This week as we get ready to enjoy watching Greg in an adventure race before hitting the road again, the weather feels like it is turning to fall.  I have been trying to avoid facing this inevitable part of being Canadian, but as the night time temperatures come closer to freezing I find I’m having a harder and harder time throwing off the blankets in the morning.   When the alarm goes I, someone who is usually an early riser, find that I am trying to convince myself to go back to sleep.  I am tempted to pull up the covers, hunker down and close my eyes.  I try to convince myself that an extra hour of sleep will be good for me.  I have plenty of good, rational arguments that I can easily access.  I tell myself that my usual morning exercise routine will feel just as good later in the day (the reality is that I never get to it later in the day).  I remind myself that sleep is often underrated in our busy society.  I mentally sort through my list of to-do’s for the day and tell myself that I will still accomplish all of them even if I have less time.

Inevitably though, my habit of rising early wins and I climb out of bed.  In the end, I never regret this.  The other morning as I was wrestling with my early morning thoughts, I realized that all of my reasons to stay in bed seemed to be centred on avoiding something: avoiding exercise, avoiding getting going, avoiding answering emails, avoiding making contact with a potential client.  Staying asleep is the perfect solution.  While I am asleep I do not have to think about anything.
And this of course got me to thinking.  I began to think that just as real sleep, which is good for me and gives me time to recharge and gain some new perspective, it can also if I let it, allow me to avoid doing certain things.  I’m not sure that this is all bad, but a steady diet of avoidance definitely has its pitfalls.  A potentially more serious problem occurs when we are fully awake but we choose to be asleep to things in our lives.  It is hard to make the argument that we are using these times for recharging and for new perspective.  Mostly, we are simply choosing to ignore what is happening right in front of us.  We are pulling the proverbial blankets right up over our heads.

We might, for instance, be asleep to the effect that our words are having on someone else.  We might have simply become so used to stating our opinion that we do not notice, or we choose not to notice, the impact that our off the cuff remarks have.  We might be asleep to the reaction that others have to our contributions to a conversation.  We might be asleep to the look of disappointment on our friend’s face when we cancel a date.  We might be asleep to the signals that our body is giving us when we are working too hard.  We might be asleep to worrisome behaviors that we see in our loved ones.  We might also be asleep to positive feedback that we are being given.  Sometimes we are so convinced that we are being taken for granted that we choose to sleep right through evidence to the contrary.  We might be asleep to a new opportunity that is presented, especially if arrives as a soft pitch; this could be a casual mention of something like “I’d love to get together to talk about that”, or “Oh, I love the theatre too”.  Often in these cases, we choose to stay asleep to what might really be being asked.  So often are we caught up in our own sleepy minds that we choose not to notice what is happening in our lives.  I have had many clients mention that they simply did not, “See that coming”.  I often wonder if they happened to have been asleep when the signs were given.

I think I have always preferred being awake to being asleep.  I suspect that it comes from my dad, a hard working farmer, who couldn’t bear to have any of us miss any good daylight hours ‘wasting time sleeping’.  I no longer think of sleep as wasting time, but I certainly would hate to ‘wake up’ some day and discover that I have slept through some important relationships, jobs and events. 

For me, I do the most of my daytime sleeping when I am with people I am most comfortable with.  It is easy to assume that I already know what their reaction or response will be and I give myself permission to sleep right through it.  This week, as Jim and I head out on our road trip, I am choosing to stay awake.  I am going to practice hearing both what is said and what is not said.  I am going to be awake to soft pitches.  I am going to be a thoughtful responder. 
What is it that you need to wake up to in your life?  I challenge you to identify it and to choose an interaction to be fully awake for.  You’ll be amazed.

Finding the tools you learn in these blogs to be helpful?  Contact me today to learn more about how we can work together to facilitate the change you want.

Jim and I have been travelling across the country this past week.  This being the final weekend of summer, we thought it fitting to end our ‘summer of weddings’ by attending a party, celebrating the marriage of Greg and Cara at Cara’s parent’s farm. 

On our way through the States, one of the things on my list of ‘to do’s' was to go for a run on the campus of Notre Dame University in South Bend, Indiana.  I put this on my bucket list sometime in the mid to late nineties.  Knowing that we would be just a little more than an hours drive from the campus made it seem like the perfect time to check this off the list.  I really don’t know why I’ve always wanted to do this.  Part of the reason very likely stemmed from watching the feel-good movie, “Rudy”.  The rest, I think, was just hearing about how beautiful this University Campus is.  It did not disappoint!  In fact I thought that I had high expectations going in and our day on campus surpassed all of those.

The run itself was perfect.  I went at about 8:00 in the morning, so campus was sleepy.  I found the paths that surrounded the two lakes on campus and followed those.  In all, I only ran for a little over 30 minutes but I was thrilled, considering that this was my first run since my knee surgery.  I loved every minute of it.  No doubt the students that I met, also out for their morning run, wondered who the smiling middle aged woman was who was saying hello to everyone!

The rest of the day Jim and I spent wandering around the beautiful campus.  The second highlight of the day for me was the tour of the athletic facilities that we took at 3 in the afternoon.  It was on this tour that I began to think about culture, the important role it plays at Notre Dame, and the important, but often overlooked role it plays in our lives.

Notre Dame is steeped in culture.  The tone on campus is relaxed but everyone seems to have a purpose.  Every single person that we came across was welcoming, pleasant and helpful.  Every one.  Students, faculty and volunteers all seemed to understand that they were the face of Notre Dame.  On the tour, we were able to enter the football team’s locker room.  This is storied ground at Notre Dame.  Our guide, Don, pointed to the ND logo in the carpet of the locker room and told us that no one, no one, steps on the logo.  This has been a tradition for 175 years.  It seemed to be just another small, but important part in the culture of respect and pride.

It dawned on me that this kind of culture is what separates good companies from those that are great, good schools from those that are great and good families from those that are great.  It made me think about the culture of my family and of the culture in places I have been fortunate to work.  In all cases, I have been very lucky to have witnessed and been part of creating places where culture was consciously created and was a positive experience for me.

When you walk in the door of a company (or university or home) it is easy to get a quick feel of the culture there.  When care has not been taken to develop a desired culture, the culture forms itself.  Many people don’t often think about the culture of their own family.  When Jim and I were first married we talked about this.  I’m not sure that we used the exact word, ‘culture’; however, we certainly knew that we wanted to create a certain kind of environment in our home.  We talked about what kind of hosts we wanted to be when people came to visit.   After many of our early visitors left, we talked about what went well and where we wanted to change.  These days, we don’t spend much time on this topic.  It isn’t that we no longer care, it is simply that we now clearly know how we want guests in our home to feel and we both do our best to make that happen.  Similarly, early on, we developed a culture of how we wanted our family to be.  We knew that we wanted to be huge support systems for each other.  We created a culture where we encouraged and supported each other.   We also developed a culture of kindness. When I think of the little time that it took to do this, and the huge rewards from it, I’m glad that we did it.

When I was teaching at Red Deer Lake School, I learned on my very first day, that this school had a culture, that everyone in the building was expected to uphold it, and that it was a culture of respect and pride.  New students entering the building quickly found out, from the other students, that not trying was simply not part of the culture in this building.  Nor was rudeness or poor sportsmanship.  The lessons I learned at Red Deer Lake about the importance of culture, have been a powerful influence in my life.

I have heard about companies where people say they love to work.  I would bet quite a bit that this is because the culture in these places is one where people thrive.  I have heard of other places, even places where huge salaries are offered, that people walk away from because of the culture.

In each of the places in our lives that we identify with, a culture exists.  Not only does it exist, but we each contribute to it.
My inquiry for you this week is, ‘How am I contributing to the culture of this group?’

Finding the tools you learn in these blogs to be helpful.  Contact me today to find out how we can work together to facilitate the change you want.

 
Jim and I are on a driving trip and just before we left home I wrote my blog for this week.  However, as sometimes happens with me, two things have happened and so I’ve had some new thoughts that I’d rather share. 

The first was just a small article that I saw, and then shared, on Facebook.  It talked about the idea of being ‘good’.   This struck a chord with me since I was raised to be ‘good’.  In my family, we were taught to be rule followers.  We did not speak back to any adult – even when sometimes those adults were wrong.  There are certainly benefits to living this way, but it is dawning on me these days that there is a price to pay for it too.

The second thing that came to my attention was a news story that we listened to yesterday.  This story has been developing for a few weeks now.  There is an NFL Football player, Colin Kaepernick, who plays quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers, who has made the choice to ‘take a knee’ rather than stand at attention during the playing of the American National Anthem.  The reason for him doing this was to bring attention to the Black Lives Matter campaign in the US.   His actions have caused a firestorm of debate.

When I first heard this, my initial reaction was that I did not like this at all.  I am a proud Canadian and I have great respect for our anthem and for many things Canadian.  I know that many of our neighbours to the south have an equally strong pride in the American anthem.  My feeling was that this player did have the right to express his opinion but I didn’t think his choice of how to do that was wise.  Certainly, a ‘good’ person would not do this; i.e.,  I would not have the courage to do this.

I have now had some time to think about this.  This young man, Colin Kaepernick, has a lot to lose.   He makes a lot of money.  He has worked hard to get to where he is professionally.  However, he understands that while the Black Lives Matter movement has been around for a while now, visible change has not been made.  His actions are forcing his countrymen to be uncomfortable with this.  It is only when we are made uncomfortable, that we grow.

I’ve been thinking back on other times in recent history when silence did not work to solve a problem.  Silence did not work to shed light on the hundreds of children being abused by people in positions of power (by coaches, priests etc).  Those of us who were being ‘good’ and following the rules, could not even fathom how we could possibly get involved.   Silence did not work in the years before Rosa Parks chose to take a seat at the front of the bus either.

Throughout history, we have been able to change our opinions and views because of brave people like Colin Kaepernick.  This man has hurt no one by his actions.  He may be ruffling feathers, but other than creating discomfort, he is doing no harm.  He has realized that the problem facing Americans is not going to be solved by silence, nor is it going to be solved by one more debate.  The very fact that his simple action is causing so much discomfort, means that this issue needs attention.

Pema Chodron, a modern-day, American, Buddist nun,  says that having a fixed mind is a limiting thing.  She teaches that we can identify when our mind is fixed by feeling our body’s reaction to an idea. When we set our jaw, or get a tense stomach, it often signals that we have our mind made up, and someone is messing with the good thoughts we have that we know are right. 

Coaching has taught me that there is always at least 2% truth in someone else’s opinion.  When I decided to apply that to the actions of Colin Kaepernick, I realized that there could be much more than 2% truth here.   This young man may be the Rosa Parks of our modern time, in the context of the Black Lives Matter movement.

So I have been left wondering to myself, ‘Have I been too good to be true?’ Too good to be true to my own values?  ‘Too good to be true’ to standing up to injustice even when it makes other powerful people uncomfortable?

I have some wrestling to do with this in the next weeks.  Tomorrow, it is rumoured that the entire Seattle Seahawks Football team will take a knee in support of Kaepernick.  I hope they are also taking it in support of Black Lives Matter.  
I still don’t know if Kaepernick’s actions are right. Truthfully, I don’t know very much about this young man.  I know that he is not being ‘good’.  But right this minute I wish I had half of his bravery.

Where in your life are you being ‘Too good to be true?’
 

This week hundreds of thousands of Canadian children will make their way back to school.  Thousands of teachers, including our daughter and son-in-law, Kaitlyn and Matt, will do the same.  Many of the children will be wearing a backpack, bringing to and from school their possessions.  Anyone who has gone to school can almost hear the sighs of relief when those students arrive home and are able to take off their packs.

Last week our son, Greg and his new wife Cara completed their honeymoon-style canoe trip.  Parts of it involved portaging and they too had to wear backpacks to carry their possessions.  They were talking about how great it felt when they were able to lay their backpacks down at the end of each portage.

I didn’t have a backpack when I was a student but I sure do remember the great feeling of laying down my pile of books and other possessions when I arrived home.  What a relief.

In the case of students, mostly their backpacks are filled with books, newsletters, lunches, sweaters, and extra shoes.  In the case of canoeists, the backpacks contain sleeping bags, food and first aid kits.  All of these things are easy to lay down. 
When I was a teacher, I always imagined that the children brought other things to school with them in their backpacks.  I imagined that they brought their hopes and dreams.  These would likely be easy to carry.  I imagined they brought their hopes and fears.  These no doubt were heavier.  I also imagined they brought the invisible things that had happened in their homes in the hours before school began each day.  For some students these invisible things would remove some of their weight, making their packs seems lighter; for others it would add an immeasurable load.  These invisible items are much harder to lay down when the backpack is taken off.

In my classroom, before I started every single class, I would stand at the front of my classroom, quietly smiling at the students, and wondering to myself, “I wonder what each of these students has brought with them today?”  It was never my goal to add to the weight of their imaginary load; it was always my goal to decrease it.  I wanted them to feel like my classroom was a place they could remove their heavy load.

I don’t stand in a classroom and have this thought anymore.  This week though, it has dawned on me that this should be a thought I have every time I pick up the phone, answer the door, buy groceries, attend a meeting, meet a friend, drive my car or simply go about my daily life.

Every person we meet in this world is carrying around their own invisible backpack.  We cannot see inside it, but we can certainly imagine the possible contents.  Each of us carries our hopes and dreams, our disappointments and failures, our fears and rejections.  Each of us also has the power to influence the contents of the backpacks of others.  We can add to the burden of weight by our criticism, exclusion, and thoughtlessness.

We can also lighten the load of our fellow travellers by adding kindness, inclusion, encouragement and thoughtfulness.  Each of our little actions either adds to or lessens the weight of the packs that are carried by those we come into contact with.  We can make our presence be a place where people are safe to take off their packs completely.

Some travellers have become adept at hiding the fact that they carry a backpack.  We should not be fooled by this.  There is no one on this earth who does not carry their memories, fears, hopes and dreams.

I am lucky enough to know a few people who have homes where I can visit and feel perfectly safe taking off my backpack.  These homes are like a haven.  I am hoping that my home is a place like this for others.

This week my challenge for you is to take a few seconds, each time you meet someone, to ask yourself, “I wonder what this person is carrying in their backpack today?”
​
Finding the tools you learn in these blogs to be helpful?  Contact me today to learn more about how we can work together to facilitate the change you want.