
I don’t think that there is an aisle long enough to walk down that gives a mother the time she needs to think about her daughter, what she means to her and what this day means for both of them.  Today that aisle felt mighty, might short for I had so many thoughts of gratitude running through my head.

For me, this week has been one of gratitude.  As the preparations have amped up, I have set an intention to welcome this wedding and all it involves, and to be grateful for everything that it symbolizes and that it reminds me of.  First, I am grateful that our daughter is so happy, and that her choice in partner is one who brings out the best in her.  Matt loves her exactly how she is and I can envision them growing together; accepting each other exactly as they are now and also allowing each other to evolve.  What a gift. 

I am grateful for everyone who has shared in the journey of raising our daughter.  I am grateful for Jim’s and my family who have traveled here to be with us.  I am grateful that Kaitlyn knows that these people are her supporters.  I am grateful for all of the friends that Kaitlyn and Matt have made and who have traveled far distances to witness their special day.

I am grateful that our own little family loves to be together as we celebrate milestones.  We made this a ritual in our family from the time the children were young.  If one of us had something special going on, the rest of us were there to watch, cheer and be a part of it.  We love to be together and for that I am most grateful.

I am grateful that I have had the chance to be Kaitlyn’s mother.  What a gift.  I am grateful that this wedding is going to be hard for me, even though I am thrilled about it.  I know when it is hard to let go, it means that I have loved what I have had.  I am grateful that both Kaitlyn and Matt were able to have both their parents and their siblings at their wedding.  We were not always confident that this would be the case.

If you have been following my blog, you will no doubt know that I use examples from my real life to introduce some coaching tools that you can apply to your life – business and personal.  This week, the tool I am introducing is gratitude.  It could also be called acknowledgement.  Often in life we get caught up with setting a goal, chasing the goal, achieving the goal, and then racing on to the next goal.  While there is nothing wrong with this, there are also times in life when it is important to take a deep breath in order to acknowledge or give thanks for a milestone or an accomplishment. 

This week I am acknowledging all that it has taken to bring this wedding to reality.  I am acknowledging my work as a mother and my love for my daughter.  I am grateful for everything that this wedding symbolizes.
​
I challenge you to choose something for which you can give yourself acknowledgment or something for which you are grateful.  Try to do this without assigning it any conditions.  Try to do it without setting a new goal.  Just take time to fully stand in the moment of what you have accomplished or for what you are grateful. Celebrate yourself.
Here comes the bride!
 
Don’t wait for a great moment to make change; take this moment and make great change.
Finding the tools you learn in these blogs to be helpful?  Contact me today to learn more about how we can work together to facilitate the change you want.

This week marks the official start to Calgary Stampede 2016.  For my little part in this magnificent 10 day event, I have been performing with the Chinook Country Line Dancers.  We danced at Heritage Park, in the Stampede Parade, at Seniors Centres, at Stampede Breakfasts around the city and next week we will perform at Rope Square.

I joined Reba J and the Chinook Country Line Dancers last September.  Each week we meet for a one hour lesson.  Apart from that, some members choose to be a part of the performing group; others choose to be part of the classes only.  Equal love and attention is given to every member of these groups!

When I decided to join this dance group ten months ago, I was anticipating meeting some new people and learning some new dances.  That’s it.  Never did I imagine that I would be a part of a live ‘leadership workshop’ in my line dancing class this year.

In class, when we form our lines to dance sometimes if I am not feeling too sure of the steps, I’ll choose to place myself in one of the back rows.  That way, I know that the leaders will be in front and I can follow them.  However, I have learned that in line dancing, after every few bars of music, the entire group of dancers end up turned to the side, or sometimes completely around, so that the back line becomes the front line (the leaders).  I am unable to avoid leading no matter where I place myself.

What I have come to appreciate in this process is that each of us has the propensity to be a leader.  Not always do we lead in the same way, but each of us is occasionally called to lead, even when we might not feel fully confident.  Given the right environment, we can each step up as the leader we are needed to be.  In line dancing, sometimes we lead from the front, sometimes we lead from the side and sometimes we lead from behind.  Skilled leaders understand the value of each of these positions and they have the intuition to place themselves in the position where they are most needed and where they will be most effective, depending on the situation.  Skilled leaders do not insist that leadership at the front is the only acceptable method.  Skilled leaders are never worried that they need to ‘protect’ their territory by refusing to relinquish appropriate amounts of control.  Skilled leaders transition easily from front to side to back to front.  Reba J, our instructor, is one of the most skilled leaders I have ever had the pleasure of working with.

Once Reba J has given us our direct instructions (sometimes patiently repeating them), she then chooses where she will dance.  She sometimes dances at the front, sometimes she slips in at the back and sometimes she dances along side of us.  Other times she simply cheers us on as she attends to the music, picture taking and logistics.  No matter where she is there is no question that she is our leader and that she is in charge.  The finesse she shows in knowing exactly where to position herself, to ensure that she brings out the best in each of her dancers, is remarkable.    Although I have not asked Reba J this, I suspect that one of her goals is to give us the direct leadership we need as dancers until we are ready to lead ourselves.  At that moment, she simply steps aside and allows us to shine.  I have worked with skilled business people who could learn a lot from Reba J.
​
In life it is important to recognize that we are often called to lead.  It is also important to recognize that we are not always asked, nor required or wanted to lead from the front.  My family is now just one week away from our daughter’s wedding and I realize that there will be many moments of potential leadership in this next week.  Jim and I will be reminding ourselves that the role we once held in our family as ‘leading from the front’, will no longer be as necessary.  In recent years, we have tried to practice leading from behind, encouraging our kids as they tried new things and then returned to us to teach us some new ideas and skills.  I suspect that leading from the side is going to serve us well in the coming months and years.  It is time for us to walk with our children.  They can sneak a peek to the side if they need us. And they will let us know if they need us out in front.  I am so grateful that my time with Chinook Country Line Dancers has helped me become quick footed so that I can make my transitions as needed.  Thank you, Reba J, for modeling such inspiring leadership.
My challenge for each of you this week is to notice the position from which you are leading.  Think about whether this is the most effective position for you to occupy based on the results you want to achieve.  ....5, 6, 7, 8 Dance On!
 
Don’t wait for a great moment to make change; take this moment and make great change. 
Finding the tools you learn in these blogs to be helpful?  Contact me today to learn more about how we can work together to facilitate the change you want.

I watched the season premiere of The Amazing Race Canada this week.  I love the show, both because of the adventure of the Race itself and because the show highlights Canada.  On this episode, we were introduced to the contestants; all of the teams consist of two people who have been in established relationships.  The couple that I was completely taken with are Julie and Lowell Taylor. 

When the audience is first introduced to this good looking, easy going, easy to like couple, we see them with their young family.  Then we hear their story.  In this case, the story that caught my attention is that Lowell, the husband and father, has a progressively worsening eye disease called Retinitis Pigmentosa.  I am guessing that Retinitis Pigmentosa may be familial, and possibly hereditary, since his grandfather also had it.  This disease eventually causes complete blindness. Currently, Lowell is legally blind, but is able to see what would be the equivalent of looking through a pin hole.  Julie and he wanted to do the race so that Lowell can see as much of our beautiful country as he is able to while he still has some sight.
To watch them as they work together and embrace this adventure is inspiring to say the least.  And of course, it got me thinking.

Most of us do not have Retinitis Pigmentosa.  And yet often, we choose, to see our world through a very tiny pin hole.  We see what we are looking for.  We see what is easy to see.  We see without taking too much deep thought.  We sometimes see without even trying to turn our head.

This man, Lowell Taylor, does not have the luxury of seeing fully, and yet it seems to me that he and his wife Julie see life more clearly than most of us.  What Lowell lacks in sight, he seems to make up for with insight.  Lowell knows that he has a severe restriction and yet he is choosing to see more than many of us will see in our lifetime.  He sees not only the scenery of Canada, but he also sees what I like to call ‘the Big picture’.  He understands the importance of now.  He comprehends the urgency to make the most of each day.  He has somehow figured out what is important and what is not.  He chooses to see possibility – even through a pin hole.  He sees his life clearly and without self pity.   He sees what he is able to contribute and he is grateful for what others contribute to him.  Perhaps most striking of all, he and Julie, seem to fully grasp the importance of their relationship, and, at least to the viewers, they are models of championing each other. 

I would imagine that most of us operate with something close to full sight.  Perhaps we need some glasses to compensate fully for slight deficiencies.  However, I am guessing that most of us choose to use only a fraction of our sight.  My challenge for you this week is to view your life with a full lens.  See not only what you can see through the pin hole.  See not only what you have gotten used to seeing.  See not only the limitations but the possibilities.  See the choice you have in helping someone else to live to the fullest.  See the people around you who are available to help you live a full life.  See the power of your spirit when you look at life not only through your pin hole but through your full lens.

We have some pretty incredible Canadians among us.  Celebrate one of them today.  Happy Canada Day!