One of my favourite sounds this time of year is hearing the birdsong in the morning.  It’s the time when our little feathered friends wake up and begin to call.  I’m not a scientist, and I’m sure that any good biologist could give me the real reason for the calls, but in my mind, they are simply inviting me to join in the beauty of the day.

As I was listening to the birds the other morning, I thought about the idea of callings in our own lives.  I had a misconception of what a calling was for a long time.  I had read and been told that we should find work to do that is our passion, find what we are called to do, and if we do it, we will never work a day in our lives.  My understanding was that anything short of this would be wasting our time on earth.  I often noticed that many people, perhaps most people, do not have the luxury of doing this. My dad worked in a factory.  I don’t believe this was his passion or his calling.  I do believe it provided him with a way of providing for us.  I think that his truth was the same as many people’s truth. 

So, what then is a calling?  What calls to us and how can we incorporate that into our life?

One thing I now know about callings, after completing the Playing Big course with Tara Mohr, is that we do not have only one or two callings in our lives.  When I used to think about callings, I believed that I likely had only one calling, and I’d better get it right because it would inform my life’s work.  What pressure!  I now realize that we have many, many callings throughout our lives.  Some will be big and will stretch over years; some will be very small and will take up less than a day.  A better question to ask ourselves than ‘What is my calling?’ is ‘What am I being called to right now?’

As I think about people in my life, some of their callings are visible.  Jim, despite his career of being a school principal, and now a financial ‘guy’, is always called to nature; specifically, to animals in nature.  He brings this calling to life in so much of the work he does.  When he was in education, some of his very favourite moments were taking the students on mountain hikes and camping and introducing them to wildlife and the wonders thereof.  These days, when he isn’t at his desk crunching numbers, he sits on the Board of Directors at the Leighton Art Centre; why wasn’t I surprised when he told me he had volunteered to run workshops called, ‘Tracks in the Snow’ and ‘Birdwatching’?  This is one of his callings.  It gives him joy.  It gives him peace.

Contrary to my earlier belief, callings are not things that need to be our career.  We do not need to make money from them.  They do not need to take up the bulk of our time.  They simply ask us to make space for them in our lives.  Often, the reward from the calling is doing the thing itself.  Even a few hours each month spent on a calling creates vast benefits.
Sometimes when people experience a calling, they feel fear.  They might be called to do something that will shake up how the world thinks.  I’m guessing that the women who stood up for equal rights and more recently for the MeToo movement, felt not only called to speak out, but also felt fear.  They may also have felt like they needed to be part of it but they were not qualified.  They may have felt like they did not have all the required tools.  If only they knew that, according to Tara Mohr, these feelings can be signs of true callings.

I have been lucky in my life.  I do believe that my teaching was a calling. I was called to it at a young age and I am still called to teach.  To clarify, although I was hired to teach math, and although I love math, this was not the calling.  The calling was to provide a place where students could learn about themselves, to feel safe and welcome and be encouraged to grow into their best selves.  I wanted to hold up a mirror so they could see themselves in the capable way I saw them, and that by doing this they could bring their own gifts to the world.  This is my teaching calling.  I am at peace when I teach.  I feel energized, I feel like I am contributing and I feel ‘right’.  This would be one of those rare callings that does provide an income and that does span over a long time but not all callings are like this.

Lately, I am noticing other callings.  I am called to dance.  I will never make a cent at this.  And yet, no money could replace the feelings of peace and joy it brings to me.  I am called to be present for the classes and to bring my best when I am performing.  It may make no sense to others; that is the beauty of callings; only the person being called can really understand the pull.

My sister Mary is called to Storytelling.  There are stories that she feels compelled to tell; this is a force larger than her.  Sometimes she feels resistance, as if she should run in the other direction and yet there is also the feeling that this is her work to do.  Jim’s mom is still called, at almost 89 years old, to bring comfort and peace to those facing illness or death.  She is also called to sing.  And last week she called me to say, ‘I danced!  I danced!’  I’m pretty sure this is a calling.

This week our little Benjamin, now four months old, was wearing a wonderful t-shirt that said, Hug Life.  When we follow a calling, this is the feeling we experience.  The feeling of hugging life.  The feeling of rightness, of meaning, of rarity and of wonderful energy and joy.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘How are you called to Hug Life?’
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Elizabeth is a life and leadership coach in Calgary, AB.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups and she creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.  Contact Elizabeth to help you or your organization to figure out how to bring your callings into your life and work.  

With the unseasonably warm weather we’ve enjoyed in the past week, I’ve found myself pulled outside.  I’ve been on my bike, on the running paths, out for walks and even just out on the deck.  It isn’t that I had forgotten how much I love the outdoors, it is just that it had slipped my mind how much I really do love being outside.  I even enjoy going to appointments and meetings more.  There is something about the few minutes spent between car and building that feels so life-giving.

In my world, the winter months are often spent on inside projects.  I spend a lot of time at my computer, inside conference rooms facilitating workshops and meetings, in my home doing projects and little tasks and indoors meeting with clients.  I do my workout indoors, do yoga indoors and dance indoors.  I have seemingly endless jobs I can tackle during the inside winter months.  When spring arrives, I try to make as many opportunities as possible to get outside and do the outside jobs. 

I was thinking that this too applies to the coaching tools I’ve been sharing.  Over the past few months, in this blog,  you’ve been reading and learning about the Inner Critic.  You’ve learned ways to recognize her (him) and ways to deal with her so that you can achieve new goals.  You’ve learned about the stories you tell yourself that may no longer be serving you well.  You’ve learned how to replace these with new stories that will suit you better.  You’ve learned about accessing your Inner Mentor or Sage to find out what gems she has to help you make decisions.  All of these, I’ve realized, have been inside jobs.  These all involved having you think about things in a new way in order to make change in your life or at least in your state of being.

The weather has changed.  The tulips are up.  The trees have blossomed.  It’s time for us to do some outside jobs.

Last night I wore a new top to dance class.  To clarify, I bought this top last August.  It was a ‘new arrival for Fall’.  I loved it and thought it looked so modern.  Apparently, it looked so modern that every time I thought of wearing it, I second guessed myself and hung it back up.  You can imagine that my Inner Critic was delighted in herself for keeping me ‘safe’.  Well, last night, I guess spring fever must have got the best of me because before I could change my mind I put on the top, jumped in the car, turned up the radio and headed for dance class.  I’m not sure when I’ve ever had more compliments on something I’ve worn!  Good grief, what was I waiting for?  With all the time spent on working on the inside of me, I’d forgotten how good it feels to put a little effort into the outside.  (And just to clarify, I did wonder, “Oh dear, what must I usually look like?!”)

Besides our physical looks, there are plenty of ways we can do some outside jobs this season.  When was the last time you set the intention of looking outside yourself and making conversation with a stranger?  It could be as simple as striking up a short dialogue with a salesperson or someone in a group or class you attend.  It could be saying hello to everyone you pass on your evening walk.  Speaking of evening walks, perhaps your outside job might be as simple as finding ten minutes each day to get outside.

Maybe your outside job needs to be bigger.  Maybe you’ve been living inside a box that is too small for you.  If you can’t force yourself to step right out of your box, perhaps opening up a window so that you can at least see what you might have available could be a great first step. 

Getting outside your comfort zone can be very intimidating; NOT EVER getting outside your comfort zone is heartbreaking.  Think of how much more interesting it is to talk to someone who has the excitement in their voice of trying something new.  New does not have to mean unsafe, or huge or irresponsible.  New can mean a new restaurant (with an outside patio😊), or it can mean heading out to a movie instead of watching television.  Or going to a live game or concert or play. Or it can mean finding an organization that could use a new volunteer.  Or reaching out to a friend you have neglected for a while. 

Jim has been working on outside jobs lately too.  He and his friend Daryl took on the new project this spring of designing and building bird, bat and bee houses for a local golf course.  On Friday, he headed out to record how many bird houses have been inhabited and how many babies have been born.  What a perfect way to get outside; outside of his office, outside of his current circle of contacts, outside of his usual thoughts, outside of his regular activities.  I could almost feel the thrill in his heart when he sent me the picture of the tiny bird he replaced in her home. 

I challenge you this week to do some outside jobs; look outside of yourself, polish up your appearance, say hi to a stranger or try something new.  Go wild.  Shake it up.  It’s spring.  In a blink, we’ll be back to our computers and meetings last years clothes and snow shovelling.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘How can I bring this ‘outside’?
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Elizabeth is a life and leadership coach in Calgary, AB.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups and she creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.  Contact Elizabeth to help you or your organization to figure out how to bring your dreams or your work ‘outside’.  

I have a large exam coming up on Monday.  It’s been quite a while since I’ve been the student in this situation.  For many years I was the teacher and as such my thoughts around exams focused on whether I had taught the material well enough, whether the students were ready, whether I had created a fair exam and whether the exam would really tell me what the students knew.  I also believed I gave fair warning and good review and generally set the students up for success.

Isn’t it funny how a different perspective can change everything?   Our course instructor, Tara Mohr, has no doubt given our upcoming exam plenty of thought.  I have no doubt that she feels we are ready and that she has created a fair and valuable testing tool.  I even notice she is framing this as ‘a wonderful opportunity to showcase all we have learned’.  Hard though it might be to believe, I really do trust that this is the intent with which she is approaching this exam.

And yet….

I am still feeling a bit apprehensive.  This is all despite the fact that I’ve maintained a regular study schedule, believe I’ve got a good grasp of the material, have been an attentive student, have completed all assignments and even practiced the skills we were taught. 

Going through this process has given me reason to look back and recognize that when I was teaching, just because I believed the students were ready and well prepared, does not mean this is the way they may have seen things.  It’s a great reminder about other things in our lives where our plan does not match up with the result.  I recalled reading about this in Marita Fridjhon’s book, Creating Intelligent Teams.

Whenever we do something we do it with a certain intention.   We have a purpose or a plan.  This is a good thing.  It means we are being conscious about what we choose to do.  Even when we don’t think we have purposely set an intention, we really have done so.  Even when we say, ‘Oh, I’m not going to plan, I’m just going to wait to see what happens and go from there’, this too, is an intention.  Problems rarely arise from setting intentions.   How then is it possible that a teacher can have a certain intention and the student can experience something else completely?  For that matter how is it possible for us to set any intention, only to discover later that others misread us completely.

In cases like these, the challenges occur not necessarily because there is anything wrong with the intention itself, but rather because our behaviour does not match our intention.  When this happens the outcome or impact is rarely what we hoped for.

When we set an intention, in our own minds we can visualize what we want to happen.  We can strategize and plan and dream and prepare to manifest our idea.  However, often we forget that we have very familiar patterns of behaviour that we use and that people are used to.  If we do not align our behaviour with our intention, it is often easy for others to mistake our intention for something else.

For example, with Mother’s Day approaching, a child may want to let his mom know he really appreciates her and wants to demonstrate this by creating a special gift.  His intention is fantastic.  It may even be very well thought through.  Let’s imagine that this same child, in the creation of the gift, creates a large mess (this is the behaviour that is visible to the mother).  The mother, having absolutely NO IDEA what the intention was, only sees the behaviour (the mess) and she responds accordingly.  This response is the impact created by the intention and behaviour.  Needless to say, the result is not what the child envisioned when they began.

As a student teacher, when I was first learning to teach, a principal in the school where I had been assigned, had come to observe my well-planned lesson.  I loved my students and was excited to have the principal observe me.  At the end of the lesson, which had gone very well in my mind, he gave me a lot of praise about my content, delivery, classroom management and knowledge of the subject matter.  He then asked if I had enjoyed the class.  ‘Oh, yes!’ was my enthusiastic response.  His response stunned me and yet it provided me with invaluable advice.  He replied, ‘You need to let your face show that’. 

The secret to avoiding this disconnect is for us to try to match, with as much accuracy as possible, our intention with our behaviour.  This gives us the best chance to have our desired impact.  We need to remember that others cannot possibly see into our minds and know our intention.  The only tool they have to rely on is that of observing our behaviour.  The extra challenge for us is that our behaviour patterns may be so automatic that we no longer recognize them as problematic.

In short, we can see our own intention but not our behaviour or our impact.  Others can’t see our intention but can clearly see our behaviour and feel the impact.

In terms of my upcoming exam, I do know the intention of our course instructor.  She has explained it verbally to us and she has given it to us in writing.  Not only that, she invited one of her co-facilitators to also give her perspective on it, which aligned perfectly with what had been previously shared with us.   Perhaps most importantly, both of these women have demonstrated nothing but complete integrity in every dealing I have had with them.  There is nothing to make me think that this exam will be anything other than what they have offered – a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate my knowledge.

In terms of Mother’s Day, some of the little ones creating the ‘surprises’ won’t be very good at communicating their intentions.  As recipients, perhaps we might choose this weekend to be one where we don’t judge the behaviour before we investigate the intention!

Happy Mother’s Day!  I offer this with the best intentions!
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Elizabeth is a life and leadership coach in Calgary, AB.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups and she creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.  Contact Elizabeth to help you or your organization create alignment with your intention, your behaviour and the impact you have.

It’s been a tough few weeks for Canadians.  After writing about Humboldt a few weeks ago, I returned to my regular kind of blogs: ones where I find an example in my everyday life that can be used as an illustration of a coaching tool.  Last week, I felt strongly that I should write about the tragedy in Toronto, where 10 people were hunted down and killed by a complete stranger driving a rental van. Fifteen others were badly injured in this tragedy, all innocently going about their daily lives in a city they love.  The truth was that last week I had no idea what to write. I couldn’t bear to put my thoughts on paper.

Like many Canadians, I imagine I just did not want it to be real and by not writing about it I could somehow make it less.  I know better than this. 

Then on Sunday evening we turned on the late night National news and heard about the three little boys in Northern Manitoba who on Saturday had been doing what millions of us have done before them; walking and biking along a neighbourhood road, when they were struck and killed by an impaired driver.  How much can we take, I wondered.  It is enough.

What can we do in times like this?  One of the most helpful things I’ve seen Canadians do in these past weeks is to simply bear witness to these tragedies.  Hundreds of thousands of Canadians have stood side by side, in Saskatchewan, in Ontario, in Manitoba and from coast to coast, simply acknowledging the deep loss that has occurred.  This is bearing witness.  While it seems to be far too passive an act to represent our deep sorrow and sense of loss, it is in fact one of the most helpful things we can do. Bearing witness means that we choose to stand along side those who need us, that we willingly listen to or acknowledge the stories that need to be told and that we show our support by acknowledging what has happened. 

When we bear witness, we do not have to have witty things to say.  We do not have to share our similar story.  We do not have to know one single answer.  We do not have to pretend that everything will be alright.  We simply have to allow the other person to be seen.  And to be heard.  And to know that by being seen and heard, that what they are experiencing has worth to us.  When we bear witness we are saying, ‘You are not alone.  What you have experienced matters to me.’  By doing this, we lighten their load.

There is not much worse than going through a painfully challenging, or beautiful time other than to go through it without having anyone to bear witness to our experience.  There is an aching loneliness that accompanies anyone who has no one to bear their witness. 

The Zulu people of South Africa greet each other by saying, ‘Sawubona’ which means, ‘I see you.’

The response for this is ‘Ngikhona’, meaning ‘I am here’.

The order of this greeting is important.  Simply put, it indicates that until we are seen, we seem not to matter.  For each of the people affected by the recent events in Canada, the rest of us are left trying to let them know that we see them, that what they have experienced and are feeling matters and that we want to lighten their load.  Over the past weeks, we have all watched news coverage of complete strangers going to the sites of the tragedy to do nothing more than bear witness.  Sawubona, they seem to say.  We see you.

I was wrong when I thought that writing about these tragedies strayed from my regular writing about tools we can use in our daily lives.

Bearing witness is a powerful tool.  It is also a most welcome gift to receive.

As you travel through your week, notice people who may need you to bear witness.  They may not live in Humboldt or Toronto or in Nelson House.  They may serve you at a coffee shop, they may be stopped on a trail looking at scenery, they may be resting in a care-facility, they may be at your dinner table.  Bear witness. 

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘Who needs to hear me say, ‘Sawubona’?
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Elizabeth is a life and leadership coach in Calgary, AB.  She provides leadership coaching for individuals and groups and she creates and facilitates custom workshops for corporate, public and private groups.