I’m always amazed to take the kids to a place we haven’t been in a while; their growth becomes instantly apparent. Not only have both Ben and Andy grown in height, but both have gained in confidence and were able to try things they had not been able to do only last spring. That of course meant this Gramma had to up her game too!
Ben couldn’t wait to race me down the big slides, after having to navigate our way through a maze of obstacles to get to the top. He of course nimbly maneuvered his way to the top with ease. Eventually we added Andy to our game and the three of us filled the morning going up and down.
As we headed for our coats at the end of Friday morning, I noticed a little blood on one of Ben’s hands. I pointed it out and looked at it. It wasn’t much more than a wide scrape. Ben wasn’t bothered by it at all and I said, ‘You likely just caught it on a rough edge somewhere’. At home I cleaned it and put a bandage on it.
The following day we celebrated Ben’s birthday. Kaitlyn had planned an outdoor skating party, but with the high temperature for the day forecast for -36°C, she had to change plans and managed to snag time at an indoor rink for the party. Jim and I don’t skate regularly. For perspective, the number of times I’ve been skydiving in the past couple of years is about equal to the number of times I’ve skated. With my increasing challenging feet, that find no skates comfortable, I was a bit concerned. I decided if I could squish my feet into my skates I’d aim for a couple of laps around the arena, call myself a good sport and leave it at that. To say Jim and I were rough around the edges is quite an understatement. However, the smooth indoor ice, compared to the outdoor ice on our lake, was a pleasant surprise. My first lap was slow, and I did not volunteer to try to hold Andy, or anyone else, up. Eventually, I got my legs under me. My strokes became smoother, I stood more confidently, and finally even managed to turn myself backward for a few gliding moments. By the end of the hour, with a few sore spots beginning to talk to me, I actually thought I might like to skate more often.
This week kept revealing such moments to me. These rough edges. At dance class, having been away from it for over a month due to our Christmas break, most of us found ourselves rough around the edges. When Reba J would announce the dance we would practice, many of us looked at one another with the look of, ‘Is this new? Have we learned this before?’ But as we reviewed the steps and the music began, our edges smoothed. Our brains had to work less hard. And we could laugh and smile and, for the most part, all end up facing the same way.
I have plenty of rough edges. Everyone does. Luckily as we become adults, we have the luxury of not choosing activities or jobs that reveal most of them. Human beings are apt to choose things they like, or more likely things they are good at. These things, have fewer rough edges. Our love of them has prompted us to practice them over and over again until we are smooth, our rough edges, gone.
But rough edges are not always bad and noticing them is very good. Rough edges mean we are trying new things. Rough edges mean we are stepping out of our box. Rough edges mean we are daring to learn. Rough edges mean we are being presented with a challenge, perhaps an opportunity. They make us uncomfortable. The remind us we are beginners. When we notice rough edges in our lives we are, to quote my elementary principal, Sister Conception, ‘Standing on the edge, uncertain.’ What a wonderful place to be!
This year, I’m going to look for, and embrace some rough edges. Sometimes this will involve trying new activities, or even just making changes or additions to my familiar activities. Sometimes it will involve something entirely new. Sometimes the rough edges will appear as noticing a part of my personality, or my impact on others, or behaviour that keeps tripping me up.
A very difficult thing about rough edges is that it’s hard to plan for them. We do our best to create smooth lives, to have easy transitions and satisfying relationships. But just when we think we sanded down most of the rough spots, those edges have a way of popping up and making themselves noticed.
We have a few choices when we notice a rough edge. We can of course cast them from our lives completely, not even attempting to change ourselves or try new things. We feel the rough edges but pretend we do not; not taking the time to notice what they may be trying to show us. In this case we make the assumption we are as good as we are going to be, and we leave it up to others to accept us how we are. Or we can notice the rough edges, notice how smoothing them could enrich our lives, and perhaps the lives of others, and then get to work with our sandpaper.
Rough edges are opportunities. May your 2024 be filled with them, may your supply of sandpaper be generous, and may you learn to use it gently.
My inquiry for your this week is, ‘Where is my rough edge?’
Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching. She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society. She works with corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching. She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups and has expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations. Contact Elizabeth to learn how to notice and smooth the rough edges.