I’ve been laughing to myself quite regularly recently as I hear new expressions and imagine how I’ll incorporate them into my daily vocabulary.  I also laugh as others receive my new vocabulary!  We had friends over recently and I decided to try one out for fun, telling someone they had rizz.  Met with blank stares, I kindly enlightened them that they had charisma.  Rizz.  Obvs.

It’s hard to keep up with all the new language, you might say.  Bet, I’d respond.  And this of course could cause a person to become salty.  Which in turn could cause me to be accused of being sus.  Rest assured, I don’t cap.
 
The truth is, I had to look all these terms up (see glossary).  I don’t even try to keep up.  I do hear new terms and try to figure them out, but I’m fully aware that once people of a certain age begin using terms that make it into the Urban Dictionary, the young people immediately stop using them. 

This week, however, I was listening to a radio call-in show as I drove to an appointment.  An author was being interviewed.  Toward the end of the interview, the interviewer said he wanted to give his guest a signal boost.  I kind of understood the gist of what he was saying, but given my ineptitude for new terms, I put it in my memory bank to look up once I was home.  Amazingly, I was able to remember the term.

In general, signal boosting refers to sharing another’s information with one’s own audience, with the purpose of drawing attention to their cause, work, or platform.  I might give our Chinook County Dance group a signal boost by mentioning them in a blog (like this), or by using social media to invite people to come to watch us. However, one can also give themselves a signal boost, drawing attention to some part of themselves or their work.

When I was being raised, we would not have been encouraged to signal boost ourselves.  Drawing attention to ourselves was not looked upon with favour.  It would have been seen as bragging or demanding the spotlight, neither of these were attributes to which we were encouraged to aspire.  However, as I thought about this term, signal boost, and before I looked it up, I began to roll it around in my head and I realized that each of us could stand to do a bit more of it in service of fully stepping into our best selves.   It’s hard to live a full and rich life, a life where we are fully engaged, when we play small, when we minimize ourselves, and when we withhold some of the best parts of ourselves from others. 

I thought about the many people I have worked with who, I have discovered, have incredible qualities and talents I knew nothing about.  The reason for this is the same reason others know nothing about them. Theses people too, were raised on my diet of not promoting ourselves.  Not only were we encouraged to not promote ourselves, we were actually encouraged to minimize our strengths.  This was partly to keep aligned with not bragging, but also, more troubling especially for women especially, it was to not make others feel lesser.

To use the Urban Dictionary, that nonsense was extra!

Throughout our lives there are beginnings and endings.  Some are big, some are small. Some are marked with significance, even fanfare, some with nothing at all.  We start new jobs, we end careers.  We begin a family, our children move on to have their own lives.  We take up hobbies, we end those same hobbies.  We nourish friendships, and friendships fade.  No matter the length of our encounter with others or with organizations, we leave some kind of imprint.  The thing is this, people will only know of us what we reveal.  If we want to be known as a leader, we need to reveal ourselves as such.  We need to signal boost, taking actions that highlight our leadership.  This may mean taking on a new title, or simply using our voice at the right time in the right way so others have the opportunity to notice us through a leadership lens.

If we wish to be known as brave, we need to demonstrate, signal boost, our bravery.  Being brave inside our own minds doesn’t translate to bravery in the minds of others who can’t see it.  Bravery doesn’t have to mean skydiving or starting a new business.  It can mean repeated acts of integrity.  It can mean speaking truth to power.  It can mean challenging thinking that is hurtful to others.  It can mean living with honour, not worrying about whether our actions will receive signal boosts from others. 

If we wish to be known as a lover of music, we might consider making more room in our life for music.  We might need to take out our earbuds, perhaps attend live music events or join with others to make music.   If we wish to be known for our kindness, we can practice acts of kindness.  The same goes for having a sense of humour, for being spontaneous, generous, creative and inventive.  If we want to be known for our love of nature, perhaps we need to stand in it. 

Whatever this thing is inside us, this thing we want to be known for, this thing we want to leave behind as part of the memory of us, this impact we want to have, it’s time to give it a signal boost.  Not for bragging rights, not to shine a spotlight on us, but in order for us to live, out loud, the life we are quietly imagining. 

Do something drip this week.  Something that will have others remark, sheesh!  Signal boost some part of your life you’ve let lie dormant too long.  Make others say, upon seeing this part of you, ‘I was shook!’.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘What part of my life needs signal boosting?’

Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching.  She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society.   She works with corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching.  She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups and has expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations. Contact Elizabeth to learn how to signal boost.


Glossary
 
Bet:  I agree, good news!
Salty:  Being upset over something little
Sus:  Giving the impression that something is suspicious.
Cap: Another word for lying. 
Extra: Being over the top, excessive; dramatic behaviour.
Drip: When something is very cool.
Sheesh: An expression for when you are impressed or amazed by something
Shook: Being shocked or surprised.  When you can’t believe what you are seeing.

Last week when it was, as one of my friends often said, “Far too cold for man or beast, and very few women”, we found ourselves thinking up ways to occupy busy little boys for a couple of days.  Ben’s school program had an extra week of holiday, and we were the lucky recipients of a few extra days with him.  By the end of the week, we needed to find some indoor play spaces to burn off some little boys’ energy!

I’m always amazed to take the kids to a place we haven’t been in a while; their growth becomes instantly apparent.  Not only have both Ben and Andy grown in height, but both have gained in confidence and were able to try things they had not been able to do only last spring.  That of course meant this Gramma had to up her game too!

Ben couldn’t wait to race me down the big slides, after having to navigate our way through a maze of obstacles to get to the top.  He of course nimbly maneuvered his way to the top with ease.  Eventually we added Andy to our game and the three of us filled the morning going up and down.

As we headed for our coats at the end of Friday morning, I noticed a little blood on one of Ben’s hands.  I pointed it out and looked at it.  It wasn’t much more than a wide scrape.  Ben wasn’t bothered by it at all and I said, ‘You likely just caught it on a rough edge somewhere’.  At home I cleaned it and put a bandage on it.

The following day we celebrated Ben’s birthday.  Kaitlyn had planned an outdoor skating party, but with the high temperature for the day forecast for -36°C, she had to change plans and managed to snag time at an indoor rink for the party.  Jim and I don’t skate regularly.  For perspective, the number of times I’ve been skydiving in the past couple of years is about equal to the number of times I’ve skated.  With my increasing challenging feet, that find no skates comfortable, I was a bit concerned.  I decided if I could squish my feet into my skates I’d aim for a couple of laps around the arena, call myself a good sport and leave it at that.  To say Jim and I were rough around the edges is quite an understatement.  However, the smooth indoor ice, compared to the outdoor ice on our lake, was a pleasant surprise.  My first lap was slow, and I did not volunteer to try to hold Andy, or anyone else, up.  Eventually, I got my legs under me.  My strokes became smoother, I stood more confidently, and finally even managed to turn myself backward for a few gliding moments.  By the end of the hour, with a few sore spots beginning to talk to me, I actually thought I might like to skate more often.

This week kept revealing such moments to me.  These rough edges. At dance class, having been away from it for over a month due to our Christmas break, most of us found ourselves rough around the edges.  When Reba J would announce the dance we would practice, many of us looked at one another with the look of, ‘Is this new? Have we learned this before?’  But as we reviewed the steps and the music began, our edges smoothed.  Our brains had to work less hard.  And we could laugh and smile and, for the most part, all end up facing the same way.

I have plenty of rough edges.  Everyone does.  Luckily as we become adults, we have the luxury of not choosing activities or jobs that reveal most of them.  Human beings are apt to choose things they like, or more likely things they are good at. These things, have fewer rough edges.  Our love of them has prompted us to practice them over and over again until we are smooth, our rough edges, gone.

But rough edges are not always bad and noticing them is very good.  Rough edges mean we are trying new things.  Rough edges mean we are stepping out of our box.  Rough edges mean we are daring to learn.  Rough edges mean we are being presented with a challenge, perhaps an opportunity.  They make us uncomfortable.  The remind us we are beginners.  When we notice rough edges in our lives we are, to quote my elementary principal, Sister Conception,  ‘Standing on the edge, uncertain.’  What a wonderful place to be!

This year, I’m going to look for, and embrace some rough edges.  Sometimes this will involve trying new activities, or even just making changes or additions to my familiar activities.   Sometimes it will involve something entirely new.  Sometimes the rough edges will appear as noticing a part of my personality, or my impact on others, or behaviour that keeps tripping me up. 

A very difficult thing about rough edges is that it’s hard to plan for them.   We do our best to create smooth lives, to have easy transitions and satisfying relationships.  But just when we think we sanded down most of the rough spots, those edges have a way of popping up and making themselves noticed.

We have a few choices when we notice a rough edge.  We can of course cast them from our lives completely, not even attempting to change ourselves or try new things.  We feel the rough edges but pretend we do not; not taking the time to notice what they may be trying to show us.  In this case we make the assumption we are as good as we are going to be, and we leave it up to others to accept us how we are.  Or we can notice the rough edges, notice how smoothing them could enrich our lives, and perhaps the lives of others, and then get to work with our sandpaper.

Rough edges are opportunities.  May your 2024 be filled with them, may your supply of sandpaper be generous, and may you learn to use it gently.

My inquiry for your this week is, ‘Where is my rough edge?’
​
Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching.  She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society.   She works with corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching.  She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups and has expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations. Contact Elizabeth to learn how to notice and smooth the rough edges.
 

Happy New Year!  There is something about the number 2024 that I like.  Some numbers are just nice.  Clean.  Useful.  Easily divided.  They have a good feeling about them.  Being a mathematical person, I love numbers that have lots of possibility.  2024 has lots of possibility. 

So, you can imagine my surprise when my year did not begin how I had imagined.  In fact, before the first week was over, I had been to the funeral of one of my dear dancing friends, Karen, and had mourned the loss of our cherished Uncle Roy, my dad’s brother.  It all set me back on my heels and had me rethinking 2024.

I usually love a new year.   As a kid I always loved a brand-new notebook or binder, with not even one mark yet made on the pages.  The new year reminds me of such a book.  There it is, laid out before me, waiting for me to make the first entry.  I can enter anything I want, a scribble, a drawing, a blueprint, a poem, a design, a letter, a list, a plan, a spreadsheet, a story.  Anything I desire.

I’ve often made resolutions, or set intentions as I understand they are now called.  To be honest, I usually make similar ones to everyone else.  Most often, I’m pretty good about commitment.  As I’ve reflected on my usual intentions, I notice that so often they involve self-discipline (which I love), restraint (which I’m good at), and delayed gratification (which I really could give myself permission to fail at once in a while).  Most often, resolutions, or intentions, revolve around ‘getting it together’, simplifying, streamlining, creating order, having self-control, and somehow being at peace. 

This year, I’m taking a close look at my mindset to figure out whether all my resoluteness is what will really matter to me in the end.

While we were sitting at the Celebration of Life for Karen, or Mac as we called her, one of the speakers told of a time when Karen was on holiday with her family.  They were at Disneyland, or some other large amusement park, and they decided to go on one of the rides that offered the feeble warning, ‘You may get wet’.   Karen chose to sit right at the front.  Her family members warned, ‘Mom, don’t sit here.  You’ll get soaked’.  Many of us, upon hearing such a warning would have thanked the person warning us and moved to a different seat.

Not Karen.

“I want to do it all!”, was her reply.

This was her way of approaching all things in her life.  She was low on judgement, fear, and complaining, and high on experiencing life.  Karen wasn’t reckless or irresponsible, she wasn’t showy or loud; she was smart, had an open mind, and believed life was full of wonderful things to be sampled and enjoyed.

Those words ‘I want to do it all’ have stayed with me, and with others who heard them that day. 

I, of course, am not Karen.  I don’t have her exact same personality or makeup.  It would be a disappointing world if we were, in fact, all identical.   So, while those words might not be the exact words I would say, the essence of them has had a profound impact on me. 

I can’t say I want to do it all, but I do have a yearning for something more.  In my case I don’t think it’s for more things for me to do.  What is truthful for me is that I want to spend less time getting it all together, and more time being fully engaged, right in the middle of life.  I have no desire to walk a high wire, parachute jump, or drive a race car.  But perhaps it’s time to stop dipping my toes in, revealing only parts of myself, and instead step right into the water of life, sometimes up to my ankles, sometimes to my knees, sometimes my waist, and sometimes, maybe even right up to my neck.

Sometimes when we look at others experiencing what looks like joy, we say, ‘I want to do that’.  I suspect it’s not as much that we want to do the exact same thing, but we want the feeling they have.

I don’t quite know what my ‘doing it all’ will look like, but do I know what it will feel like.  It will feel like I am giving myself permission to be me. It will feel like I am fully engaged in life.  It will feel like an open heart, and deep respect.  It will feel like I don’t have to hold back any parts of me.  It will feel like joy.  I think that part of me, that part deep down that knows exactly who I am and what I am capable of, will gain a stronger voice.  I will become more of myself.

I know too, that sometimes, this ‘full living’ might sometimes feel like heartbreak, for this is the price we pay for daring to love, and for daring to bring our full selves to the table of life.  I’m ok with that.  My heart has felt broken this week, but I know the only way I could have avoided it would have been not to know or love Karen and Uncle Roy.  What I would have missed out on. 

I know too, showing up fully as myself also has its risks.  Not doing so does too.  That somehow seems so much more dangerous.

I hope you have set some intentions for this year and that you extend your 2024 New Years list to include not only the usual ‘get it together’ type things, but also to a couple of things that satisfy your personal ‘Doing it All’ list.

My inquiry for you this week is, ‘How am I ‘Doing it All’?’
​
Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching.  She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society.   She works with corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching.  She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups and has expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations. Contact Elizabeth to learn how to ‘do it all’.