I’ve been lucky to have some extra time with our little Grandjoys this week. Their mom and dad have been busy with Parent/Teacher interviews in the evenings allowing us some school pick-ups, suppers together, extra playtime and even a sleepover.
No matter how much we enjoy our time together, these two active little brothers can still have moments of bugging one another. We remind them about sharing, and playing together, and once in a while, when one takes something of the other’s, I might say, “Put that down. It’s not yours.”
This week, I’ve realized I too can benefit from a version of this same reminder in my life.
I’m heading off to do some work in Ontario next week. For about a year, I’ve been working on a project with several women’s shelters there. This trip may be the final one for this particular project.
I love working with these women, these women who devote themselves to other women, to their safety, to supporting their choices, to their well-being. I don’t work on the front line of this organization. I work with the Leadership Team, in service to them, to their leadership and to their vision for not only their organization but for all women. Sometimes my work looks like leadership training, sometimes like visioning, sometimes creating organizational operations, and this time, a combination of all.
Although my role does not include carrying out the plans made, I cannot help myself from becoming emotionally involved in the work. My heart, or soul - in this case I’m not sure how to differentiate, cannot help itself. It simply joins in the process. It takes all my self-management to stay in my role, to know where my best value is, and to carry out my job. But I still carry some of the weight of the stories I hear about the women served, and those of the women devoting their lives to this service.
I would do well to remind myself, ‘Put that down. It’s not your rock to carry.’
When we were hiking this week, one of our topics of conversation centred around how we each somehow mistakenly believed that once we reached a certain age, our worries would disappear along with our smooth skin. There wasn’t any debate about the truth of this. We were wrong. Not just a little wrong. Really wrong.
While we were smart enough to recognize our wrongness, we had more trouble pinpointing the exact cause of our current state of worry. After all, in our earlier years, we each led busy lives. We each had plenty of years where we were responsible for keeping a lot of balls in the air. We navigated careers, raised children, cared for aging parents, welcomed new members to our families, volunteered, and dealt with illness, injury, and relationships. Somehow during that time, we also managed friendships, hobbies, and households. On paper, those should have been the years most filled with heavy lifting. These more recent years should feel lighter.
The problem is they don’t.
We hiked and we pondered, and we climbed over many, many rocks. I finally came to this; achieving wisdom may be as simple as us understanding we do not have to carry all the rocks. There are rocks all around us, just begging to be picked up. Each of those rocks needs to be carried, but not every single one of them needs to be carried by us. We would do well to get very skilled at knowing which ones are ours to carry, and which are not. To recognize when others are carrying heavy loads, and not add rocks to their pile. We should remember that once in a while someone else needs help with one of their rocks. But often, when we simply choose to pick up a rock that is not ours, and worry over it, it does not help the true owner of the rock at all. What might help them is our steady presence, and support. We all have rocks to carry. Sometimes we need the gentle reminder, ‘Put that down. It’s not your rock to carry.’
My inquiry for you this week, is ‘What rocks are mine to carry?’
Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching. She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society. She works with corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching. She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups and has expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations. Contact Elizabeth to learn how to choose the rocks to carry.
No matter how much we enjoy our time together, these two active little brothers can still have moments of bugging one another. We remind them about sharing, and playing together, and once in a while, when one takes something of the other’s, I might say, “Put that down. It’s not yours.”
This week, I’ve realized I too can benefit from a version of this same reminder in my life.
I’m heading off to do some work in Ontario next week. For about a year, I’ve been working on a project with several women’s shelters there. This trip may be the final one for this particular project.
I love working with these women, these women who devote themselves to other women, to their safety, to supporting their choices, to their well-being. I don’t work on the front line of this organization. I work with the Leadership Team, in service to them, to their leadership and to their vision for not only their organization but for all women. Sometimes my work looks like leadership training, sometimes like visioning, sometimes creating organizational operations, and this time, a combination of all.
Although my role does not include carrying out the plans made, I cannot help myself from becoming emotionally involved in the work. My heart, or soul - in this case I’m not sure how to differentiate, cannot help itself. It simply joins in the process. It takes all my self-management to stay in my role, to know where my best value is, and to carry out my job. But I still carry some of the weight of the stories I hear about the women served, and those of the women devoting their lives to this service.
I would do well to remind myself, ‘Put that down. It’s not your rock to carry.’
When we were hiking this week, one of our topics of conversation centred around how we each somehow mistakenly believed that once we reached a certain age, our worries would disappear along with our smooth skin. There wasn’t any debate about the truth of this. We were wrong. Not just a little wrong. Really wrong.
While we were smart enough to recognize our wrongness, we had more trouble pinpointing the exact cause of our current state of worry. After all, in our earlier years, we each led busy lives. We each had plenty of years where we were responsible for keeping a lot of balls in the air. We navigated careers, raised children, cared for aging parents, welcomed new members to our families, volunteered, and dealt with illness, injury, and relationships. Somehow during that time, we also managed friendships, hobbies, and households. On paper, those should have been the years most filled with heavy lifting. These more recent years should feel lighter.
The problem is they don’t.
We hiked and we pondered, and we climbed over many, many rocks. I finally came to this; achieving wisdom may be as simple as us understanding we do not have to carry all the rocks. There are rocks all around us, just begging to be picked up. Each of those rocks needs to be carried, but not every single one of them needs to be carried by us. We would do well to get very skilled at knowing which ones are ours to carry, and which are not. To recognize when others are carrying heavy loads, and not add rocks to their pile. We should remember that once in a while someone else needs help with one of their rocks. But often, when we simply choose to pick up a rock that is not ours, and worry over it, it does not help the true owner of the rock at all. What might help them is our steady presence, and support. We all have rocks to carry. Sometimes we need the gentle reminder, ‘Put that down. It’s not your rock to carry.’
My inquiry for you this week, is ‘What rocks are mine to carry?’
Elizabeth is a certified professional Leadership Coach, and the owner of Critchley Coaching. She is the founder and president of the Canadian charity, RDL Building Hope Society. She works with corporations, non-profits and the public sector, providing leadership coaching. She creates and facilitates custom workshops for all sizes of groups and has expertise in facilitating Strategic Plans for organizations. Contact Elizabeth to learn how to choose the rocks to carry.
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